Becoming Ten
by PaigeLee1981
Summary: Four/Tris. Rated T/M for language and mild adult themes. Tris has faced her fears and stopped a war, but can she over come the ups and downs of Dauntless life? Six and Four will have to find a way to make it work together, if they are ever going to become Ten.
1. Chapter 1

**Authors Note: This is my first completely original storyline. Only the characters are borrowed. I hope you like it. Please check out my other work. Reviews always appreciated. **

**Disclaimer:Divergent and it's character are the property of Veronica Roth.**

_Tobias_

I know that this isn't going to be easy for her. She is so strong, but I know she still doubts that people see her that way. I have to help her see how strong she is before we start training. If she doesn't believe in her own strength, then she will never be able to convince the transfers. I know they are already going to have a hard time taking her seriously at first. Her tiny frame, fragile and bird like, acting as a perfect disguise for her fierceness.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" I ask. "You can always tell them, no."

"I'm sure." She says. Even though her voice is steady and calm, her eyes look nervous and unsure and she is biting her bottom lip. Most people wouldn't notice, but I know her, too well. I can see her insecurities showing through her tough exterior.

I walk up and pull her into my arms. I lean down and kiss the top of her head. She looks up at me and I rest my forehead against hers. "There isn't anyone I would rather do this with. You know that, right? You will be great at it." She sighs and closes her eyes. We stay that way for a moment. Then she pulls away.

She walks over and collapses onto the couch, staring silently up at the ceiling. I know she is thinking about how she is going to convince a group of strangers to take her seriously. She is not what any of them will expect to see. Other than her tattoos and athletic build, there is nothing particularly dauntless looking about her.

Appearances can be deceiving that way. I never would have picked her to be first in her initiate class the day I pulled her from the net. But that was before I truly saw her. Before, I saw her strength come through, every time she had to fight to protect others. I know she thinks her Divergence is the only thing that makes her strong. But that isn't true. Her strength comes from somewhere deep inside her. She is truly brave. She is able to act completely without fear, when most others would be terrified, sacrificing her self to save the ones she loves. A selfless kind of brave. A true Dauntless.

"I'm not scary, or intimidating, like you. I can't just turn on my 'instructor Four' mode. To them, I'm just going to look like a twelve year old girl." She says, frustration and anxiety starting to show. "You just look intimidating and scary, without even having to try. I just look shy and weak, especially when I stand next to you. I'm not loud like Chris, or fierce like Lauren. Their going to think you let your little sister tag along." She crosses her arms and groans in frustration.

I walk over and sit down on the couch beside her. She rolls over on her side, curling herself into a ball. I see a tear run down her cheek and as she opens her mouth to speak, I already know what she will say.

"Why are you with me? I'm not pretty, or sexy, or strong. You are so handsome and fierce, it doesn't make sense. Even the others think so, I can see it on peoples faces when we are in the pit. They are always looking at us and I know its because they can't figure out why the mighty Four would ever be with a small, skinny Stiff like me." She sighs a stuttered sigh and wipes the tears from her cheeks.

Now I groan in frustration. We have been going over this same conversation a year. No matter what I say, I cannot convince Tris that the reason people stare is because she is so beautiful. She is funny, and smart, not to mention saved the whole faction from becoming murderers, including me. Why cant she see what I see? I want to pick her up and shake her. I want to yell at her to stop being so stupid. but, I'm certain that wont help. The last time we had this conversation I ended up sleeping at Zeke's. I might still be there had Shauna not talked to Tris.

"What can I do to help?" I say.

"Go into my fear landscape with me" she says."I think I need to face them...you know...like if I can face those fears head on, I can face this one too."

I nod my head. I don't like going in with her. It's not easy for me to watch her face her fears, especially since three of them now involve me. But, if this will help her see herself the way everyone else does, beautiful and strong, then I will go.

We pass Christina and Will on our way up to the fear landscape room. "Where are you guys headed?" Christina asks.

"Fear landscape." Tris says without stopping.

"You guys are crazy, No wonder you are perfect for each other."Christina yells back at us.

We enter the fear landscape room and this time it is Tris who pulls the little black box out of her pocket. She takes the needle out and presses it into her neck. She hands me the box and I push it back. "You do it. It will be good practice for training." She smiles at me, and then takes out the other needle and presses it into my neck. I grip her hand, lacing my fingers between hers. I lean down and gently kiss her. "Be brave, Tris."

Her fears begin and I notice that she is getting faster at facing them. Easily getting through the birds and the tank with the water. The next fear has changed a little since the first time she went in during her initiation. She is still in the ocean, but now she is on the rock. I stand next her and look out into the water. Her parents are in the water trying to get to the rock. She is screaming and holding her hand out to them, trying to pull them onto the rock with us. Just when she is about to grab her mothers hand, a giant wave washes over her and her fingers slip through Tris's hand.

Everything around us goes dark and then I see we are in Erudite headquarters. Tris lays strapped to a metal chair in what looks like a laboratory. I see her brother. Caleb, walk up to her with an injection needle in his hand. He says something about her being a Divergent rebel. She screams out for me to help her. I see my simulation self in the corner of the room, but I am being held down by two men. I try to get lose so I can save her, but one of them pulls out a gun and presses it to my head. She struggles and screams against the restraints holding her to the table. There is the sound of a gun shot. The real me tries to run over to her, but my feet are glued to the floor. This fear is about her helplessness, I will not be able to help her through this one. It is one of the hardest for me to watch.

I feel Tris's hand press against mine. She reaches up and rubs my cheek.

"I'm right here Tobias. Its not real. Im fine and so are you." She says smiling up at me.

That's my Tris, always thinking of others first, even in the middle of living out her worst fears. I smile back and look around. We are standing in the bedroom of our apartment. I wait for the familiar scene of simulation me advancing on Tris, and her rejecting his affections, always saying she isn't ready yet. I see simulation me standing in the bedroom, but he is not walking towards her, she is walking towards him. She kisses simulation me hard and passionate, running her fingers down his spine. She whispers in his ear "I want you." This fear has changed. But, why is it still in her fear landscape if she is no longer afraid of intamacy? Simulation me pushes her away and walks out of the room. Tris drops to her knees on the floor and begins to cry. This fear is no longer about me wanting her, she is afraid that I don't want her.

The lights go dark and then we are standing in the control room in the Dauntless compound. Her family stands in front of her. There is a gun in her hand. I hear my voice tell her to shoot them.

"No" she says.

Simulation me presses a gun into the back of her head and tells her she doesn't have a choice. The next part is the hardest for me to watch.

Tris drops the gun in her hand and turns around pressing his gun into her forehead. "No."

When I open my eyes we are standing in the fear landscape room again.

Tris is sitting on the floor in front of me, knees drawn tightly in a ball, head down, rocking back and forth. I reach down and stand her up. Telling her its over, ensuring her I would never hurt her or her family. I feel her nod against me, her face pressed tightly into my chest. I stroke her hair and kiss the top of her head.

_Tris_

We walk back to our apartment in silence, Tobias's arm wrapped around my shoulder like he is trying to protect me from my fears. The last one is a hard one for both of us. I don't like asking him to go through it with me. Two years ago during the attempted Erudite attack on Abnegation, Tobias was put under a simulation. It made him think I was his enemy and he tried to kill me. He probably would have if I hadn't turned my gun to my own head instead of his. He says that my voice, crying and telling him I loved him, brought him out of it. He still has nightmares about it. He jerks up right in bed most nights, saying my name, shaking and sweating. I know what he feels like, I get them too.

He opens the door to the apartment and follows me in. I go in our bedroom and stand in the darkness, not really knowing what to say to him. I feel his arms wrap around me from the back and he presses his lips to the side of neck, squeezing me tightly in his arms.

"You ok?" he breathes against my neck.

I shrug my shoulders and turn around snuggling into his arms. I press my face to his chest and breathe in his scent. There is always something so comforting about it. I am so sure he is mine, and yet so scared he will slip away. My fear of being with him replaced by the fear of him rejecting me. I know the only way to conquer this fear is to face it head on.

I run my hands up his chest and wrap them around his neck. "I love you, Tobias." I say, standing on my tip toes and brushing my lips to his.

"I love you, Tris." he whispers against my lips.

I smile and press his cheek with mine. I flick his ear with my tongue teasing him. He presses his lips to mine. Swallowing me in his embrace. Pressing against me so hard I feel I will break in his arms. He begins to kiss me more urgently now, and I kiss back, passion slowly rising from my bones. He grabs me at my waist pressing his thumbs into my hips pulling them towards him. I moan into his ear and his fingers dig into my back, clawing at my shirt. I slide my hands down his back, running my fingers over each tattoo. He shivers and sighs "Tris" into my ear. His fingers find the hem of my shirt and I let him slide them up my body removing it and throwing it to the side. He stares at me for a moment, and I feel bare. He is so perfect and I am so plain. He grabs my chin, tilting my head to the side. I feel him slowly kissing down my neck. I close my eyes and hear him whisper "beautiful" as his hands slide up my rib cage finding the few curves I have.

He kisses each one of the birds tattooed on my collar bone, pausing longer on the 4th one. I groan and pull him closer to me. He looks up at me with a hungry look in his dark blue eyes. "Are you sure?" He asks breathlessly.

I nod at him. My smile comes despite the fear playing in my eyes. "Are you scared of me, Tobias?"

He picks me up and carries me to the bedroom. Laying me down on the bed, pressing his body on top of me. He presses his hand to my cheek, curling his fingers into my hair, staring intently into my eyes. "Terrified." He says pressing his mouth firmly to mine.

I grab his waist pulling him closer to me. His hand slips below the waistline of my pants and I sigh his name against his lips. He moves so certain and strong and I allow him to take control. I know I'm where I belong. He touches me in a way I didn't know was possible. In that moment, we collide. I think I will break apart at his touch. Shattering like the glass that holds me captive in my fear landscape. In this moment, I know I won't ever let him go. It is not a feeling. It is a choice. He makes me stronger. I make him whole. I need his love. A feeling of ecstasy radiates through me. I feel his sigh singing in my bones.

"Don't let go of me, Tris. You are mine and mine alone." he breathes heavily, pulling me up against his side. His arms lock around me and I can feel my seventh fear being erased from my mind.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

_Tris_

I wake up before Tobias the next morning, which is rare. I don't really know why, but I have to move. I am full of a kind of drive, like if I don't move I will explode. Anxiety, fear, and frustration all combine into a kind of intense anger. I will not let the initiates see me as weak. I am not weak. I am strong.

Some how last night made me different, I feel more confident, more dangerous. I go into the living room. The sun is coming up over the city and I can see the buildings sparkling in the distance. I think about the Choosing Ceremony. How many of them are going to make the decision to leave their family's behind like I did? Are they going to know what they are truly choosing? I think back to that scared little Abnegation girl. I don't know her anymore. Lost to the events of the past year, slowly replaced by the girl that stands here now.

I look around the room and see the punching bag hanging in the corner. I shake out my muscles and begin to punch the bag, slowly at first, but then intensifying my strikes. It's too quiet. Not really thinking about Tobias asleep in the next room, I turn on the stereo. The music begins and I let the beat drive me. I lose myself and begin to play over all the events of the past year. Eric hanging Christina over the Chasm, Peter, Drew, and Al violating me and trying to kill me, my father's face when I betrayed him and chose Dauntless, Four yelling in my face when I lost it in Lauren's fear landscape, Caleb helping Jeannine during the Erudite attacks, Tobias lost in the simulation. What's a little Stiff like you going to do about it? Rage takes control and I don't even hear Tobias come in the room.

"Tris, Tris!" I feel his hands wrap around my wrists, pulling me back from the bag. "Stop. Your knuckles are bleeding. Just stop." He has an almost scared look on his face. Maybe I'm scarier than I think I am.

"What?" I snap back at him, breathless and angry. I wrench my wrists from him and step back, shaking a little.

He just stares at me for a moment, before he speaks again, low and quiet. "Are you ok?"

"Fine, I just...I don't know." I punch the bag one last time in frustration. I turn and head to the bathroom before he can speak again. I feel him watching me on the way out. He has only seen me like this a few times. Once, when I faught Molly during initiation, and again, when I was fighting with him while he was under the simulation. I start the shower and hope the water will wash away whatever this is.

When I get out, Tobias is sitting on the bed waiting for me. He pats the bed beside him for me to sit. I halfway sit, halfway collapse beside him. He just gives me an understanding look. He knows I am not someone who likes to talk about it.

"Thought I would have to pry you out of bed this morning." He says trying to lighten the mood. He knows I'm not a morning person. He smiles slyly, "You were up so early, we have a little time..." His voice trails off as he begins kissing down the side of my neck. I relax a little at his touch. A sigh leaves my mouth as he slides his hand up my thigh. He presses me back down onto the bed and continues to explore my body with his hands. His fingers find all the right places and I moan, my eyes rolling back arching my body towards his.

His mouth finds mind and I open to allow his kiss. He presses his body down on top of mine. Our kisses become passionate, hungry with desire. I know we need to get ready for the initiates, but my mind is becoming lost in a haze of passion and lust. He squeezes my hip and begins to slide my panties off. "Tobias, we have the initiates coming today."

"Um hm.." He breathes against my breasts.

"Tobias, we have to stop." I say a little more insistently, grabbing his hand and pulling my panties back on. He lets out a frustrated breath and collapses on top of me. I giggle and a wide smile spreads across my face. I ruffle his short hair. He looks like a pouting child. "If your a good boy today, and don't make anybody cry, we can continue you later."

"That's not fair, Tris. You know I'm going to make someone cry." He says grinning at me. With that he jumps up and heads for the shower. I go into the living room and finish getting ready in the small mirror by the door. When he comes in a few minutes later, skimming shower water off the back of his neck with his hand, I think about the first time I stayed I his apartment the night of my attack.

I can't help but smile at him. He made me feel safe then, and he still makes me feel that way now. I would have never made it without him, literally.

"What?" He says smirking at me, his eyebrows raised. "Change your mind?"

"No." I say. "Tobias, you are horrible. Is that all you are going to think about now?"

"Who says it wasn't already?" He winks at me and all I can do is laugh.

"But seriously, we need to talk about initiation."

"Ok, but can we do it at breakfast? You have caused me to work up quiet an appetite, young lady." He says in his best serious voice.

I agree and we head down to the dinning hall. We laugh and talk about what kind of transfer we will get, making bets about who will jump first, or have a gun pulled on them by Tobias. We both laugh thinking about the look on Peter's face when Tobias did that to him last year. When we get there, Will and Christina are already there.

_Tobias_

We sit down at our normal table. Still talking about some of the happier times of last year. I don't want to bring up training yet. Seeing Tris so happy, makes me wish we had more of those, happy times. She laughs remembering Uriah spraying paint all over his face and in his mouth after Capture the Flag. He was trying to spray it in Tris's face and it back fired.

"You two look...happy." Christina says, a knowing grin spreading across her face.

"What?" Tris says, embarrassment spreading across her face. I glare at her to drop the subject, knowing Tris is becoming more uncomfortable by the minute.

Will clears his throat, "So, you two ready for today? Decided to if you are going to tell them about the two of you?"

I don't respond. We haven't really discussed it. Tris only took the job two days ago, and with the events of yesterday and the way I found Tris this morning, I haven't really thought about it.

"I don't think it will hurt to let them know we are together." I say, but Tris doesn't look like she agrees. "You don't think we should?" I ask, a little more hurt playing in my voice than I intend.

"Its not that I don't want them to know," she says quickly, catching the tone in my voice."I just worry that they won't see me as strong, if they think I need you to protect me."

Everyone is quiet for a minute. Zeke and Uriah sit down next to us.

"You. Need protecting?" Uriah laughs. They must of heard us when they were walking up.

"Yeah, I don't worry about you needing protection. Now, needing protection from you, that's a different story." Zeke laughs. Tris laughs too. She looks a little more relaxed.

"What are they going to call you? I mean Four has his nickname that's kind of scary and badass. You need one too." Christina says. I grin at the thought Christina still finds me a scary badass with all the stuff Tris tells her about us.

"I think I want them to call me Six." she says giving Christina a mischievous grin.

"I knew it!" Christina squeals.

"Knew what?" Uriah says confused. "What the hell are you so excited about?"

"Nothing" I say flatly, before Christina has a chance to elaborate. Tris looks at me relieved and squeezes my hand. "Time to go get the net ready. They will be here soon." Tris and I get up and tell everyone bye before we leave.

We head to the net and make sure everything is secure. We work most of the morning getting the room ready for the initiates. By the time we head back to the dinning hall for lunch it is a fury of Dauntless excitement. The drinking has already started and I know it is going to be a long rest of the day for both of us. We fight our way through the crowd to our usual table.

"So, Six are you going to tell them about you and Four?" Zeke asks. I like it that he is trying out her new name. It makes me feel proud of her, knowing that she overcame one of her fears, especially knowing I was the one she overcame it with. I squeeze her hand under the table and smile at her.

"I think I want to be the one who tells them." I say, locking her eyes with mine. She opens her mouth to object, but I don't let her. "I want to see the look on the guys' faces when they know that they can never have her."

Zeke nods in approval. Christina just 'ahs". Lauren rolls her eyes at me, and shakes her head.

Uriah grins and nods at me, "Geez Four, its not like we didn't already want to be you when I was initiate, now you gotta rub your hot-ass girlfriend in their faces too?"

The table erupts in laughter. Tris blushes. She is still so insecure about why I am with her. I am still amazed every time it happens that she can't see what I see. It will never make sense to me. Everything about her amazes me. Her eyes, her body, the way fear doesn't shut her down, it just wakes her up. Every time I have been broken she has picked up the pieces of me and made them whole again. Why wouldn't I want the initiates to know how lucky I am?

I hear cheering from the Pit and I know it is time to go. They will be here soon. We fight our way up to the net. Some drunk guy tries to grab Tris's ass on the way there. I tun around ready to punch him, but see Tris's elbow connect with his nose and hear a sickening crack. She broke it. Blood runs down his face and she grabs him by the collar of the shirt making sure he knows not to ever do it again. We reach the net and she has a look of absolute triumph on her face.

"What was that about?" I ask her. I cant help but smile a little, after all, it was pretty funny. And to think she is worried about them taking her seriously. God help the first one that doesn't.

"Don't look at me like that Four." she snaps.

"No problem, Six." I say straightening my face and looking up to the roof.

I can see her smile out of the corner of my eyes. She straightens up taller, standing with her feet apart and crossing her arms in front of her. The birds tattooed on her collarbone peeking out of the v of her shirt, the fourth one, the one closest to her heart, barely showing. Her eyes flash with that familiar spark. Anticipation waking her up. She looks so beautiful. She is fierce. She is Dauntless and she is mine.


	3. Chapter 3

_Tris_

We stand there with the group of initiates looking at us. They look so young and scared. I wonder if that is how we looked. It has only been a year, but it feels like a lifetime ago.

Tobias speaks up. He has his instructor face on. He looks cold and intimidating. He is a little scary, I have to admit. "This is Six and I am Four. We will be your instructors during training. Normally, I work in the control room and Six works for Dauntless leadership, as an ambassador."

I see one of the girls, a Candor, get a look on her face. She grins slightly and starts to speak up. Here we go.

"Six and Four? Were five and seven already taken?" she laughs. Big mistake. I am expecting Four to jump on her. He can't stand Candor smart mouths. I am surprised when it is my voice that speaks next.

"Real original," I say, thinking about Christina saying something to Four about his name last year. "You come up with that all by yourself?"

She looks at me, a little nervous. She knows she is in trouble.

"What's your name?" I continue.

"Sam. Samantha." she stammers.

"What, you can't make up your mind?" I say, mockingly. I step closer to her and I see her look around uncomfortably trying to make eye contact with anybody but me. "Well, Sam. If I wanted to put up with Candor smart mouths, I would have joined their faction, wouldn't I?"

Tobais comes and grabs my arm around my bicep, like he is trying to hold me back. I shoot him a look. His face is straight and he is looking at me like I should stop. But, I see something else in his eyes. A message. _Ruin her._ I pull my arm out of his grasp and he backs away with his hands in the air, shaking his head at the initiates.

I get as close to her face as I can. I know what I need to say. If they questioned me before, they certainly won't after this. I lower my voice, "The first lesson you will learn from me is to keep your damn mouth shut. I hope for your sake you are a fast learner."

I turn on my heel and walk back to where Tobias is standing, but I don't stop. I continue walking straight ahead not checking to see if they are following me. Tobias catches up with me, but I don't look at him. I stare straight ahead. Out of the corner of my eye I can tell his is trying not laugh. We get to the end of the tunnel outside the pit and Lauren and Uriah take the Dauntless born initiates. It is just the transfers that are left.

"This is the Pit. It is the center of Dauntless life. You will learn to love it." Tobias says. He waves for the transfers to follow us. We head for the chasm. He looks at me a little worried. I know he knows this place holds a lot of memories for me. Both good and bad. I see the question in his eyes. I nod at him. I need to do this. I need to face this fear.

I walk up and put my hands on the metal railing staring down at the rushing water. I close my eyes. Images of Christina, Peter, and Al race through my mind. I take a deep breath and turn to face the group. Tobias stands right by my side. He isn't touching me, but him being there gives me the strength I need. I turn on my instructor personality. I stare them all down. "This is the Chasm. It reminds us there is a thin line between bravery and idiocy. One dare devil jump will end your life. It has happened before," my breath catches in my throat. I think of Al. Tobias can sense me tense up.

"It will happen again." he finishes. His voice is reassuring and certain.

He turns to walk towards the dining hall and I follow. The initiates not far behind us. He reaches down and laces his fingers in mine. I can hear them all start to whisper.

We get to the dining hall and I can see our group is already there. They look at the herd of transfers behind us like a pack of hungry wolves. Pointing and talking to each other as we walk in. I walk up to our table and sit down. Tobias stopped to say something to Max on the way in. I see them looking at me. Tobias says something and Max nods approvingly.

"What was that about?" I say, a little more forcefully than I had planned.

"I was just telling him how you shut that Candor girl up. He thought it was funny." he says. A look of concern still on his face. He sits down beside me.

"Well you've had plenty of practice. You should be an expert in how to shut up a Candor loud mouth by now. Christinas got the loudest mouth I know." Will says grinning at her. She punches him in the arm. Her mouth open, looking put out.

I roll my eyes and look down at my food. Everyone gets quite for a moment, realizing I'm not laughing.

"Tris, what's wrong," Tobias says softly, in my ear, "Are you still thinking about the thing at the Chasm? Honestly, no one noticed. I just saw your body tense up and you took a deep breath. I only finished for you so we could get out of there. Not because, I thought you couldn't." He tries to brush my hair back out of my face, but I move away. His hand just hangs in mid air. The look of concern erased by one of confusion and hurt.

"It wasn't you finishing for me," I say in a low calm voice. "It was you holding my hand when we walked back in here. You made me look weak the minute you did that." My hands are shaking and I clench them tightly into fists to stop them. "I could hear them whispering behind us."

"Are you serious, right now Tris?" Tobias says, a look of derision on his face. "I thought we decided to tell them."

"No. YOU decided. Remember. YOU said you wanted to be the one to tell them. WE didn't decide anything." I hiss.

"You are being an idiot." he says, rolling his eyes and crossing his arms.

I bristle at his words. _Idiot_. I am not an idiot. I know what the transfers are all saying right now. I know that any ground I gained with them was taken away the minute he put his hand in mine. I am so furious right now, I can't see straight. I need to get out of here. Take a walk, clear my head. I stand up to walk out, but I feel Tobias grab for my wrist. I pull back with more force than he expects forcing him to stand up to keep his grip on my wrist. I almost escape his grasp, but he pulls me forcefully towards him, slamming my body into his chest. I look up and glare at him. He glares back at me. I can feel everyone's eyes on us. There is a tension in the air between us.

"Let go of me." I say in a low growl. I know that Tobias is stronger than me. If he wants to keep me here he can. I can't get away unless he lets go. It makes me feel small and weak. _I am not small and weak._

He stares me down hard, like I am still an initiate. His eyes flash at me. A wild look in his eyes that is a little scary. He looks angry, really angry. But, I am not scared, I know he won't hurt me. He relaxes his arm just a little and I think he is going to give in. But in an instant he brings me back towards him, grabbing my other wrist and pulling me into his chest. He locks his arms with my wrists pressed firmly over his heart. I look up to protest, but before the words come out he kisses me hard. At first, I try to pull a way but he is too strong. He deepens his kiss and I feel myself relax into it. He lets go of my wrists and I take a step back. I look him in confusion.

"What the hell was that?" I snap.

He steps forward and wraps his arm around my waist pulling me back towards him. He puts his hand on my face, rubbing my cheek with his thumb, his fingers wrapped under my ear. "God, Six. When are you going to get it through your head that I love you and there is nothing you can do about it."

After Tobias says that, everyone goes back to what they were doing. Dauntless are only interested if they think there is the possibility of a fight. Everyone that is, except the transfers. I can feel them staring at me, like they are burning a hole through my back. Tobias notices it too. His eyes lift away from my face and he looks at them over my shoulder, then back at me. Do it. He mouths.

I turn around and march towards the transfers. Tobias takes his instructor Four pose, feet apart, arms folded across his chest, staring them down as I approach. I must look a little crazy because I see one of the Erudite girls gulp and scoot back a little. _Good, they need to be scared of me. Really scared._

"What the hell are you all staring at?" I demand. They just stare back at me with their mouths open. "You have sixty seconds to get your asses in the Pit, or you can consider yourself factionless." I spit at them. I turn around and walk back to my table.

Zeke hands Uriah a slip of paper. He looks mad. Tobias and Christina laugh as I sit down. "What?" I say.

Zeke looks at Tobias to tell me. Tobias waves him off and shakes his head, "No way, man. This is all you."

I glare at Zeke. "What is all you," I say clenching my jaw.

Zeke sighs, "Uriah and I made a bet about who the transfers would be more afraid of, you or Four. I said Four, because, well, he's ya' know, Four. Uriah said you, because your so quiet and small, that it makes you that much scarier when you do lose it. Like just now."

"You should have seen their faces from here Tris, when you turned around to walk back over here," Uriah is laughing so hard he can barely speak. "They looked at Four, like, someone help us please! If, they are looking to Four for help, they are desperate, because its not like he's Mary freaking Sunshine or anything."

Christina beams up at me from her seat at the table, "In other words, they are way more scared of you than Four, right now. I'm not gonna lie, I was a little scared of you too, there for a minute."

I smile at the idea of being scarier than Tobias. I even start laughing when I picture the looks on the initiates faces when I came at them after he kissed me. I look over at Tobias, he has a satisfied grin on his face. Its then I realize, he planned this. All of it. I feel myself getting angry again.

"Time to go." I say to Tobias.

_He will pay for this. Oh, how he will pay for this. _


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note: Thanks for all those who continue to read. It makes me feel so happy! Also thanks for the reviews. I want to write what you want to read, so please leave me a review.**

_Tobias_

When I enter the training room the next morning, Tris and Eric are in a standoff. I don't know what this is all about, but I can take a guess. I look at the fight list behind me, but it doesn't have the same matches Tris and I came up with last night.

He doesn't know the dangerous ground he is on. She is stronger than he believes. If he thinks she needs me to defend her, he is dead wrong. I taught her how to fight. She knows how to win. He looks at her, danger and excitement playing in his eyes. I know she can see it, but she doesn't back down. She stares at him, resolutely, that brilliant spark dancing in her eyes.

"You are not involved in training this year, Eric." I say firmly.

"I am still a dauntless leader, I have a right to be here if I want." he shoots back, a sneer crossing his face.

"You have a right to observe, but not to interfere. Six and I are the only ones aloud to determine matches and rankings." I say, keeping my tone even. I know he is trying to bait me. Tris's eyes flash from mine to his, and back to mine.

He doesn't say anything, but his posture is becoming more defensive. He is looking for a fight. He doesn't care with who right now. Tris opens her mouth to speak, and I grab her arm hard, stopping her. She looks at me with outrage and pulls her arm from me violently.

She is becoming reckless. She is normally very controlled and thoughtful in her actions, but she is dangerously close to crossing that line. I have to end this now, or it will be bad.

Tris is so furious right now she is vibrating. Her fists are tightly clenched, a look of absolute hatred on her face. Eric can see that he has gotten to her. He looks her up and down, hungrily, an evil smile on his face. It is a small victory. For now, he is satisfied.

"Fine, fine, have it your way. I just thought I would help you toughen them up a little, I can't say that I agreed with Max, that the _Stiff_ could handle it." He says, putting his hands up in a sign of surrender.

"How dare you! You arrogant son of a bitch. I swear to God I'm gonna-" She yells at him, launching herself forward. I catch her, holding her by both shoulders as she struggles to free herself.

Eric is laughing hysterically in the background. "You're gonna what? Huh stiff."

I shove Tris back, staring her down like she is still an initiate. "Just fix the board." She looks like she is going to protest, but doesn't. She narrows her eyes at me and huffs in frustration. She turns around and stalks off to the board. I put my hand up to my face and squeeze the bridge of my nose. _I will pay for that later._ I take a deep breath and turn around to face Eric.

"Well, if you are going to insist on making things boring today, I guess I will go. Let me know when you decide to take my advice. Bye Stiff." He leaves the room with a satisfied smile on his face.

Before the door has time to close all the way, the initiates start to file in the room. I turn around to see if Tris is ready. She is standing at the targets with throwing knives in her hand. I see a flash of steel. A knife sticks firmly in the targets head, vibrating from the impact. We are supposed to start fights this morning, but she needs to let off some steam. I smile a little bit. I know it is a dangerous idea. But, if it will help her get over this, it will be worth it.

"Six and I are going to give you a lesson in accuracy before your fights. Do yourself a favor and pay attention." I say. The look on my face is enough to stop any questions. They follow me to where Tris is still throwing at the target.

I walk up behind her and she turns around. I look at her and she glares back at me. I give her a telling smile and I can see her get my message. I walk to the target and turn around to face her. Behind her the initiates look terrified. I don't say a word. I lift my chin and look determinedly into her eyes.

She takes a deep breath, steadies her aim, and throws. The knife sticks a few inches from my shoulder. She grins at me transfering the knife from her left hand to her right. "If you flinch, we are done."

I nod at her. _Is she talking about the knives, or us?_ _She is talking about the knives. I know she is._ She is mad, but not mad enough to end it. She throws again and this time the knife lands a half inch from the top of my head.

"You done yet, Four? Everybody can see how fearless you are. The mighty Four able to stand there and let a little girl throw knives at him." she says in a patronizing voice. I raise an eyebrow at her, letting her know with my face that I find her comment beneath me.

She glares at me and her eyes flash with that brilliant spark. _I've done it now._ I know what is coming next. In one swift motion she throws, exhaling an angry breath as she does.

I hear the knife hit the board and feel the blood run down the side of my neck. The initiates gasp. I see their eyes growing wide, looking between me and Tris. She stands there shaking, still in the release position from her throw. I smile at her and clap my hands. She looks up at me and I can't tell if she is going to scream or laugh. she grabs the front my shirt and pulls me towards her. I kiss her. She shoves me away from her, warning me with her eyes that she is not over what happened with Eric. The transfers still stand there motionless, watching us. I look up at them, giving them my best instructor Four look. I see the nervousness spread across their faces, wondering if they will be the next ones in front of the target.

"Time to fight!" I yell. They don't wait for a second invitation.

[Page Break]

Tris and walk to the dinning hall in silence. I took my time cleaning up the training room after practice trying to give Tris a chance to talk to me. She didn't bring up the thing with Eric and neither did I. Right before we go in, I stop and turn to her.

"I was just trying to protect you." I say.

"In one breath you tell me I'm strong, and in another I need you to protect me? I told you last year, _Four_, you can't be both concerned boyfriend and harsh instructor." she says, quietly. "You can't have it both ways."

"This is not the same as that." I say. Her words strike me deep. I know she is talking about last year when I yelled her after she lost it in Lauren's fear landscape. I have regretted my actions, ever since that day.

"I don't really feel like going to dinner." she says. She pulls her arms around herself and looks intently at the wall, refusing to meet my eyes. "You can go if you want, I'm going home."

She turns and heads for our apartment without another word. I want to run after her. Instead, I just turn and walk into the dinning hall. She needs to cool off. I see Zeke and Lauren sitting at our usual table. I walk up and throw my self down in an empty seat. Zeke and Lauren give each other a look. I pretend that I don't notice, stabbing a steak with my fork and slamming it down on my plate.

"Dude, you alright?" Zeke asks.

"Fine." I grumble.

"Is it what Eric did this mor...What happened to your neck?!" Lauren says. Her mouth is open and she is staring at the mark on my neck Tris's knife left this morning.

I put my hand up to the cut, "Tris did that. It's not what you think though. Knife throwing got a little out of hand this morning." Lauren and Zeke look at little taken back. "Its nothing. I'm fine." I reassure them.

"Speaking of Tris," Lauren starts cautiosly, "Where is she?"

"She went home. She was tired." I say. Zeke and Lauren look at each other again, that same concerned look as before.

"It can be hard for couples to work together. No one said it would be easy, Four." Lauren says.

"Thanks for your concern, Lauren. But, Tris and I are fine. She was just tired, ok?" I say shortly.

Lauren just nods at me. We all go on eating in silence. I can feel eyes watching me, and I know its the intitates. I can see Lauren and Zeke start to notice them watching me. They must be whispering about Tris and I. I don't really feel like answering any questions right now, so I finish eating and head to our apartment.

When I get there it is quiet and dark. I walk into the bedroom. Tris is lying on her side of the bed, she pretends to be asleep. I get ready for bed, taking off my clothes and putting on my pajama pants. I lie down beside her and go to put my arm around her. I see her body stiffen and I stop myself.

"Tris," I say, but before I can finish she spreaks.

"Tobias, just don't ok. Just don't. I know that I acted irrationally today, but you treated me like a child. I was so angry, I couldn't even think straight. Then you were stupid enough to stand in front of that target and...and...I could have...what if I had...?" her tears coming too fast for her words to keep up.

"I was only trying to protect you. You were becoming reckless. It wasn't because you couldn't handle yourself with Eric. You wre just reaching that point." I say, anger starting to show in my voice. I am not angry because she lost her temper with Eric. I am angry that she continues to let herself get to that point. Her recklessness reminds me that she doesn't value herself the way I value her.

"So you decide the best way to prove that I am not reckless is to stand in front of a target and let me throw knives at you in a blind rage? You know, Tobias, you really don't make sense sometimes." she says coldly. She gets out of bed and walks into the living room. I get up and follow her into the dark room. I can see her in the faint light from the window. She leans against the wall with her arms hugged around herself staring out the window. Tears catching the light as the roll down her cheeks.

I walk up to her and stand in front of her. My arms at my sides. I look up at the ceiling and then back down at her. She looks so small, here in the darkness. I just look at her for a moment. She finally turns her eyes to meet mine. Staring up at me. I place my hands on either side of her head leaning in on my forearms.

"I knew you wouldn't hurt me. I trusted you, even if you didn't trust yourself." I say. Her face is inches from mine. Her eyes study mine for a moment. I can see guilt and fear in them.

"Tobias, I could have hurt you...I could have killed you. That last knife, i-it was supposed to knick your ear. I never meant for it to hit your throat." she whispers.

"Tris," I start.

She just shakes her head at me and looks down at her feet. I press my forehead to hers. Her lips brush mine. I kiss her back, slowly at first, but then I feel her hands start to slide up my bare chest and to my face, pressing my cheeks and sliding into my hair. I press her up against the wall, teasing her lips with my tongue. Her mouth opens as her fingers curl into my hair. There is a longing in the way she kisses me. It is passionate and hard. I sigh into her. I move one of my hands down to her hip and squeeze, rubbing my thumb in circles on her hip bone. She moans against my lips and I start to kiss down her neck. Her fingers curl tighter pulling my hair and I slide my hand up locking her fingers in mine, pressing her harder against the wall.

I move my free hand down running my fingers under her chin, down her neck, to her collarbone, tracing each raven, before cupping her curves in my hand and squeezing. Her head goes back against the wall and she moans loudly this time. I feel a deep excitement growing within me. I unlock my hand from hers and move it down to the hem of her shirt. I begin to slide it from her body. She holds her arms up and I slip it off of her. I step back a moment, taking in her bare form. I breath out and stare at her for a moment. Every curve, every muscle, the rising and falling of her chest, it makes my heart race.

I am overcome with desire and come back at her, hard and fast, hungry for what I know is to come. I lift her up and she wraps her legs around me. I begin to kiss down her neck again, working myself lower with every touch. I turn and carry her into the bedroom. Layng her down on the bed, my body presses against hers. Our bodies become a tangle and I forget that we are two people. We move into each other. Our bodies in perfect rhythm. Every touch feeling like an electric shock through my body. I breath out hard against her, gripping her body, pulling it tightly to mine. _God, what she can do to me._ How can one person make you feel so weak and so strong at the same time?


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: Thank you to all who continue to read! It makes me so happy when I get a notification from fanfiction about a new favorite, follow, or review. Please know that I accept anonymous reviews, soyou don't have to join the site if you have feed back. I just ask that it be contructive. Thanks again, to all 500 of you have read this so far.**

**Disclaimer: Copyright of certain characters, plot lines, and setting to Veronica Roth. **

_Tris_.

Its been two days since the incident with Tobias in the training room. The initiates still seem nervous around the two of us, like I'm going to lose it at any moment. There is still a palpable tension between the two of us, but I think he has let it go. I'm the one still holding on to something. I don't know why. I just can't seem to let go of the fact he is so protective of me, like I am fragile, breakable in some way.

The transfers had to fight again today. Most of them are improving, but there are still two that I don't think will make it. A girl, Abby, a transfer from Amnity, and Joshua, a transfer from Abnegation, still have a hard time hurting others. Hopefully they will get over it, there is only one set of matches left. We finish training for the day and head to the dining hall.

When we walk in, the initiates are already there. They already look exhausted, and its only lunch. I see Abby and Joshua sitting together at a table across the dining hall from us. They both look a little down, probably well aware of the fact they are currently ranked last. I walk over and sit next to them. They both look a little scared when I sit down. I smile at Abby, to let her know I am not here to be the scary instructor. She timidly returns the smile. Tobias walks over and joins us. He looks a little confused by why I am sitting here and not with Christina and the others.

"It gets easier." I say, taking a hamburger and putting it on my plate. Abby and Joshua don't say anything. They just look from me to Tobias and back at each other, like they aren't sure who I am talking to.

"Six, is right. It does get easier. You just have to let go and believe that you belong here. There is a reason you transferred. You chose to be Dauntless, so now you just have to let go and let yourself be just that, Dauntless." Tobias says, looking at them.

"I left Abnegation because I just didn't fit in there. I was never selfless enough, I was always saying the wrong thing, or doing the wrong thing. I thought being Dauntless would make me brave." Joshua says, quietly. I can tell that he is worried about admitting to us he doesn't think he is brave. unaware, of just how brave he is to admit that.

Abby smiles at him. "I left Amnity for the same reasons. I have always had a temper. I would try to be all happy and stuff, but then something would happen and I would just blow up. I don't think they make enough peace serum to control me. God know they gave me enough of it." she says and laughs a little.

I laugh too, remembering last year during the uprising when we were refugees at the Amnity compound. I also, lost it, and was given peace serum. It was the closest to being drunk I have ever been. Tobias still teases me about it.

"I wasn't ranked very high after the first round of training either." I say. They both look a little shocked. "It wasn't easy for me either, hurting people, I mean. But, I realized that if I didn't take control of the fear holding me back, I would never be able to truly be myself."

"So how did you end up not getting cut?" Joshua asks, curiously.

"She beat the shit out of Molly, I had to pull her off of her, or Tris might have killed her. I don't think anyone thought she was capable of it, including me. But, Six has a fight in her that most people don't see. I certainly didn't think she would rank first when I pulled her scrawny butt from the net last year." Tobias smiles at them proudly. "Beating a higher ranked opponent definitely raises your rank significantly."

"Yeah, well she had that coming." I grumble, not very happy he told that story.

"Six, also has a line you don't want to cross." Tobias says, smirking and rubbing his hand over the cut on his neck. "Trust me on that one." He winks at Abby and Joshua.

They laugh a little and I close my eyes and press my lips into a thin line. I know he is just teasing me, but I am still touchy about the whole thing. He can sense that I want him to drop the subject and takes a bite out of his hamburger.

"Hey, Six, do you think you could help me...ya know...help me learn how to fight?" she says, hesitantly. "Since you were first and all, and your not very big, like me. I just think that knowing how to defend myself will help. Maybe I won't go down so fast." She finishes.

I look at Tobias for a moment. I don't know if I can give her extra help or not. It seems a little unfair to give an initiate special training. He looks back at me, as if considering it. He knows that they need help and we don't want to lose any of the transfers after stage one. There are only eight of them. If their fight rankings are high enough, they could beat a few of the Dauntless born.

"Let us think about it," he says, reading my mind.

We get up and walk over to the entrance of the dining hall, where we know no one will over hear us. We discuss it for a moment, and decide to have the initiates meet us in the training room after lunch. They were supposed to have the rest of the day off, Capture the Flag is tonight, but we decide that a demonstration of skills won't hurt and then any that want to hang around and practice technique are welcome to. That way we can help Abby and Joshua, without it being favoritism. We go over and tell the transfers what we have decided Then we go back to our usual table.

"What was all that about?" Lauren says.

"Nothing. Some of the transfers are having a hard time getting over hurting people. We trying to give them a pep talk. One of them asked me to help her with her fighting skills. We decided just helping her would be favoritism, so we are going to have a demonstration fight in the training room after lunch. Any of the initiates that want to stay and get help on form can stay after that so its not like a private lesson or anything. Its their choice to take advantage of the opportunity." I explain.

Uriah gets a wicked grin on his face. "Can we bring the Dauntless born? They need to see what good fighting looks like."

We agree to let them. Christina speaks up, "Can I come? My shift is finished at the hospital and Will has work in the control room the rest of the day. Plus, I've always wanted to see what a fight between you and Four would be like."

"Sure. But you have to hold back the urge to step in when I make Tris cry like a baby." Tobias smirks.

"Who says I'll be the one crying like a baby, Four? Last time I checked I'm the scary one, remember?" I challenge back at him.

"Ooh, burn." Lauren laughs.

"Oh now you are going down. I don't care if you are just a little girl, I'm not going to take it easy on you after that. You better bring your A game Stif!" Tobias says, standing and walking towards the door.

We all follow and I catch up to Tobias. He throws his arm around my shoulder and I put my arm around his waist. The transfer all follow us to the training room. We wait for everyone to assemble around the arena. Then I explain what we are doing.

"It has come to my attention that some of the initiates need work on their defensive technique. While size does matter some in a fight, it can be used to your advantage with the proper technique. Four and I will demonstrate how to use technique and planning to your advantage in a fight between two unequally matched opponents.

"I wouldn't describe you and Four as unequally matched. " Uriah laughs.

I grin a little, and continue, "After that you are welcome to hang around and get pointers if you think you need them. This is not an opportunity we usually give the initiates, so I suggest you take advantage of it." I say in my best instructor voice.

"How is this supposed to teach us anything? Clearly Six, doesn't stand a chance. Four is going to break her in half, or hold back because she's his girlfriend." Kevin, one of the Candor transfers, says. He is one of the larger transfers and thus far has won every match with brute strength alone.

"You have no idea what you are talking about. First, Four doesn't take it easy on anybody, especially Six. The only reason he has a girlfriend is because she is the only one strong enough to put up with his shit. Second, like I told her the other day, she doesn't need protecting, but you are likely to need protection from her if you don't learn to keep your damn mouth closed." Zeke shouts from the group.

I turn and face Tobias. He smiles at me and takes his fight stance. We begin to circle each other, looking each other up and down.

"What is this playtime? Should we break for nap? Fight each other." Christina yells with a laugh, imitating Eric.

Tobias jerks his eyebrows at me and gives me a wicked grin. I take the opportunity and lunge forward under his arms and punch him hard in the abdomen. I catch him off guard and he steps back, off balance, catching his breath. I don't wait for him to recover and swing at his face, but he blocks me and kicks me backwards. I fall hard on the mat in a sitting position and scramble to get my feet underneath me. I stand up ready. _I see how it is._

"Get him, Six!" Lauren yells. I harden my face, determined not to let him win.

He starts towards me and I dodge to the left, bringing my elbow up, catching him in the mouth. He steps back and touches his finger to his lip looking at the blood. His eyes glint at me and I know he is serious now. We begin to circle each other again. I see him look down at my feet and I know he is trying to anticipate my next punch. I switch step on him to throw him off. It works and he looks up just in time to see my fist. He dodges and counters his fist crashing into my jaw. I see spots in my vision, but I am not going down that easily. I sweep my leg, taking his footing out from under him. I throw myself down on top of him and pin his shoulders with my knees. I bring my fist up to punch him and he turns his face to the side in anticipation of the impact. I stop right before my fist collides with his face. _Bad move._ He flips me over and now has me pinned to the mat. Pressing my arms above my head, his hands holding my wrists firmly in place. I glare at him, and he smiles at me. He leans in close to my face, so that no one can hear him. "This isn't what I have in mind when I think about you in this position. We will finish this later."

He stands up and everyone claps and cheers. He bends down and helps me to my feet. He pulls me to his side and gently touches the my jaw where it is starting to purple. I slap his hand away from me, and roll my eyes at him. I don't like to lose.

"That was awesome!" Abby says.

"Thanks, but I hope you learned something from it. If you are fast and attack first, you can get a few good hits in before they know what is going on." I say, still in instructor mode.

"And never show mercy." Tobias adds, winking at me. I narrow my eyes at him and grin. My showing mercy is the only reason he won and he knows it.

We walk out of the ring and see that most of the initiates, some Dauntless born included are starting to practice with the punching bags and spar with each other around the room. Abby and Joshua are in the corner of the room practicing with each other. There is something in the way he looks at her, that reminds me of how Tobias looks at me. I wonder if she feels the same way about him. I hope so, it is nice to have someone that looks at you like that.

I look over at Tobias, correcting on of the Dauntless born on his stance, he glances up at me, looking at me in that same familiar way. I wonder why I never saw it before. I blush a little, his eyes get me every time.


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: Thanks for all the reviews. I try to PM everyone that leaves a review. Thanks for continuing to read! I hope you like it. I already have the next few chapters written. Hopefully, I will be able to make several updates this week.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Divergent or any of its characters. Copyright of Divergent is owned by Veronica Roth.**

Chapter 6

_Tobias_

I awake to the alarm blaring. Tris wraps the pillow around her head and tries to go back to sleep, but we have to get up. I turn off the alarm and roll over, pulling Tris to me. Pressing her back up against my chest. She grumbles and buries her head down into the pillow.

"Tris, we have to get up, Capture the flag is tonight." I tell her.

"Shhh. If we pretend like its not there, it will go away." she mumbles, half asleep.

I grin. I know how to wake her up. I run my hand up and down her bare legs. She sighs and snuggles closer to me. I continue to run my hand up to her hip and then slip it under the t-shirt, _my_ t-shirt, that she sleeps in. My hand slips over her stomach to her ribs and then to her subtle curves. My hand continues to explore her curves as I start to slowly kiss down her neck. She arches her back, pressing her hips into mine.

She rolls over to face me and I kiss her gently on her lips. She wraps her hands into my hair, curling around the back of head. I reach my hands to her hips and begin to remove her panties, taking my thumbs and hooking them under the waist band. I start to slowly slide them down her legs and I feel her hands go to my boxers trying to remove them. I remove my hands from her, helping her remove my boxers. She sits up and I slide her shirt from her body. I pull her back down to the bed rolling on top of her. I begin to kiss her again. She deepens the kiss and I start to kiss my way down her neck, to her collar bone and then back up again. She giggles when I hit a ticklish spot behind her ear, bringing her head to her shoulder in reflex. I look up at her and smile. She smiles back and my hands work their way down the curves of her body sliding between her legs. Her eyes get big and her head goes back as she moans loudly at my touch.

She opens her legs and wraps them around my waist. She flips me over, so that she is sitting on top of me. Her hair swinging around her face. I slide into her and she arches her back, closing her eyes. I moan, my body singing with her touch. She lays down on top of me and sighs my name into my ear. I slide my fingers into her hair and kiss her passionately, saying her name against her lips. I roll her over and take control. I feel an excitement building inside me and she arches to meet me, clawing at my back, both of us breathing heavily. I lean down and kiss her lips gently, staring into her beautiful eyes. She stares back into mine and we both lay there in a daze for a moment.

"We have to get up now, Tris." I say, smiling at her.

"If you insist, Tobias." she says, smiling back at me.

"I don't really want to, but they will come looking for us soon, if we don't get down stairs to wake the transfers." I say.

"Ok, but don't look while I get dressed." she says.

"Tris, I've seen you naked before, like right now." I laugh.

"Oh shut up," she smirks at me.

I search the bed for my boxers and slip them on before getting up to put on my clothes. Tris puts her panties back on and goes over to the closet to pick out clothes for tonight. She has on arm wrapped around her chest to cover herself. I sit on the bed, watching her and grin. She is so funny about her body. No matter what I say, she is still so self-conscious about the way she looks. She puts on her clothes and turns around to catch me staring at her.

She narrows her eyes at me, and furrows her eyebrows. "How long have you been staring at me?"

"Two years," I say, completely serious.

"You are so weird," she says, throwing a shirt at me.

We leave our apartment and head down to the dorms. We pass the Dauntless born dorms on the way and can already hear the chaos inside. We start to jog a little, knowing that our activities form earlier took a little longer than expected. _Totally worth it._

Zeke stands in front of the door with several other Dauntless. He looks at me and I nod at him, making sure to have on my instructor Four face before I go in. Tris is behind me with a flashlight. She shines it in the faces of the confused transfers as Zeke and the others bang on the beds and shout at them to get up.

"Tonight we are going on a little field trip. This is a Dauntless tradition, so I suggest you take it seriously." I say, sternly.

"Anyone not at the train in ten minutes can consider themselves factionless." Tris warns them.

We leave and head up to the roof. Zeke catches up and just smirks at us.

"What?" I ask him.

"You two should set your alarm earlier, if you are going to need to do all that addition and multiplication before you go places." He says trying not to laugh. I punch him hard in the arm and Tris looks away trying not to laugh, her cheeks clearly red from his comment.

"Jealous Zeke? I bet you and Shauna do plenty of multiplying." Tris says, emphasizing the word plenty.

I burst out laughing this time. Tris has a wicked sense of humor, she just doesn't show it that often. Zeke laughs too and gives her a look as if he is offended by what she is implying, but he's not. I have listened to that boy talk nonstop, in the control room, about sex for four years now. I really think sometimes that its all he thinks about.

We reach the roof and Eric is pressing guns into the Dauntless borns' hands. Tris and I both take a gun and a box of paintballs from the table. Then we head over to wait for the train. It is a little windy on the roof, the air already becoming chilly as Autumn appoaches. I see Tris pull her jacket around her shoulders a little more and I lean down and wrap my arms around her to keep her warm. She lays her head against my chest and I look down the track for the train. I kiss her on top of the head and I can feel her smile against my chest.

"I love you Four," she says.

"I love you, Six," I say. I notice some of the transfers watching us, but I don't care. Let them watch. I do love Tris. They have no idea what we have been through together. I don't know what I would do if I ever lost her. I have gotten so close, so many times. They have no idea what that feels like, at least, I hope they don't. No one should know what that feels like.

"Don't look now, but we have an audience," I whisper in her ear.

She turns around and sees two of the transfer girls, Emma and Ashley, watching us. Neither one of them have very happy looks on their faces. They are kind of glaring at Tris, jealousy clear on their faces. She looks up at me and a devilish grin spreads across her face.

"Well, we can' have that now can we? After all, what help will they be during Capture the Flag if all they can think about is your handsome face? I mean I don't blame them, your not bad to look at, Four." I see her eyes flash at me, a playfulness in them. I look at her serious, furrowing my eyebrows, and nodding. "That being said, I can't risk losing tonight. I'm sure you understand."

I reply in a serious voice, and try hard to keep a straight face. "No we certainly can't risk losing. I guess I will just have to let them know they have to get over me, because I am clearly in love with Six and Six alone."

She wrinkles her nose at me and bites her lip, nodding in agreement. I lean down and kiss her soft at first, then more passionately pulling her to me, she reaches up and runs her hands into my hair, deepening the kiss. We continue that way, until Uriah yells at us to get a room. Christina walks up to us as we pull apart, grinning at each other.

"What the hell was that about?" she asks, knowing we are not a couple that generally makes out in public.

"Nothing." Tris says, smiling at her and turning to face Emma and Ashley. They have disgusted looks on their faces and turn away from us when they see Tris and Christina, clearly talking about them.

"Oh. Well, I guess you took care of that then." Christina says. "Hey try not to kick our ass too bad tonight. I know we probably don't stand a chance against the mighty Ten, but at least give us a fighting chance."

"Mighty Ten?" I ask her.

"Yeah, you and Six. You know Four and Six equals Ten. That's what the initiates call you guys. Honestly, I'm a little jealous I didn't think of it first. It's kind of awesome." Christina says.

"Just what we need in our life, another name that is a number," Tris says, rolling her eyes.

Just then, we see a light approaching in the darkness and everyone gets ready to jump on the train. I grab the handle as it passes and Tris grabs my hand. I swing her into the train car catching her against me, leaning back into the car. She looks up at me with that wild spark in her eyes and I can't help but stare. _Beautiful._


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

_Tris_

When everyone is on the train Four explains how Capture the Flag works. Then we begin to choose teams. We start with the transfers as always. Tobias and I stand in the corner of the car discussing who we are going to pick. The train rocks and I lose my balance. I feel Tobias's muscular arm tighten around my waist, steadying me. Even now, I get an excited feeling in the pit of my stomach when he touches me. I have to catch my breath a little and a warm blush creeps across my cheeks.

"Glad to see I still have that effect on you." he says, in his deep voice. I smile and look away, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.

"Are you two just going to stare at each other all night, or are you going to pick somebody?" Eric sneers at us from across the car. Tobias shoots him a deadly look and then scans the transfers.

"Joshua." Tobias says, with a hint of boredom in his voice.

"Kevin" Eric yells back.

"Abby" I say.

"Daniel" Eric yells

We continue like this until all the transfers and dauntless born are on a team. The older Dauntless that have joined us get to pick their own teams, as long as the numbers end up even. We get off the train first, so Eric can't have any reason to say that our winning was a result of his going easy on us.

Tobias and I walk towards the front of the group heading for the pier. The transfers are behind us talking about random things. Then one of the Dauntless born runs up beside me. She is a cute girl with spiky purple hair. She smiles at me and I can't help but think she looks like someone I know.

"Hey Six, is it true you climbed the Ferris wheel your initiate year?" she looks at me, her eyes wide with curiosity. Then it hits me, she looks just like Lynn.

"Yeah, how did you know about that?" I say.

"Lynn is my sister. She told me. She told me about all the stuff you did during the uprising too. You're kind of a legend with the Dauntless born," she says, looking a little embarrassed that she told me all that.

The others catch up to us, trying to hear us better. Tobias slides his hand into mine and pulls me closer to him, protectively. He knows that I don't like to talk about the uprising. To everyone else, what I did seems heroic. To me, it seems like a nightmare. I lost both my parents and my brother, all in a matter of days. Not to mention, Tobias nearly killed me and half of my friends almost murdered my old faction.

"Is it true that you nearly shot Six, because you were under the simulation and didn't know who she was?" a boy asks Tobias.

"Yes." Tobias says flatly, indicating that he doesn't want to discuss it. But the others must not notice, because they are all gathered around us asking questions.

"Why didn't you? You know kill her?" a quiet voice says. It's Emma. She has a horrified look on her face. The other transfers are gathered around her, all with the same look on their faces. The Dauntless born have all already heard this story. But, I am sure to the transfers, it sounds like something out of their fear landscape. Well, I guess we should tell them, since they will experience it first hand when they go through mine in a few weeks.

"Tris pulled me out of it. The simulation, I mean. I heard her voice calling to me, telling me it wasn't real. I was trying to fight through it, but the simulation kept pulling me back down. She had a gun pressed to my head, and was about to shoot, but then..." Tobias says, his voice choking on the last words.

"But then I turned the gun on myself, I pressed it into my own forehead and wrapped Four's hands around it." I take a breath and look at Tobias's eyes. I can see him replaying it in his head. His eyes are watery and I squeeze his hand to remind him that its not real and I'm right here beside him.

"Why didn't you shoot her?" Abby asks , breathlessly.

"I don't know," he says shaking his head and looking down at me. "I just heard her voice, telling me she loved me, that it was ok. She understood, and she loved me." He shakes his head and I can see the guilt that haunts him in his blue eyes.

"That's...amazing." Lynn's sister says, in a hushed voice.

I don't look at her. I don't look at any of them. I just look at Tobias. He is lost in his own nightmares, again. I start to walk, pulling on his hand to break him out of it.

"We need to move or they will find us before we even have a chance to hide." I say, trying to change the subject.

We walk along in silence the rest of the way. We reach the carousel and the others start to discuss a plan. Tobias stands with his back against one of the wooden horses, lost in thought. Looking at him, standing like that, reminds me of the first time we played Capture the Flag. I was so young and scared. Sometimes, its hard for me to believe he was the same age as I am now, when he was my instructor. He seemed so much older than we were, dark and mysterious. So handsome. I can't help but smile at him as I walk up and wrap my hands around his waist.

He presses his head to my forehead and closes his eyes. "I love you. You know that, right? I would never hurt you, Tris. I never meant to hurt you."

I press my fingers to his lips to stop him, shaking my head, staring down at his chest. I am looking directly at his heart. I press my other hand to it and he covers his hand with mine. "I love you too, Tobias. I know you would never hurt me. That person, in that room, wasn't you. It was some monster the Erudite created. I knew it wasn't you. Thats's how I knew you wouldn't shoot me. I'm sorry they brought all this up."

He takes my hand and says, "Come with me somewhere."

"What about the game?" I say.

"Let them fight it out. I don't care about their stupid war games anymore, I have fought enough real wars to last me a lifetime." he says, dragging me away from the others.

No one seems to notice us walk off and I am not really paying attention to where we are going. I am only watching Tobias. He has a look on his face I have never seen before. It is scaring my a little. Talking about the uprising really must have gotten to him. I didn't realize he is still so affected by it. But, then again, I guess I should have realized it. It changed three of my fears. I wonder what it did to his. Are they still the same?

"Tobias where are we going?" I say, hesitantly. He doesn't answer me, he just keeps walking. "Tobias, you are scaring my a little, can you please tell me where we are going?"

"You'll see," he says, not looking back at me. He just continues on his path, like our lives depend on him reaching his destination.

I follow him through the moonlight for a few more yards. Then, I see it. The Ferris wheel, rising up into the sky. It looks as breath taking this time as it did the first time I set eyes on it. I climbed to the top of it, that night, and Tobias followed me. That was before he was Tobias to me, before he was my family. He completely ignored his fear of heights that night to keep me safe. I would have died, if he hadn't been there. That was the first time he saved my life. It seems like that is all we have done since that night, save each other from certain death.

He stops at the base of the wheel and turns to look at me. I stare at him for a moment and then up at the wheel. He just stands there for a minute, looking up at it too. He looks back at me.

"We aren't going to climb that thing again are we? The last time I nearly died, or don't you remember?" I say, laughing a little. He doesn't say anything. He looks like he is lost in thought. "Tobias? Are you okay? I am worried about you."

He holds both my hands in front of him and looks me in the eyes. "This is the place where I first realized that I was in love in you. I was so scared to follow you up this thing. So scared to let you in. I knew if I did, there would be no going back."

I smile at him, remembering that night. I felt something too, but I didn't think there was anyway that Four, my intimidating instructor, could ever have feelings for a skinny stiff like me.

"I pushed the fear aside to follow you that night. I have been pushing it aside in every moment since then. I don't want to have to push it aside anymore." He takes a deep breath and then sinks down on one knee. "Tris Prior. I have nearly lost you so many times, and each time it has taken a piece of me with it. I want to know that you will always be there to mend me, and I will always be there to protect you. Will you marry me?"

I don't say anything. I just stand there, looking down at him. He looks back at me, he lets go of my hands and presses his to his forehead. I can see it trembling. He looks away, then his words come out in a rush.

"I don't have a ring or anything. I didn't even know that I was going to propose until, well, on the way here actually. I just knew I had to ask you. After the initiates kept asking all those questions, I kept picturing your face that day in my head. You were crying and saying that you loved me, it was ok, and you loved me. I will never forget the feeling I had when I came out of it and saw my hand pressing a gun to your forehead. Oh God, Tris. I don't know what I would have done if I had shot you."

I know I need to say something, but I can't say yes. This is not really what he wants. It can't be. We are both so young. We aren't ready for this. I know in my heart that I love him, but I am not ready to marry him. I say the only thing I can think of, trying to calm him down.

"Shhh. Tobias, its okay. Don't think about it anymore. Its over now. I'm right here. I'm not hurt. You didn't hurt me. You would never hurt me. You promised to be my family and I promised to be yours. I don't need a ring to tell me I have your heart. All I need is the look in your eyes. It tells me everything I need to know." I softly kiss him, running my hands over his cheeks.

Its not a no, but its not a yes either. He looks back at me, studying my face. I know that he needs an answer, but I am afraid of what will happen when I give it to him. Before, I have the chance to find out, he reads the look in my eyes.

"You love me, but you don't want to marry me. That's what you are trying to say, isn't it?" he says, in whisper, hurt clear in his voice. He turns around and stares down the pier into the marsh.

"Tobias, its not that I don't want to marry you, eventually. We are so young, and you aren't thinking clearly right now, you are upset by what the initiates said. You said yourself, you hadn't planned on proposing until this very moment. Please, try to understand..." I try to explain.

He cuts me off. "Its okay, Tris. I get it. " He turns around and looks at me. His eyes are cold and his voice is even, unfeeling, like he is talking to a stranger. "We better get back. We have been gone for a while. They're probably wondering where we are."

I reach out to take his hand, but he pulls it away, shoving it in his pocket. He walks past me without another word. I stand there another moment, watching him walk away in the darkness. Pain stabs at my chest and breath out hard trying to shake it from me. A moment ago, he was terrified to lose me. Now, I am the one who is terrified. What did I just do?


	8. Chapter 8

**AN: Thanks for all the reviews, follows, and faves. I promise all things will be revealed in good time.**

**Disclaimer: All characters, settings, and content related to Divergent are owned by Veronica Roth. **

Chapter 8

_Tobias_

I wake up and look around at my surroundings. _Where am I? Oh yeah, Zeke's._ I came here last night, after the game. I couldn't go home, not after what happened. My head pounds and I am having trouble keeping my eyes focused. The whole room feels like it is spinning. I go to the kitchen and get a glass of water. Standing makes me feel like I am going to be sick and I run for the bathroom, slamming the door behind me.

"Four, you alright?" Zeke yells through the door.

At that moment, I do get sick. I flush the vomit down the toilet. I stand up and walk over to the sink, splashing water on my face, washing out my mouth. I look at myself in the mirror. My eyes are bloodshot and my skin is tinted grey. I open the door and Zeke jumps back in surprise. I walk past him and lay down on the couch again, closing my eyes to block out the blinding sunlight.

"Dude, you don't look so good. You were on a mission last night. What the hell happened, anyway?" Zeke says, sitting down in a chair across from me.

I hear footsteps enter the room from the bedroom. Shauna walks into the kitchen and pours herself a cup of coffee. She walks back into the living room and sits down in the other chair. I can feel her looking at me.

"Why does it matter, what happened? Tris made it clear to me last night that she does not feel the same way about me as I feel about her. It's over." I say.

Shauna takes a sip of her coffee. Her voice is quiet when she speaks, like she is comforting a child. "Four, there is no way that can be true. Tris loves you. She loves you enough to die for you. I can't believe that after all the two of you have been through, she would just up and change her mind. Surely, you misread her."

"No." I say, anger building in my voice. "I asked her to marry me last night, and she said no. She didn't leave much to interpretation."

"You did what?" Zeke shouts. I hear Shauna spit out her coffee.

"Were you planning on asking her last night? Have you two even discussed it?" Shauna says.

I don't say anything. I just lay there with my eyes closed. My head was pounding before, but now it feels as if it will explode. I keep thinking about last night, the look on Tris's face as I walked away.

"Four, if you two haven't even talked about marriage, why did you just suddenly pop the question?" Shauna continues .

"Shauna, back off. Its not really any of our business." Zeke says. "Look, man, I don't know what happened last night. But, it doesn't sound like anything you two are going to work out today. You can stay here until you figure things out."

He and Shauna head down to the cafeteria for breakfast. I don't go. Zeke agreed to tell Max that I was sick before he left. I can't go to training today. She will be there and I can't see her right now. The train ride back was awkward enough and I know we raised a few eyebrows when we didn't ride back together. Even though, I am angry at her, I can't help but wonder how she is handling all of this. I promised her, after the uprising that we would always be together, that I was her family. But, I am not sure if its true anymore.

Zeke and Shauna leave for breakfast. I lay there in the silence. Exhaustion pulls at me and I fall back asleep, but not for very long. My nightmares wake me, and I reach out for Tris. My hand grasps at thin air. I am covered with sweat. The smell the alcohol from last night seeping through my pores. I go back home to shower and change into clean clothes. _Home._ I'm not sure if it is still my home now, after all that has happened.

Tris isn't there when I walk in and I am relieved. I shower and dress quickly, knowing it is almost lunchtime. I don't want to risk being here, in case she decides to come back instead of eating in the dining hall. I grab a couple of sets of clothes and head back to Zeke's. I wonder what she told the intiates, surely they wonder why I am not there. I left her to deal with it all. Guilt falls over me. I sit in the quiet for a few minutes. Trying to get a grip over myself. I keep replaying last night in my mind. If I stay here, I am liable to drive myself insane.

I get up and head out into the hallway. I don't think about where I am going, I just need to walk. Before I know it, I am standing in front of the fear landscape room. I haven't gone in for a while. The last time I went in, my fears had changed and I haven't wanted to face it again. I go up to the computer room that looks down into the fear landscape. I open the cabinet and take out a small glass bottle filled with orange liquid and a clean syringe. I plunge the needle into the tiny bottle, bringing the syringe up and thumping it to release the trapped air.

I head back down to the fear landscape room and feel for the vein in my neck. I plunge the needle into my vein. I can feel the serum burn, spreading through my muscles, making my jaw lock temporarily. I close my eyes, and hear my trainer, Amar's voice. _Fear God Alone._ Then, the ground begins to rise under my feet.

I am standing on top of the Hancock building. I look down over the edge and know that the only way out of this one is to jump. For a brief moment, I wish Tris was here to hold my hand. I close my eyes and shake the thought from me. I walk to the edge and lean forward, falling towards the ground.

I feel my feet slam into solid earth. I quickly stand up, trying to stop the walls from closing in around me. I feel them start to press down on me, forcing me to crouch down into a ball. I am starting to panic, I can feel my heart begin to race in my chest and my breathing becomes rapid. Suddenly, I hear a voice in my head, soft and light. _Focus on my voice. Match your breathing to mine. Its not real. It can't hurt you. Focus on my voice. _

The voice is calm. I trust it instinctively. My heartbeat slows and I feel the walls fall away. I stand up again. I look up and I see the girl sitting in the chair. I see the gun. I pick up the gun and look back at the girl. She lifts her head and looks at me, her grey blue eyes piercing me. _Tris._ I can't kill her. Killing her is no different than killing myself. I press the gun to my temple and hear a bullet click into the chamber, then everything is dark for a moment.

I open my eyes and I am in the control room. I see a girl and I know that I know her. She is attacking me and I fight back, defending myself. She has a gun and aims it at me. I knock it out of her hand and point it back at her. She is my enemy. I need to kill her. I know thats what I have to do, but I can't. Something is holding me back. Then I hear that voice again. It is familiar and comforting. I know it will tell me what to do. _Its not real Tobias. None of this is real. Its ok. Just shoot and it will be over. I promise. Its ok._ I pull the trigger and everything is dark again.

I feel a hand on my shoulder. I am on my knees in the fear landscape room. My cheeks are wet and I bring a shaking hand to my face to wipe them. I can feel my shirt clinging to me, damp with sweat. I steady my breathing and look up to find the source of the hand on my shoulder. Tris is standing there, tears streaming down her cheeks.

"I came looking for you. I saw you in here and went up to the control room. You started to panic in the box and I knew you were having a hard time overcoming them today." She looks at me with so much concern in her eyes. "I ran down here and just started talking to you. Trying to help you through them. They have changed. I could tell by your reactions. You shot yourself in one of them, I could tell by your hand movements. I tried to stop you, but you did it so fast I didn't have time to say anything."

I stand up and want to pull her to me, but I am still angry about last night. _She doesn't mean it. She just feels guilty._ I just stare at the wall, crossing my arms in front of me. She stands there quietly for moment. I can feel her watching me.

"That last one has changed. Its not about Marcus anymore. You didn't raise your arm to protect yourself from the belt. You acted like you were fighting somebody. I couldn't figure out who your were fighting, and then I saw you pick up the gun and pin someone down. " Her voice grows quiet, like she doesn't want to say what comes next, " That's when I realized you were fighting me. You were back in the simulation. I knew you wouldn't be able to shoot me, so I kept telling you it wasn't real, so you would be able to come out of it." Her voice is shaking and she takes a deep breath before she can finish. "I couldn't watch you hurt like that. I didn't realize...how much...how much it affected you."

I close my eyes and clench my teeth to stop myself from yelling at her. _How could she not have realized how much it affected me? Of course, it changed me. How could it not? She almost died by my hand. Did she really think that is just something I was going to get over one day?_ Maybe it is for the best that she said no. I thought she was the one person in this world that understood me. That really saw me for who I am. But, I am starting to see just how wrong I was was about that. If she couldn't see for herself how deeply this cut me, then maybe she never really saw me at all. I turn and look at her.

"Did you think it only changed you? That because I was the one under the simulation, I could just write it all off as some bad dream? I am the one that has live with the image of my hand pressing a gun to your head. I am the one that has look at you everyday and be reminded of the fact that you shouldn't be here. I am the one that relives that moment every night in my nightmares. I hate myself for it. The guilt is so overwhelming sometimes, I can't breath. You have no idea how hard it is to be on this side of it." My voice started low, but by the end, I am yelling.

She stands in front of me, hunched over. Her hands are pressed tightly to her face, I can see a silent scream trying to escape her, but no sound leaves her mouth. I see her shudder as she tries to breath, but it is no use. She drops to her knees falling forward, resting her upper body on her legs. Rocking, as she sobs into her hands.

I walk past her without stopping. I keep going all the way to the roof. I jump on the first train that passes and slump to the floor of the car. I don't know how long I ride the trains, but when I get back to the compound everything is dark and still. I go to our apartment and unlock the door. I go in our bedroom expecting to see Tris sleeping peacefully. But, I am met with an empty bed in an empty room. Then reality starts to set in, she is really gone.


	9. Chapter 9

**AN: Thank you for all the reviews. If you left a signed review, I tried to message you back. I have gotten very mixed reviews over the direction this story has taken. Please, keep reading. I promise all things will be revealed in good time. Thank you for reading. **

_Tris_

Its been three days, but it might as well have been a lifetime. I moved out of our apartment the night Tobias left me crying in the fear landscape room. He said so many things to me that day that he can never take back. I can still hear his voice, filled with hurt and resentment. If he ever did love me, you would not have been able to tell it that day. He looked at me with so much anger. I have seen that look in his eyes before, but this time it was directed towards me and me alone. Any shred of warmth and caring, erased by bitterness.

We have had a break in training, so I have't had to see him. I have been avoiding the dining hall and all other public places, for that matter. Christina and Will give me updates when they see him around the compound. But he must be avoiding public also, because they have only seen him once coming back from Zeke's apartment. Will said that he looked pretty bad. But, I think he only told me that to make me feel better. I want to believe that this is as hard on him as it is on me, but I know that isn't true. They would know it too, if they saw the way he looked at me that day.

I sit on the floor looking out the window, my knees drawn to my chest. I am so lost in my own thoughts, I don't even notice when Will and Christina come back from dinner.

"Tris, we brought you some food. Come on and eat. You haven't really eaten in days." Christina says from behind me, a tired sigh playing in her words. "You will feel better if you eat something."

I just shake my head at her still looking out the window. Will walks over to me and touches my shoulder. "Four said to give you this." He hands me an envelope. My name is written on the front in Tobias's handwriting. Will continues, "He was at dinner tonight. He asked us where you were, but Christina just said we didn't know. He looked concerned. I think he is worried about you."

"Trust me, he isn't concerned. He is done. He doesn't love me anymore. He made that clear. I just need to accept it." I say. My words are hollow.

"Look, I know you aren't ready to see him yet, but he knows we are lying. He saw us get the food to bring to you. He knows you are here, Tris. Its only a matter of time before he comes looking for you. I don't care what you say. Nobody can just stop loving someone, not even Four. It doesn't work like that." Christina says.

"You don't know what I did to him. I didn't realize what I did to him, until..." my words trail off.

I stare out the window, his face playing through my mind. His blue eyes so hurt. He trusted me. I was his family. I was the one person who was not supposed to abandon him. But, thats exactly what I did. I abandoned him in his moment of need. I should have seen how broken he was. Why didn't I see it? He was so brave, and strong, and fearless. He protected me. I couldn't see past my own image of him. See how much he needed me to protect him. I don't blame him for leaving me.

I look at the envelope in my hand. I open it and unfold the paper inside. My heart drops again. It is a list of the initiates I will be overseeing during the second stage of training. I throw it to the side and stare out the window again. I don't know what I was expecting. I know better than to think Tobias wrote me a love letter. _Stupid._

"Do you want to talk about it? I know you say you can't, but I think it would help to get it out." Christina says. She is still such a Candor. Always, thinking that the truth will set you free. Maybe, she is right.

"He asked me to marry him and I said I wasn't ready. He said something about that being the same as saying no. The next day, I found him in the fear landscape room, and tried to talk to him. He started yelling at me about how the uprising changed him, about he feels guilty every time he looks at me. He looked at me with the same look he gives Marcus. I hurt him that deeply. He doesn't see a difference in the two of us. I am just another person in his life that hurt him."

I can barely breath. My heart stings thinking about him. I can feel tears welling up in my eyes. Christina comes over and sits down next to me. She wraps an arm around my back, rocking me back and forth against her side. Holding me while I cry. She says soothing things, trying the best way she knows how to comfort me. I wish I could explain to her that it is no use. But, she would just do it anyway. So, I let her. She tells me it will get easier, but I don't believe her. This will never get easier.

The next morning, I let Christina talk me into going down stairs to the dining hall for breakfast. I sit in the corner, facing out, so I can see everyone. I am a expecting everyone to be looking at me and pointing, talking about mine and Tobias's breakup. But, no one even seems to notice I am there. I start to think that the only reason they ever noticed me was because I was with him. He always told me I was wrong for thinking that. But then again, he told me a lot of things that I am not sure were true.

I see him walk in and I feel like all the air has left the room. I freeze. He scans the room and his eyes stop on mine. He stands there frozen a moment. I try to read his expression, but there is nothing intelligible there. I see him breath in and out, setting his jaw. He walks toward the table where Lauren and some others are sitting. He sits down with his back towards me.

Christina and Will say that we can leave if I want to. I _do_ want to. I want to run from here, and never come back. But, I have nowhere else to go. I can't go back to Abnegation, I have no parents and no home to go back to. Dauntless is my home now, but it doesn't feel that way at the moment. I am not sure it will ever feel that way again. He made it my home. But, he left me, it was his choice. _He walked away._ I chose him and he chose to be alone.

I shake my head at her and look back down at my food. I have to face this. This is my new reality. We are both going to have to be here, so we might as well get used to seeing each other. I force myself to look up. I see Lauren leaning over the table. She says something to Tobias, and looks at me. Tobias glances back at me for a moment and shakes his head. They are talking about me. I feel embarrassment spreading across my cheeks. Tears start to form in my eyes and I blink trying to clear them.

Will notices and nudges Christina. They get up and tell me I don't have a choice. I nod and follow them out of the dining hall. I can feel his eyes following me as I go. I take the long way to the simulation rooms. I don't want to risk running into him. When I get to my assigned room, the initiates are already there. They all break apart when they hear me coming. Most of them refuse to meet my eyes and I know they were talking about us, too. _Great. There is no escaping this. _

I see Tobias step out of one of the rooms. He calls one of the initiates, looking up and down the hall. His eyes meet mine and we stare at each other. I try so hard, with my eyes, to tell him everything I am feeling. His eyes flash with something familiar, something warm, for a moment I feel like he still loves me. It is over as quickly as it began. His face hardens again. He is no longer my Tobias. All, I see is Four. His walls cutting me off from him, once more.

I take a deep breath and harden my face, becoming Six. I convince myself, I am the girl that is fearless, that doesn't need anybody. I chose to leave my family to become Dauntless. I didn't need a family then, I don't need one now. He has his walls and I have mine.


	10. Chapter 10

_**AN: Thanks for all the reviews. Please keep them coming! I hope you like this chapter. I wrote it several times before posting, trying to get it right.**_

_Tobias_

As I leave my simulation room, a song plays in my head. _Someday, some how, I'm gonna make it all right, but not right now_. _I know you are wondering when._ It has been playing through me head all day. My mind goes to Tris. It's been days since I have seen her face. I feel a pain in my chest. I head down the hallway towards the dining hall. I take the long way. I am not in a hurry to see anyone, and don't want to deal with Lauren and Shauna asking me if I have talked to Tris. I know they think I'm not trying, but I am trying. I have hung back after training, hoping to catch her alone in the hallway, so I could talk to her. She must be leaving as soon as training is done, because she hasn't been there.

I did go by Christina and Will's apartment after dinner one night, right before we started phase two. I saw them in the dining hall and asked about Tris. I had typed out the list of initiates in everyone's simulation rooms. I was going to use giving it to her as an excuse to talk to her, but she was never in the dining hall. They said they hadn't seen her, and I thought she might have left and gone back to her house in Abnegation for a while. But then, I saw Christina get a plate of food and knew she had to be there. There aren't many people a Candor, like Christina, would lie for, but Tris is one of them.

I just stood outside the door. I just couldn't bring myself to knock. I wasn't ready then, to forgive her. Now, I have realized there was nothing to forgive. She didn't do anything but tell me the truth. I was the one being dishonest, hiding my feelings about the uprising from her. We promised after the uprising to always be honest with each other. She kept her end of the bargain. I was the one who couldn't live up to it.

I see her across the Pit. She is staring at the chasm, lost in her own thoughts. She breaths out hard and presses her palms to her face, wiping them on her jeans. She is trying not to cry. She always does that when she is trying to seem tougher than she feels. I need to be near her, to comfort her.

I start towards her, but I stop. I don't know what to say. How do you start a conversation with a person you turned your back on? She didn't leave me. I left her. I did this to her. I am the reason she is on the verge of tears. This was all my choice. But, I want to change it. I want her to know I choose her. I will always choose her. Love isn't something that just happens, it is a choice and I choose to love her.

I just stand there, lost in my own thoughts for a moment, then I hear it. That voice. It sends shivers down my spine. He is drunk. He is looking for trouble, and he is talking to her.

"Looking awfully lonely there _Stiff_? I could help with that." Eric says, looking her up and down with a hungry look in his eyes.

She doesn't respond. She just continues to stare at the rushing water in front of her. She is smarter than to antagonize him.

"What? You know you want to. Now, that you have gotten over that seventh fear and all." he says. He is right beside her, touching her face and moving her hair behind her ear. I see her whole body stiffen at his touch, alert. She breathes in and out slowly. She doesn't look at him.

"Go away, Eric. You're drunk, and I'm not interested," she says, firmly. Her hands are clasped tightly to the rail. She looks a little like a trapped animal.

He leans in and says something in her ear. Her face contorts in fury and she slaps him hard across the face. In a flash, he grabs her arm and wrenches her towards him. I see fear flash in her eyes, but only for a moment, then she hardens her gaze.

"Get your hands off me." she hisses at him.

"I don't think so, I think I am going to take you with me." he says, an inch from her face. He sticks his tongue out, and licks the side of her face. "I like the way you taste, _Stiff_. Can't wait to find out what else I like about you." He sneers.

I had started towards them as soon as he brushed her hair out of her face. My nervousness over talking to her replaced by my stronger need to protect her. I don't really care if she loves me or not right now, as long as she is safe. I was only a few feet from them when he licked her, and now I am right in front of them. My fists are tightly clenched and my whole body vibrates in anger. If he even tries to move an inch with her, I will end him.

"Don't touch her," my voice is loud and firm. "Don't fucking touch her."

He turns around to face me, Tris's arm still firmly in his grasp. He is squeezing her arm so tight, her skin is starting to bruise.

"What the hell do you care Four? You're done with her anyway. She is just your leftovers now." He looks at me with a smug smile. She continues to struggle to free herself from his grasp.

"Let her go, Eric. I won't ask you again." My voice is low, my words come out more of a growl.

"You won't ask me again or what? What are you going to do about it?" He says, arrogantly. "Everybody else may be scared of the mighty Four, but I sure as hell aren't. You aren't going to do shit and we both know it."

Before he has time to react, I rush him, knocking Tris hard to the ground. She backs up instinctively and scrambles to her feet. But she doesn't run, instead she takes a defensive stance. She won't leave me. She is choosing to stay. She is choosing me.

"Run Tris, now!" I command her. She doesn't move. She just locks her eyes on Eric.

Eric scrambles back to his feet. His has a murderous look in his eyes, absolutely psychotic. He will kill us both, if we give him the chance. He comes back at me and I am ready for him. I duck low and punch him in the stomach hard. I knock the breath from him, but he doesn't go down. I feel his fist collide with the side of my head and my vision goes blurry at the edges. I stumble backwards and my legs feel unsteady. I see Tris lunge for something, but I don't have time to look at what it is. I recover and come back at him. I see blood spatter from his mouth as my fist connects with his jaw. This time he is the one who sways. Tris sees her opportunity and lunges forward wrapping her arm around his neck, a knife clearly visible in her hand. She presses the blade of the knife into his skin, blood trickles down his neck.

He closes his eyes and grins a little. It is a predatory look, he is not afraid, he almost seems like he enjoys the pain. He throws his body weight forward and Tris is unable to hold on. She falls to the ground, the knife flying across the room. He swings his foot and connects hard to Tris's face. I see blood run down her chin and her body goes limp.

Something inside me snaps. I don't really know what I am doing, I just know that I will kill him. I don't think, I just lunge at him, my hands wrapping tightly around his throat. He laughs hysterically and wraps his hands around my wrists. He head butts me, but I barely feel it, adrenaline and pure rage pumping through my veins. I press my body weight forward and he falls to the floor taking me with him. I continue to squeeze my hands around his throat like a vice. Staring at him, watching his eyes roll back in his head. I can feel the life leaving him. His grip loosens around my wrists, and I know he is close.

"Tobias, don't. Its over... its over now." Her voice is weak, but it is all I need to hear.

I instantly let go of Eric's throat and I hear him cough and sputter, gasping for air. I run over to Tris, picking her up in my arms. She is conscious, but I don't know for how long. I run towards the infirmary with her. Her arms clench tightly around my neck and her head is pressed against my chest. I feel her head stir against me and look down to see if she is ok.

"Take me home, Tobias. I want to go home. Please?" her eyes sparkle at me, and in that moment I forget all my anger, all my hurt, and all I can feel is her love.

I don't argue with her. I just do what she asks, because I want to go home too. I arrive in front of our apartment door a few minutes later. I carry her in and lie her down on the bed. I start to stand up, going to put on a clean shirt. The one I am wearing is covered in blood. She reaches out trying to pull me back to her, but her face is swollen and she can't really see to grab me. I catch her hand in mine.

"Tris its ok, your home now. Your safe. I'm just going to change my shirt. I"ll be right back." I stroke her hair trying to calm her down.

"Tobias, please.." She coughs and blood trickles out of her mouth. I squeeze her hand, she needs a doctor now.

I immediately pick her up again and she is limp in my arms. _No. Not again_. I can't lose her. I run with her towards the infirmary. I burst through the doors and the charge nurse looks up at me in surprise. Christina. Her eyes look at me and then at Tris's lifeless body in my arms.

"Help! She needs help now." Christina jumps up and runs over to me. A few nurses follow and immediately start trying to work on her, they are saying something to me, but I can't process what they are saying.

"Four, you have to let go of her. We can't help her if you won't let go. FOUR!" Christina slaps me across the face hard, bringing me back to reality. "Four put her down, you have to let go so we can help."

I nod and lay Tris on the gurney. The rush her away through a set of doors, yelling codes and words I don't understand. I stand there, rooted to the spot I let go of her. She will be ok. She has to be ok. It feels like I stand there a lifetime, but I know it has only been a few minutes, when Christina walks back out.

She glares at me. "What the hell happened to her? I swear if you had anything-"

"Eric." It's all I can manage to say. I press my hands to my forehead. I take deep breaths trying to calm myself. My mind is going in a million different directions. I need to get control over myself, or I won't be any help to anyone.

"You need to leave now, Four." Christina says, her voice is low, like she is trying to warn me about something.

"Tris. What about Tris?" I say. I don't care about the danger Christina thinks I'm in. All I can think about is her.

"She is stable. I will come find you when I finish here. But you have to get out of here, now. They brought Eric in about thirty minutes ago. He was barely breathing. They are looking for answers. You need to go. You can't be here." She takes my arm and leads me towards the door.

I walk with her willingly for a moment, but before I make it out the door, I stop hard. "Tell her I'm sorry. I love her. Just tell her I love her, ok?"

Christina looks at me, staring into my eyes, like she is searching me. "I know you do. I will tell her. But, you have to go now."

I turn and walk as fast as I can back to our apartment. As soon as the door is closed behind me, I drop to my knees, my whole body shakes and tears flow uncontrollably down my face. _Please, God, let her be ok._


	11. Chapter 11

**AN: Happy Mother's Day to all those who celebrate it. I hope you enjoy this chapter. The next one maybe up tonight, but if not tomorrow. Thank you for all the reviews. I hit 1,200 readers today. I feel honored. Happy reading!**

Chapter 11

_Tris_

_Mom? Mom is that you? She is walking away, why is she walking away? I want to go with her. I miss you, mom. Please, I want to come with you. She shakes her head and says its not time yet. Not time for what? I don't understand, why does she keep walking away from me? Did I do something wrong?_ Everything starts to fade and there is a bright light.

There is a faint beeping sound that grows louder as the light grows brighter. I feel the pressure of someone's hand on mine. I try to open my eyes. Blinking to relieve the brightness of the light as my eyes try to adjust. Everything is fuzzy and I am disoriented. A moment ago, I was in my house in the Abnegation sector. Now I am in a different room.

"You're ok Tris. Your safe. Your in the infirmary. You are safe. I'm here, " a voice says. It is low and masculine, it comforts me.

The person knows my name. _How does he know my name? _The voice sounds familiar. Maybe, Caleb is here. _Why would Caleb be here, in the Dauntless compound?_ I turn my head to look at him and pain shoots through my entire body. I t feels like it is slicing through my brain. I wince, crying out softly. I look at him and immediately see his blue eyes. Four squeezes my hand and says something about getting the doctor. He kisses me on the forehead before he goes. _Weird. Why would Four kiss me?_ Before I can think about it too much, he returns with the doctor.

"Hello? Do you know your name?" the doctor asks. It is an odd question. Why wouldn't I know my name? Peter must have kicked me harder than I thought.

"Tris." I say.

"Do you know who this is?" He says, pointing at Four.

"Four." I say, impatience showing in my voice.

"I know these seem like simple questions Tris, but Eric gave you quite a blow to the head and we need to check to make sure you are all there." He smiles at me, but I am too confused to return it.

"You mean Peter. _Peter_ and I fought today and he kicked me in the head right before I passed out. You said Eric kicked me, but it was Peter." I say looking at Four to confirm it. I know he left before it was over, but surely they told him what happened, when he brought me here. His face is even, his arms are crossed and the corners of his mouth are turned down. He is studying me. It makes me nervous.

"How old are you Tris?" The doctor asks.

"Sixteen. But I don't understand what any of that has to do with-"

"What's my real name?" Four asks.

"How am I supposed to know? I only joined Dauntless three days ago." I say, defensively. _Why would he ask that? _

They both stare stare at me with the same concerned look on their faces. I close my eyes. The pain in my head is overwhelming and I feel like I might be sick. I open my eyes long enough to see Four and the doctor step into the hall. Four starts talking to him in a low tone, he is clearly angry about something. The doctor nods at him, trying to explain something to Four. They are both talking low, so I can only catch words here and there.

"You said she would be ok... ," I hear Four say.

"We said we were hopeful, but memory loss is common-" the doctor starts.

"She doesn't remember any of it...how I am supposed to explain...she doesn't know who I am." Four punches the wall beside him.

I am confused why he is so mad. I remember it just fine. The choosing ceremony, training, the fight. _What is it he thinks I don't remember?_ Christina walks up and puts her hand on Four's arm. She says something to him. He shakes her off and presses his fingers to the bridge of his nose scrunching his eyebrows. She walks in the room and comes over to me.

"How are you feeling, Tris?" She asks, I can tell that she is nervous, like she wants to tell me something but doesn't know how.

"My head hurts, but other than that-why are dressed like that?" She has on nurses scrubs, and there is a stethoscope around her neck. Her eyes start to water and her lip trembles, but she steadies herself.

She swallows hard and takes a deep breath. "I have to tell you some things and they are going to be hard for you to hear. Are you ready to hear them?"

I look at her and feel frightened. Four walks back in the room and stands behind her. He has tears in his eyes. _Why would he be so upset? Is this all over me?_ It doesn't make any sense. I guess I will find out soon enough. I nod at her and she looks at Four trying to find the words. He nods at her, but doesn't take his eyes off me.

"Tris, you suffered a massive head injury. You had some hemorrhaging, and several broken bones in your face. You have had two operations. " She pauses and takes a breath. "You have been out for three days. We weren't sure if you would wake up at all." Her resolve starts to fail, but she carries on as tears roll down her cheeks. "You are suffering from amnesia. You told the doctor that you thought Peter did this during training."

"Well, yeah, but I didn't think he kicked me that hard. I still don't understand what you are talking about. Why are you dressed like that and why is Four here?" I say. I am starting to get agitated. I don't want Four to think I don't want him here, because I do. Something about him makes me feel calm.

Four squeezes her shoulder and she continues. His face is hard like he doesn't want to hear what she is about to say. "Your fight with Peter was two years ago. Your injuries are from Eric attacking you. He tried to force you to go to his room with him and..."

She looks at Four again. She doesn't want to tell me the rest. She can't. I look up at him and his eyes stare back at me, there is something in them. I can't tell what it is, it looks like fear mixed with anger, but there is more. They are also warm, almost like he is looking at me with love. My head feels fuzzy, and I close my eyes. I start to breath faster and the machine starts to beep, my pulse spreading up to match.

"And what? What is it you aren't telling me?" My voice comes out harsh and raspy.

"And I almost killed him." Four finishes, tersely, through gritted teeth.

"Why? Why would you do that for me? You barely know me?" I ask, confused and in awe that any one would do that for me.

"Because, I love you. I always have and I always will." His voice shakes and he bites his lip, tears shine in his eyes. This is not the Four I remember. He is not my intimidating and harsh instructor, right now. He is someone else entirely, l don't know this person.

Christina gets up and says that she will come back later to check on me. Four replaces her in the seat next to my bed. He takes my hand and looks into my eyes. _None of this makes sense._ My head starts to feel funny and images and words dance through my mind. A sharp pain stabs at me behind my eyes, and I put my hand to my forehead out of reflex. He brushes my hair out of my face, tucking it behind my ear. I smell his scent and it smells like sweat and metal. It reminds me of the training room. An image flashes through my mind of his eyes and a knife sticking in a board, right next to my cheek. But it is hazy, like I am remembering a dream.

"You love me? Are we...together?" I stagger. Another image plays in my mind, us on top of a ferris wheel. I close my eyes, but I can only see bits and pieces.

"Yes. At least I hope we still are. We had a fight right before you were attacked. You really don't remember any of it?" His voice is quite and sad.

"I'm sorry. I really don't. I want to though." I say, running my hand across his rough cheek. I don't think he has shaved in a few days. Or slept, for that matter. He looks exhausted. He presses his hand over mine and kisses my wrist. My skin tingles were he kissed me, and another image floats to the surface. We are on a train leaving the city, there are other people in the car, but they are not all Dauntless. For some reason, I think Caleb is one of them. Four's hand is pressed over mine, just the way it is now, and he is saying he loves me, that he will be my family now. When I open my eyes again, he is looking at me, worried. My face is pulled tight in a grimace. He must think I'm in pain.

"What is it? Do you hurt? Do you need the doctor?" He says in a panic.

"No, when you touched my hand, I saw something in my mind. Its been happening since you came back in the room, after I woke up. It's like watching a dream. I don't want to say that I am remembering, because I don't know if they are memories or something else. I don't know if it is real or not."

"I'm going to go get Chris, she might know what's going on. I don't want to risk anything else happening to you." He says, standing and turning to go.

He tries to let go of my hand, but I stop him. I look into his eyes. They are so beautiful, deep blue. I feel safer when he is near me. Right now, everything seems like a bad dream, like I am in one of my nightmares. It is a simulation that I can't control. I don't want him to leave. I don't want to be left alone in my nightmare.

"Lay with me, just until I fall asleep. Then, you can go get Christina, ok?" I say. My eyes plead with him to say yes. He looks down at me and smiles a small smile. It makes me feel warm and safe, like I am back at home, in Abnegation.

"Ok, but you know I will be right back, right? I will never leave you." His eyes are firm and steady. It is not a statement, meant only to comfort me, it is a vow.

I nod. I know he isn't lying. Something in me trusts him instinctively, even if I can't remember why. I hope I will, one day. I can tell he loves me, _truly_ loves me. I want to love him like that. I scoot over to give him room on the small bed. He lays down next to me, and I tense up, at first. After all, he is pretty much a complete stranger to me, even if I am not to him. But then, he lays his arm around my waist, pulling me against him. He wraps his other arm around my shoulders, and I lay my head on his chest. I can hear his heartbeat and the sound of his breathing. It is calm and steady, familiar. I start to relax against him. This feels comfortable, like slipping on my favorite pair of shoes. My eyes grow heavy, I didn't realize how tired I was until this moment. I close my eyes, hoping when I wake up all of this will have been a bad dream.

Well, almost all of it. I want this part, the part with Four's arms around me, to be real. He whispers 'I love you' in my ear. It is the last thing I hear before I drift off to sleep.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

_Tobias_

Tris fell asleep shortly after I laid down with her. I went and found Christina to ask about Tris. She said that I shouldn't worry. It sounded normal for Tris's condition. _Her condition_. Christina said it like it was no big deal. The logical part of me knows it is because of her medical training that she stated it so matter of factually, but the other part of me wanted to yell at her for saying any of this was normal. She could tell it irritated me and told me to go home and rest. I didn't want to leave Tris, but she was sleeping, so I agreed.

I haven't showered or really slept in days. I never left her side, once they let me see her. I go back to our apartment and head for the bathroom. I pass the bed and the sheets are stained with her blood. I stop and remove them from the bed. I shove them and the dirty clothes from that night in a laundry bag. I will drop it off at the washroom on my way back to the infirmary.

I go into the bathroom and start the shower. I look in the mirror at the shadow of a person looking back at me. I have dark circles under my eyes and a substantial five o'clock shadow. I brush my teeth as the steam starts to fog up the mirror. I jump in the shower and let the water run over me, hoping it will wash all of this away. I stay until the water turns cold. When I get out, I go to the mirror and shave. First, my face and then my hair, cutting it back down to its Abnegation length. I look in the mirror again, the face staring back at me looks more like my own, but I still have the circles under my eyes.

I go back in the bedroom and dress in clean clothes. I pause a minute and grab one of her shirts. I hold it to my face, trying to breath in her scent, but there is nothing left. It has been too long since she was here with me. I put clean sheets on the bed. When I finish I lie down, my hand tracing the empty side of the bed. I can feel my eyes get heavy, no longer able to fight the exhaustion anxiety and adrenaline have kept at bay for days now. I fall into a dreamless sleep.

I awake with a jump. I hear knocking at the door and a voice is yelling my name. I jump up and run to the door. _Tris._ I throw the door open in a panic, expecting it to be Will or Zeke trying to find me about Tris. Max stands at the door looking a little surprised.

"Four, everything ok? I have been knocking for a while now. I was about to give up and go looking for you." He says, eyeing me nervously.

"No, it's fine. I thought you were...I'm fine. Come in." I say. I turn and walk back into the living room sitting in a chair. Max follows me and sits down on the couch.

"As you know, we have started an investigation into what happened the night you and Eric fought. Eric was released today and is expected to make a full recovery, but that does not diminish the charges that have been brought against you or him. We have agreed to let the Candor come in and use truth serum to question you both. After they have made their investigation, the leadership will take into account your testimonies and make a decision." Max looks at me, trying to gauge my reaction to what he just told me. I stare back at him with a straight face, trying to convince him I am unaffected by his words. _Let them question me, I have nothing to hide. He deserved what he got._

"What about Tris? Are you going to question her, too?" I ask. He looks confused by this. He must not know she is awake.

"Tris is awake? When? Is she doing ok?" His voice is no longer as formal as before. He looks genuinely concerned about her condition. I don't agree with Max's leadership style or most of his decisions, but I know that he respects Tris and everything she has done for our faction. He has been impressed with her as an ambassador.

"No. She isn't doing ok. He nearly killed her. She is in no state to be questioned. Even if the doctors would allow it, I won't." My anger shows in my voice more than I would like, but I don't care right now. Max's face returns to the serious stare he had when telling me about the investigation.

"I'm afraid you don't get a say in it, Four. You have no authority to make decisions for her." He states.

"The hell I don't. I am her family, the only family she has left. I will protect her no matter the cost to me or my life." My voice is raised, and my fists are clenched tightly.

"I know that is how you see it, but the fact is you two are not married. You have no legal right to stop the decision of the leadership. If her medical team feels like she is up to it, then we will have her questioned, as well. I know you are trying to protect her, but think about it this way, her testimony will help give a clear picture of that nights's events. It may be the best way to protect her." He says, shrugging his shoulders.

"I think its time for you to leave. I need to get back down to Tris." I say, standing and walking him to the door. _Who the hell is he to tell me I am not her family_. I follow him out and shut the door, locking it behind me. As I turn to walk away, he grabs my arm. I stop and tense my muscles in defense.

"Look Four, I'm not saying Eric is innocent in any of this. He attacked a Dauntless leader and not just any leader. Everyone knows what we owe her and you both, for your actions during the uprising. We are on your side, ok?" he says. I don't believe him. The only side Max is ever on is his own.

"I'll keep that in mind." I say and then I turn and walk away towards the infirmary. My mind is racing over what Max just told me. I have to figure out a way to protect Tris from all this. Soon, they will know that she doesn't remember anything, and I know Eric will find a way to use it to his advantage. I should have killed him when I had the chance. I just keep walking, trusting my feet to lead themselves. I start across the Pit and hear a voice yell my name.

"Four! Wait up." I stop and look for the source. Christina and Will are walking towards me. She is still in her scrubs. She must have just finished her shift. They reach me and Christina gives me a weak smile, trying to lower my defenses.

"I can't talk now. I have to get back to Tris." I start to walk again and Will puts his hand on my shoulder to stop me. I give him a warning look, letting him know it is in his best interest to remove his hand. He gets the message and lets it drop back to his side.

"She is still asleep. They upped her pain meds after she was awake, her blood pleasure was higher than we would like. Usually, that is a sign of pain. She is fine, she should be out for a couple more hours. Come and eat with us. I can explain more about her condition to you, answer any questions you have. She is going to need you to be calm, if you are going to help her through this. The more you know, the less likely you are to panic." Christina smiles at me and looks into my eyes. She may be a smart mouth Candor, but she does have a point sometimes.

I nod my head at her and we walk to the dining hall. We sit down at a table by ourselves near the back. I sit in the corner hoping no one else will notice us. I don't really feel like talking to our whole group right now. I know they mean well, but they can be nosier than I care for, most of the time.

Christina explains to me that Tris's amnesia is more than likely due to the swelling in her brain and scar tissue from her surgery to stop the hemorrhaging. She says it may go away in a few days, or it could be permanent. Only time would tell how much of her memory she would be able to recover. She would be sensitive to noise and light for a while and may have mood swings. I snort a little when she mentions the mood swings. Tris has always had those. Her fiery personality is one of the things I love about her. I think about what Christina has told me, trying to take it all in. But, none of it explains what she said about the things she was seeing in her mind.

"But, Christina, Tris said that she was seeing things in her mind, like she was remembering a dream. She said she wasn't sure if they were real or not. They were jumbled and fuzzy she said, like they didn't make sense. Every time it would happen she looked like she was in pain," I say, still confused and overwhelmed by it all.

"Did she say when it started, what triggered them?" Christina asks.

"She said that they started after I came back into the room, when you were talking to her." I say.

"Did you touch her, or hug her? Did you tell her anything that was familiar, like calling her a nickname or using a phrase the two of you use often?" Will asks. I can see his Erudite brain working. He is trying to figure out what is going on. His eyes are looking up and his tongue slightly sticks out of his mouth, curling around his upper lip. He reminds me of Caleb.

"I don't think so, I brushed her hair out of her face and held her hand, but that was it." I say shrugging.

"Your hand was on her face, close enough for her to smell you?" Will asks, completely serious.

"Well, yeah Will. He touched her face. What does this have to do with anything?" Christina says, sounding annoyed.

"Scent is the closest thing tied to memory. I read an article about it one time. I don't know about all the other brain stuff, but it is entirely possible that your scent triggered something in her mind. That those were real memories she was experiencing." He finishes. Taking a bite of his food, as if we are discussing the weather.

My heart skips a beat. I feel like all the weight has been lifted from me. I look at Christina, my mouth open and my eyes wide. I jump up. I have to go, right now. If there is even the slightest chance that those were real memories, I have to get back to her. She remembers me, us. I know, deep down, she loves me. She wouldn't forget me.

"Four, just because know-it-all over there thinks he read something a million years ago, doesn't mean its true." She says, giving Will a dirty look. "I just don't want you to get your hopes up. More than likely, it was nothing, hallucinations created by her brain."

I hear her, but I don't really listen. I don't want to know if they are not real. Quite honestly, I don't really care. I run as fast as I can to her, only slowing when I enter her room. I walk up to the bed and she is sleeping peacefully. I gently ease her over and slide into the bed beside her. I pull her to my chest and feel her breathe in deeply, a small sigh escaping her. I lay there with her, running my fingers through her hair, gently stroking her back. Come on, Tris. You remember me, I know you do.

I don't know how long I lay there. But, I drift off to sleep again. This time I dream about her. She is laughing at something. Her eyes are lit up and they sparkle with that amazing spark. I feel her nuzzle her face into my chest. I look down at her and smile. There is a faint smile on her face. In this moment, I can pretend that nothing is different. If I close my eyes, we are back in our apartment, safe and sound.

She begins to stir and I know she is starting to wake up. I let go of her and move to get out of the bed. I don't want to scare her, in case she is not expecting me to be here. As I move to sit up, her hands clasp my shirt and she pulls at me.

"Tobias, stay." She says, her eyes still closed.

_Tobias. She said my name._ I lay back down and wrap her in my arms. I kiss her softly on the head, relief crashing over me in waves. I close my eyes and tears slowly run down my cheeks. She remembers me.


	13. Chapter 13

**AN: Sorry it has taken me a few days to update. I went back and forth on how I wanted the story to progress. I have a clear vision now and should be able to update more frequently. I appreciate all the reviews, PM's, follows, and faves. Thank you to those that sent me messages on proof reading mistakes. I am in the process of fixing those and reloading those chapters. Thanks for reading, I promise you won't be disappointed.**

Chapter 13

_Tris_

_I see a tall figure standing in front of me. He is strong and confident. I can see black ink curling over his neck poking up from the collar of his black t-shirt. I run behind him trying to catch up with him. He turns the corner down another dark corridor. Wait, please stop. He pauses and glances over his shoulder, looking back at me. I see his dark blue eyes, and handsome face. He looks sad. I run, trying to catch him. He starts away from me again. I am almost to him and I reach out trying to grab his shirt. Tobias, stay._

Then everything starts to fade. I am in blackness. I feel a pair of strong arms wrapped around me. I feel someone press their lips to my head. I try to open my eyes, but they are heavy and it takes me a minute to fully realize where I am. I blink a few times and my eyes focus on a boy's chest. I look up and see he is laying in the bed with me. His face is wet and I know he has been crying. _Why is he crying?_ He looks down at me and his eyes meet mine. They are the same dark blue from my dream. _Four._ I close my eyes trying to remember the dream, but it is fading fast. _What was his name? I knew his name, his real name, just a moment ago_. I open my eyes and he is studying me, his eyes no longer sad. Now they sparkle, filled with hope.

"I love you, Tris. I knew you would remember me. I knew you couldn't forget us," he says, pulling me closer to him.

I look up at him. My hands are clutching is shirt. I relax them, laying them flat against his chest. I stare at him trying to make sense of what he is saying to me. He notices the confusion in my eyes and loosens his grip. His eyes start to look sad again. I don't want him to be sad. But, I don't know why he thinks I remember. _It was just a dream, right?_

"You don't remember me." he says, unable to hide the disappointment in his voice. He looks away from me, staring at the wall behind me.

"Tobias. That's your real name, isn't it?" I say, apprehensively.

He looks back at me and his mouth is open in shock. Now, he looks at me with a confused look on his face.

"Yes." he says, still studying my eyes, trying to find a sliver of the girl he once knew.

"I dreamed about you. I don't remember all of it. Just your name." I say.

"You said it, right before you woke up. You said 'Tobias, stay.' You grabbed at me and pulled me back to you."

I close my eyes trying to remember the dream. I see my hand grasp for his shirt and I did say those words. I must have been talking in my sleep. But, it was a dream. It can't be real. Why would I know his real name in my dream, but not now? I feel frustrated and angry. This is so unfair. Unfair to him and unfair to me. I feel tears forming in my eyes and try to blink them away.

He presses his hand to my face, "Shh... Tris, its ok. Its ok that you don't remember. You will. I know you will. You already remembered my name. Its a start. Please, don't cry."

His thumb skims my cheek. I feel comforted the moment I feel his hand on me. I don't know why he has this effect on me. There is something about him that calms me. The Four I remember, was cold and intimidating, a little scary at times. I would have never guessed that he was so kind. I want to know the kind side of him. I want to remember who he really is.

"I'm sorry." I take a stuttered breath. "I know you love me. I can tell by the way you look at me. I can feel it in every touch. I want so badly to love you like that. Its not fair to you." I look down and begin to cry. He puts his fingers under my chin pulling it up so that I am looking directly into his eyes.

"You will, Tris. I know you will." he says, there is not a hint of doubt in his voice.

_What have we been through that he has no doubt we will find our way back to each other?_ I never knew one person could have this much devotion to another person, before. _And, why me?_ There is nothing particularly special about me. I am not pretty, or funny. I look like a twelve year old girl. He could have any girl he wants. _Why would he choose me?_ I look at him, amazed by the person I see. He looks down at me and presses his lips to mine. There is electricity flowing between us. His lips are warm and soft. They make my stomach flutter and my heart beats fast. I hear the machine beep faster, recording the effect he has over me. Our lips part and all I want is to feel them again.

"Sorry," he says, almost like he is embarrassed. "I just couldn't help myself. You have no idea how long its been since I have been able to do that."

I grin and pull at his shirt. I press my lips back to his and I feel his hand slide into my hair. His fingers anchoring behind my ear. He deepens the kiss and I don't pull away. I don't remember kissing him before, and I am ok with that. I get to experience it for the first time all over again. I wonder if this is what it feels like every time I kiss him. We hear the door open and our lips break apart. This time I am the one looks embarrassed. He slides his hand out of my hair, running his fingers under my chin and smiling down at me before looking up to see who is in the room.

"Well, I'm glad to see you two aren't waisting anytime getting reacquainted." Christina says, a small grin pressed against her lips.

Tobias slides out of bed and I feel cold in his absence. I hadn't realized how much his presence was keeping me warm. He bites his lip and looks down, like a child that just got caught doing something wrong. He sits in the chair beside the bed, running his hand over the back of his neck. I smile, watching him. He has a charm I wish I had seen earlier. Maybe if I had seen it earlier in my training, I would be able to remember it now.

"Hi Christina, have you come to check on me?" I say. I know she is a nurse now, but it still seems strange to me. But, then again, everything seems strange to me.

"Actually, I came to check on Four. I was worried that he... well, never mind." she finishes, giving him a questioning look. He shrugs his shoulders at her, but doesn't really confirm or deny anything.

"Worried about what?" I ask. I look between her and Tobias. He shakes his head at her slightly. She cocks her head to the side and narrows her eyes at him. This is a look I do remember. She is trying to decide if he is lying. She studies him and then turns to me. She thinks he is lying. I can tell by her face.

"Tris, Four tells me you have been having flashbacks, or images that play in your mind. He says you can't really make them out, like they are a dream. When did they start?" she asks.

"I don't really know. Not long after I woke up. I didn't really understand everything, when you were talking to me. Then you left and Tobias was here with me. They just kind of started. Every time I would have one, my head would hurt. I don't know if they are real, though," I say, shaking my head.

"Tobias? Your real name is Tobias?" She looks at him. He nods at her and then looks at me, grinning.

"You didn't know that?" I say. I feel bad for telling her his real name. I guess I wasn't supposed to do that. _Am I the only one that knows?_ Well, I guess I'm not now.

"The only person I ever told in Dauntless was you. You are the only person I trust with that part of me," he says it so sure, so fierce. "And if you ever tell anyone Christina, I will kill you. It will be a painful and slow death, I assure you."

"Calm down there, killer. I won't tell anyone." she laughs.

"Tris, how did you know that was his name? Did he tell you?"

"No. I dreamt it. I dreamt about him and in the dream I knew his name. Why would I know in my dream, but not in reality? It doesn't make sense." I feel his fingers slide between mine. He squeezes my hand and traces circles over my knuckles with his thumb. It steadies me.

"I don't know," Christina says, shaking her head. She seems as confused by all this as I am. "But, I promise you both I will find out."

"When can she go home?" Tobias asks.

"Tomorrow. If she is stable overnight, there is no reason for her to stay here. You can administer her pain meds and she doesn't have any injuries that would stop her from moving on her own." Christina tells him, smiling at me.

I am shocked. _Home. We have a home, together._ The last thing I remember, I was being worried that I wouldn't fit in here. I was ranked next to last, I was sure I would never be Dauntless. Now, I have a home and a handsome boy that loves me. _What the hell happened in the past two years?_


	14. Chapter 14

AN: Thanks for all the reviews. I know some of you aren't that happy with how sad it's been, but trust me the bumps in the road will be worth it in the end. Please continue to read and review.

Chapter 14

_Tobias_

It's been a week since Tris was released from the hospital. She has started to remember more, and I have taken her around the compound trying to help her remember. Everyday, I take her to a new spot and tell her the story of what happened there. Today we are going to the training room, some my favorite memories of her are in that room. Its kind of fun to tell her our story. I like watching her face as she listens. She looks so amazed by it all. I think it makes me love her more, if that's even possible.

When we walk in, she immediately goes over to the knives. She picks one up and and turns it over and over in her hand. She is staring at it intently and I know she is remembering something, the fragments of the memory swimming in her head as she tries to make sense of them. She makes the same face every time. I walk over and wrap my hands around her waist looking at it over her shoulder.

"You threw these at me, didn't you?" She asks me. Then, she puts her hand up to her ear. "And you cut me. You cut me on purpose. You wouldn't have missed. You never miss. Why would you do that?"

I told her the whole story about how Al had stood up to Eric and how she stood for him. I tell her how I forced her to keep her eyes open so that I could focus on them. I was so nervous, but her eyes steadied me. They always have, they always will. "I was so frustrated and angry with you for doing that. I couldn't stop you because I couldn't let Eric know I had feelings for you. I taunted you and called you Stiff, so he wouldn't be suspicious. Really, I did it to remind you someone else would have to stand there if you failed. It is when you are acting selflessly that you are the most brave."

"You knew you had feelings for me the second week of training?" She smiles at me.

"I knew the moment I pulled you from the net." I say. She turns around so she is facing me. Her eyes sparkle and she looks completely in awe of what I just said. I bend down and kiss her gently. Then, I pull back and smile thinking about how angry she was after I knicked her ear. "You were angry at me, you know, for nicking your ear. Not just a little bit, a whole lot. You yelled at me and told me I was no better than Eric. I think you even called me sadistic."

Her eyes get big and she says, "I did? I can't believe I stood up to you and Eric in the same day. What did you do?"

"I wanted to yell back at you and tell you how stupid you were being for putting yourself in danger and scared I that I would hurt you. But I didn't, instead I got in your face, like I did to Christina that first day, and told you if I had wanted to hurt you I would have already done it. I wanted to grab you and kiss you, but I didn't want someone to come in and see us so I turned around and left the room to stop myself." She laughs and this time I can kiss her. This time I can hold her. This time I can make the memories happy ones. She deserves to be happy. We deserve to be happy.

(Page Break)

I wake up and feel her snuggled against my chest. I kiss the top of her blonde head and breath her in, pulling her tightly against me. Mmmm. She murmurs against my bare chest and I smile as her warm breath sends shivers through me. I feel her hand slide up to my collarbone and she traces it with her fingers.

"Morning, beautiful." I say staring down at her.

"Hi." she says, looking back up at me.

I get lost in her eyes, and for a moment I forget everything that has happened. Everything that we have been through in the past two years fades away and all I can think about is how much I love her.

"What?" she asks, pulling me from my day dream.

"I just love you, that's all." I say, pressing my lips to hers.

She pulls away, and looks down. I can tell that she is upset, but I don't know what I did wrong. I prop myself up on one elbow and put the other under her chin forcing her to look at me.

"Tris, what's wrong? You can tell me anything you know. There is nothing you can tell me that will change the way I feel about you."

"I know, even if I hadn't lost my memories, I would have figured that out by now. But that's just it, every instinct I have trusts you, every part of my body knows your touch, like it has you memorized. I see your face in my dreams every night and when I wake up it all fades from me like some invisible force is pulling my life away. My heart tells me I love you. I know by the way I feel when you are near me and the way I miss you when you are away. But, my head tells me something completely different. My head tells me I barely know you. It is confusing and frustrating."

"Tris, its only been a week. You have more of your memories back than anyone thought you would at this point, you just need to give it more time, that's all." I smooth her hair and pull her to me again.

She resists a little at first, but then scoots willingly back against me. We lay there for a moment, and I resist the urge to do more than hold her. I have tried very hard not to be too physical with her. It took her two years to get over her fear of intimacy the first time and I don't know if it is something that is back now that those two years are missing.

I feel her hand slide up my neck into my hair. She pulls my face down to meet hers, pressing her lips to mine. It is gentle at first, but then she deepens it, kissing me passionately. I kiss back, running my hands up her back, rolling her over. I start to kiss down her jaw line to her neck, and then to my favorite spot, her tattoos. I kiss them each in turn. I have to move her shirt collar down to kiss the fourth one, the one closest to her heart. My fingers shake nervously, I hope she is not uncomfortable. But she doesn't stop me, she just sighs at my touch and I continue. I kiss it longer than the rest and she sighs again running her fingers through my short hair. I kiss back up her neck to her lips. I pull back and she looks at me curiously.

"Are you sure, you are ok with this?" I ask.

She smiles and nods, pulling me back down to her lips, whispering "Tobias, shut up."

I don't wait for her to have to tell me again. I slide my hand under her shirt kissing her hard. I find her small curves and my fingers begin to squeeze and knead at them. She moans against my lips, and I feel an excitement spreading across my body. She wraps one leg around my waist pulling my hips to hers. I roll over pulling her up on top of me. She sits up and allows me to slide her shirt off. I stare at her and she looks embarrassed. I wrap my hands around her ribs and sit up pressing my lips to the middle of her chest.

"You are so beautiful." I say as I begin kissing my way back up again.

My lips find hers and this time my kiss is slow and gentle, I try to put everything I feel for her in that kiss. She breaks apart from me and presses her forehead to mine. We stay that way for a long time. I lay back down and she slides off me resting her head against my chest, her bare skin pressed to mine. Her fingers idly trace the one tattoo I have on my chest, the letters VI directly over my heart.

"Six." she says. "Why do you have the number six tattooed on your chest in Roman numerals?"

I look at her and grin, "For the same reason you have a fourth bird tattooed on you."

"Thanks for the helpful answer, uh did you forget? I kinda got kicked in the head." she says, annoyance in her tone.

I laugh at her annoyance and she lets out a frustrated groan. "Ok, ok I'll explain. The ravens in your tattoo each represent a member of your family. The fourth one, the one closest to your heart, represents me. The number six over my heart represents you. It is sort of my nickname for you. During the uprising, when we would leave each other messages we would sign them with IV and VI so that people wouldn't know who they were to or from, incase the wrong person found them."

She stares up at me and then back down to the VI on my chest. She presses her hand over it and I press mine over hers holding it firmly to my heart.

"Why are our nicknames numbers, again?" she says.

"They are the number of fears we have. I have four and you have six." I decide the short version of her fear story is better, considering she is lying topless against me right now.

"That's not very many. Is that normal or are we like Dauntless freaks?" she asks, drawing her eyebrows in and frowning a little.

"Something like that, and no its not very many. In fact, I have the lowest number of fears in Dauntless and you have the second lowest."

"As in Dauntless now, or Dauntless ever?" Her voice is quiet.

"Ever." I say. She nods against my chest and closes her eyes. I wrap my arm around her and pull the covers over us more. She snuggles against me and I close my eyes. This is the first time in almost a month, I have felt relaxed, happy.

"We are kind of scary, Tobias." she says.

I laugh and kiss her on the top of her head. "We are not scary. Four and Six are scary. Tobias and Tris are just normal people."

I close my eyes and can see the scared look on the transfers faces as Tris stalked away that day in the dinning hall. I laugh again and Tris looks at me curiously.

"What are you thinking about?" she asks.

"The transfer think Six is much scarier than Four. You scared them all so bad in the dinning hall one day that they were looking at me to save them." I say, laughing a little.

"Seriously?" she says.

"Yep. Uriah was laughing so hard at them he fell off his chair. Speaking of the initiates, do you want to go to training with me tomorrow? Several of them have asked about you. We are doing fear landscape training and it would be a good way for you to see how the fear landscapes work." I say.

"If I say yes, can we go back to sleep?" she says trying to stifle a yawn. She never was a morning person.

"If I say yes, can we finish what we started later?" I reply. She doesn't answer and I feel her chest rising and falling against mine. She is already asleep.


	15. Chapter 15

**AN: Sorry its been a few days since my last update. School is almost finished and then I will be able to update more frequently. I hope you enjoy this chapter. Thanks so much for all the reviews and support. **

Chapter 15

_Tris_

I wake up a few hours later cuddled next to him. My skin feels sticky from sweat and I realize I am topless. For a moment, I am embarrassed to be lying next to him. I stare at his perfect form lying next to mine, and can't help but feel inadequate. But then, I remember him kissing me and telling me I was beautiful. _He thinks I'm beautiful. _

He feels me peel myself away from him and grabs at me. His strong arms wrap around me and his strong and pull me back to him. His lips find mine with his eyes still half closed from sleep. They dance with mine and I feel his hand slip to my chest. I pull back a little shocked and his eyes pop open.

"Tris, I'm so sorry." he starts, pulling his hand away from me.

I smile sheepishly at him and press my lips back to his. I know he is just trying to make me feel comfortable, but I also realize that for him this is normal. After all, I am sure this has to be normal behavior for us after two years of dating. He seems to relax a little at my kiss, but doesn't put his hand back. Instead he moves it to my face, holding me in the kiss longer, sliding his fingers behind my ear.

"What do you want to do today?" he asks, pulling away from me. He continues to stroke my arm with his fingers and I feel little shivers run through me.

"I don't know. What would we usually do on Sunday?" I ask him.

He makes a face as if he is thinking about it. Then he grins and his eyes light up. "I want to take you somewhere. Do you feel like jumping on a train today?"

"I guess." I says, a little hesistantly.

"Good. We can go on a little walk down memory lane, and then we can go to Zeke's. He is having a party tonight." he says. "But first, let's go eat. I'm starving."

I agree and he lets go of me. I head to the bathroom to get ready. I am standing in the bathroom with a towel wrapped around me, when there is a knock on the door. The door swings open a little and Christina pokes her head in.

"Hey, Four said you might need a little help getting used to all this again." she smiles. I can't say that I'm not happy she is here. It appears from all the little jars on the counter I have gotten more comfortable wearing makeup in the past few years, but I can't for the life of me remember how to put any of it on.

"A lot of help actually. Four wants to take me somewhere after lunch and I don't know how to use any of this stuff." I say, waving my hand over the makeup and laughing a little.

"No problem." she says, cheerily.

Thirty minutes later, my face is finished, my hair is fixed, and she has picked out clothes for me. I stare back at the girl in the mirror. I look truly Dauntless. The makeup isn't heavy, but it sets off my features and makes my eyes stand out. They don't look dull and grey. They sparkle and I can't help but stare at myself. Tobias walks in and looks at me. He just stares for a moment, and I blush looking down at the floor.

"What?" I say. Christina is beaming beside me.

"You just look...beautiful. I mean you always look beautiful, but, I don't know..." his words trail off.

Christina walks out of the room, squeezing his arm as she goes. "You two have fun." she says, winking at him. _What is that about? Where is he taking me?_

We leave the apartment shortly after Christina. We walk hand in hand to the dining hall. As we enter, I see a table of younger looking people stare at us. They must be the initiates. Tobias said I would meet them tomorrow during fear landscapes. Or, I guess, re-meet them. They all already know me. I was their instructor until all this happened. The fear landscapes sound aweful. I can't imagine facing all your fears at once, like one endless nightmare you can't wake up from. I wonder how I got through it, especially how I came in first. Tobias says I am braver than I know. I shudder a little as I think about it and Tobias wraps his arm around me.

"You ok?" he whispers in my ear.

I nod as we sit down at a table with Christina and the others. Thankfully, I remember everyone sitting with us. I have regained some of my memories, and the doctor seems to think as the swelling in my brain goes down, I will remember more. Maybe not everything, but most of it. It makes me happy to think that one day I will remember why Tobias loves me so much. He is holding back a lot of what happened after initiation. He dodges questions or changes the subject when I ask about certain things. He has only told me happy things and I know enough to know our life couldn't have been the perfect fairytale he makes it out to be. I wasn't born yesterday.

We eat lunch and the conversation focuses mainly on Zeke's party tonight. He is trying to plan out what supplies he needs to procure. Most of it is different kinds of alcohol. _Do I drink? It doesn't sound like something I would do. _But, half of the stuff Tobias has told me, doesn't sound like something I would do. I guess I will ask him later.

Tobias looks at his watch and tells me it is time to go or we are going to miss the train. We head up to the roof and I can see the train coming around the bend. He starts to bounce on the balls of his feet and I follow suit. He grabs the handle as it passes easily swinging himself into the car. He reaches out his hand for me and I grab it, as he easily swings me in after him. He catches me against him and we sink to the floor. He leans up against the wall of the train and I lean into him. I get a weird feeling of dejavu and I know we have done this before. He presses his hand to my face and pulls it firmly to his, fitting his lips to mine. He is slow at first, but soon our kisses grow passionate and I move instinctively to his lap. His hands clamp firmly around my hips, his thumbs rubbing circles over my hip bones. I feel a hunger growing inside me and press into the kiss more, deepening it. I am not scared or embarassed. I am insistent.

He moans as I press my hands to his hips. He slides his hands under my shirt and up my back. I sigh against him and he bites my bottom lip. His hand slides to my hair and he pulls my head back exposing my neck, kissing down it and sucking behin my ear. Every inch of my body tingles and I don't want to stop what is happening. I want him, all of him. _Oh God, I want him._

"Tris," he whispers into my ear. "We have to jump soon."

"Uh huh," I say breathlessly, not really paying attention to him, as i trail kisses down his neck.

He pulls back and presses his forhead to mine. "We have to stop now," he pants. "But that doesn't mean we can't finish later."

I grin at him and bite my lip. He grins back at me and pulls me up with him as we get ready to jump. When we land, I look around at my surroundings. We are near Erudite headquarters with the marsh in front of us. As we walk through the neighborhood of abandonded buildings, I see it shining in the distance. The ferris wheel. Even though the paint is peeling and I can tell no one has taken care of it in years, it is beautiful, shining like a beacon in the afternoon sun.

Tobias looks down at me and smiles as I smile looking up at it. "Is that where we are going?" I ask, my voice sounding like a child's filled with excitement.

"Yes." he says, and squeezes my hand. He starts to speed up and I run along beside him trying to keep up with his long legs.

We reach the carousel at Navy Pier and I can't go any farther. I let go of his hand and stop to catch my breath, putting my hands on my knees and panting heavily. He comes over and throws me over his shoulder running the rest of the way to the ferries wheel with me slung over his back laughing loudly the whole way. He sets me down at the base of the massive contraption. I stare up, marveling at its sheer height.

"This is where I first realized that I was in love with you." he states proudly.

"You what?" I say in shock.

"You decided during initiation to climb this thing during capture the flag. I followed you and you were determined to do it alone. I insisted that I come with you. You were so amazing that night. I followed you all the way to the top and it was there I realized that I was hopelessly in love with you. I would follow you anywhere and face anything, just to keep you safe. I had never felt that way about anyone and don't think I will every feel that way about anyone but you." he smiles, kissing me and looking back up at the wheel amazed.

"I climbed this?" I say, also amazed that I would do something so daring, so Dauntless.

"Yes ma'am. You almost fell, too. I was so scared, I climbed down as fast as I could and started the wheel. You held on by just your hands until you could jump off. One of the cars nearly crushed you, but you rolled out of the way just in the nick of time." he says, laughing a little. "I ran over to you and knew you had to be terrified too, but you were laughing. It was then I realized fear doesn't shut you down, it wakes you up. It was the most fascinatingly beautiful thing I had ever seen." He stares down at me with the most loving gaze.

I close my eyes and pain stabs at my head. I press my hands to my forehead and drop to my knees. Tobias catches me before I am completely on the ground and drops with me pulling me into his lap. He gently rocks me as images play through my mind.

_I see him looking at me. We are on the platform high above the ground in the middle of the wheel. I see the ground come near and I close my eyes. Then Tobias is staring down at me, my wrists held firmly in his hands, asking me if I'm ok. He looks terrified and then starts to laugh. I know I am laughing, but then the image changes. It is fuzzy at first, and I know this is a different time, a different memory. I see him on his knee, my hands shaking in front of me, grasping for him. I hear myself tell him not right now, but someday. He has a hurt look in his eyes and then he turns and walks away from me, brushing my hand to the side._

I open my eyes and look at him again. He looks down at me curiously, at first he is concerned about my pain, but then he sees the remorse and confusion in my eyes and he knows what I just saw in my mind.

"Tris," he starts, but I cut him off. He will try to spin this and I am tired of him telling me half truths. I don't want him to spin this I want to know if it is real.

"Don't. Just let me tell you what I saw and what I think was happening. Then you can tell me what is real. But, please don't lie to me. Don't try to make it sound better than it was. I know our life wasn't a fairytale. Eventually you will have to tell me the bad memories too. So let's just agree to start with this one ok?" I say. I am not angry or defensive, but my voice is stern enough to let him know I am serious.

He nods and takes my hand in his, lacing his fingers with mine. I take a deep breath and look him directly in the eyes. "I remeber being on the platform wth you, when we climbed the wheel. I remember feeling happy and excited that you were with me. I remember you pulling my hands from my face and I was laughing. I thought you were going to kiss me but you didn't, why didn't you?"

He smiles and looks a little embarrassed. "I was too afraid. Initiation hadn't been goign on that long and you were one of my initiates. I didn't even know if you felt that way about me. I chickened out I guess."

"You were afraid I didn't like you? Have you seen yourself?" I say.

"Have you seen yourself, Tris?" he says back, gently brushing his lips to mine. I feel electric sparks shoot through me and momentarily forget where I was going with this. I see his hurt eyes flash in my mind and I pull away, determined to continue.

"We came back here another time. It was recently, I think. We look the same as we do now, in my mind. I'm not sure, but I think you asked me to marry you, and ... and...I said no, didn't I?" I started off determined, but my words were soft by the end, like I didn't want to admit they were real.

He nods his head yes at me and I can see the hurt transform him. His eyes are glassy and his breathing has become tight and staggered. Why would I do that, when he clearly loves me so much? Why would I hurt him like that?

"But, why? Why did I say no?" I ask, trying to figure it out. He doesn't offer an explanation and I continue to try to reason it all out loud, "I mean clearly you love me, unconditionally, and I love you the same way. I know that I do and I can't even remember ninety percent of our relationship. We seem to have a wonderful life together. A home, jobs, and friends that love us. It doesn't make sense. I can't think of any reason I would say no."

Tobias looks at me and now the hurt in his eyes has been replaced with anxiety and fear. He knows he has to tell me the rest of it, but he doesn't want to. Quiet honestly, I don't know if I am ready to hear it. He starts to speak and press my hand to his lips. I want to know, just not here. I don't want this place to hold anymore negative memories. I wan't it to be a good place, a happy place.

"I want to know, but not now, not here. I want this to be a happy place for us. A special place, just like you wanted it to be today." I say, smiling at him and pressing my lips to his. He doesn't argue. He presses his lips bak to mine and we stay there for awhile, wrapped in each other's arms.

The sun begins to set and Tobias says it is time to catch the train back home. He stands up and takes my hand in his. I take one last look up at the wheel. I see the girl on the platform and the boy who would follow her anywhere. I know deep down that those people are the same people that stand here today. Right now, I am grateful I can't remember what they went through, the pain they clearly caused each other. Right now, I am glad I get to start over with Tobias. I eventually want to know all of our history, but I know him keeping those memories from me is his way of trying to start over too. _Were we even together when I got attacked? Had me broken each other to the point we couldn't be remade? _Even the thought of those things brings pain to my chest. I don't want to imagine them, much less live through them. I don't want to know what life would be like without him.

We start to walk away and I stop pulling him back towards me. He looks at me concerned. "Are you ok Tris, does your head hurt again?"

I shake my head and he steps closer to me. He puts his hand under my chin, forcing me to look up at him. His eyes meet mine and I know what I am about to do is right. In this moment, I am truly Dauntless. My eyes sparkle back at him. I open my mouth to speak, but no words come out.

"Tris, you're scaring me." he says nervously.

All of the sudden I find my voice. The words come rushing out of me, and I couldn't have taken them back even if I had wanted to. "Ask me again."

He stops, and this time, it is he who is at a loss for words.

"Ask me again and I promise I'll say yes. Just ask me again." I say, my voice getting higher and more anxious. He just stares at me, not moving, not talking, just staring. _What did I do? What did I just do?_


	16. Chapter 16

**AN: Thank you for the reviews and suggestions. I am so glad you are enjoying the story. Happy Reading!**

Chapter 16

_Tobias_

"Ask me again and I promise I'll say yes. Just ask me again." Tris says. Her voice sounds almost desperate.

I stare at her unable to speak. She stares back at me, a worried look on her face. _Say something. Don't just stand here, say something._

"Tris, I ...I" I stammer. My hands are shaking and my voice is weak. I love her, I know that I love her. _Can it really be this simple? Can we really just start over like all of the past two years never happened?_

"Now, you're the one scaring me." she says, laughing nervously.

I close my eyes and that night plays through my mind. All the hurt and fear come rushing back, and I take a sharp breath. I feel her arms wrap around me and I instinctively pull her close to me, burying my head in her neck. I love her. I choose her. I would make that choice over and over again, no matter the circumstances. I have loved her from the moment she fell onto that net, and I will love her every moment for the rest of my life. She is my life, without her I am nothing. I know this. I have had it tested too many times, not to know it is true. When she was near death at Erudite, when I almost shot her, when I walked away from her, all them reinforced my need for her. This is my chance to make all of it right. My chance to fix all the times we have been broken. _Of course, I will marry you. _

I lift my head and our eyes meet. I feel the fear and hurt drain away, all I see is her eyes. I take another deep breath and drop to my knee. If I'm going to do this, I'm going to do it the right way. She beams down at me.

"Beatrice Prior, this is the place where I first realized that I was in love in you. I was so scared to follow you up this thing. I knew the moment I did, that I would follow you anywhere. Since that day, I have followed you to the ends of the Earth and back. I choose you, no matter what life brings our way. Will you marry me?"

"Yes. Tobias, yes." she says. Her eyes flash with that amazing spark.

I am breathless. I stand up and pull her to me. Our lips meet and I feel a rush of electricity shoot through my body. _She said yes, this time._ It is all I could ever ask for.

When we break apart she laughs a small laugh. I laugh, too. This is how it is supposed to be, uncomplicated, happy and free. I take her hand and we walk back to the train. We don't talk about anything really on the way back. It seems careless and easy, almost like it is someone else's life. She doesn't ask about a ring, but I know that I am going to by her one as soon as training is finished tomorrow. I will send her off with Christina, or tell her I have to do some work for Max. I want it to be a surprise.

When we reach the compound it is dinner time. We walk towards the dining hall and I stop outside the door. "Do you want to tell them now, or should we wait?"

"Let's do it tonight at the party. I think I would rather do it there than in the middle of the dining hall," she says. I agree and we walk in the room, hand in hand.

"You two look extra happy tonight." Christina says, giving us a curious look.

"Four took me to the ferris wheel at Navy Pier." Tris says.

"Oh, well that explains it. Did you climb it again?" Christina asks.

Tris just shakes her head and grins at me. I know Christina's Candor training will kick in and she will know we are hiding something, but I don't care. Let her question us, she will find out soon enough.

We eat dinner and head back upstairs to get ready for the party. Tris says she doesn't need to shower again, saying something about not being able to use her makeup without Christina's help. She doesn't need makeup, but I just nod and head for the bathroom. I let the water run over me for a few minutes, soaking in the events of today. Tris looked so happy when I was finally able to speak. I smile thinking about her face, knowing this is what it would have been like for us the first time, had the uprising not gotten in the way.

I walk out of the bathroom and Tris is sound asleep on the bed. Her hair falls over her face and I can see a strand of it rise and fall with her breaths, her mouth is slightly open. I stare at her for a moment, she is beautiful and she is mine. _Tris Eaton._ I like the sound of that.

I get dressed and go over to wake her. I brush the hair out of her face and lightly kiss her forehead. She stirs and sighs, her eyes shifting open, not fully awake.

"Hi." she says. "Is it time to go?"

"Almost. You have a few minutes if you want to change your clothes or anything." I say. "Or we could just lay here, a few more minutes."

She nods and moves over to give me room on the bed next her. I lie down beside her and she snuggles herself against me, her back to my chest. I wrap my arms over hers, sliding my fingers around her ring finger, thinking of how happy I am.

"Tobias, there is something I need to ask you before we go." she says.

I immediately tense up. She has been dreaming her memories more and more. _What is it she remembers? What images have haunted her dreams?_

"Ok." I say, precariously.

"Do I...ya' know...drink? Alcohol I mean? Did I before?" she asks curiously.

I laugh, relieved that it wasn't something else. There are a lot of things I haven't told her yet, like about the uprising and her family. I want to, I just don't know how. How do you tell someone there whole family is dead or a traitor? How do you tell the woman you love you nearly killed her?

"You did some, but not a whole lot. Maybe a drink or too here or there, but that was about it. The closest I have ever seen you to drunk was when we were at Amity and they gave you too much peace serum." I say.

"What? Why were we ever at Amity, and why would they need to give me peace serum?" she asks, sitting up and looking at me.

_Shit. _ I didn't even think about it before I said it. I don't want to go into this now, not when we are having such a great day. I think fast trying to cover and say the first thing that comes to my mind. "Its a long story, I promise to tell you the whole thing after the party, but we need to go now or we will be late. Deal?"

She narrows her eyes and draws her eyebrows down, frowning at me. "You promise to tell me everything, not just the Tobias version?"

"The 'Tobias' version? What is that supposed to mean?" I say, already knowing the answer.

"You know the "our life was a fairytale where nothing bad ever happened' version. You know that I know you are only telling me the good parts. Right?"

"Yes. I promise to tell you the whole truth, ok? If you think I am lying, you can ask me when I am under truth serum next week for the inquiry ok?"

"Ok. Deal then, I guess." she says, still giving me a wary look. I smile at her trying to reassure her. I do intend to keep my promise. I don't know how I am going to tell her, but I guess I will figure it out. I owe her that much.

I clear my throat, and stand up, pulling her out of bed with me. She walks into the bathroom and shuts the door. In a few minutes, she emerges, her hair brushed and fresh lipstick on her lips. We head out of our apartment towards Zeke's.

"So, how do you want to tell them? Have you thought about it at all?" I ask her.

"Not really. I figured you should tell them, you know, since you are the one that asked me... technically." she smiles.

"Technically? What is that supposed to mean?" I say, giving her my best offended look.

She doesn't buy it and swats at my arm. "Oh, stop it. You know what I mean. I told you to ask again, so you did. So technically, you asked me, but really I asked you."

"What makes you think I wasn't going to ask you anyway? I mean I did take you to the most romantic place ever." I say puffing up proudly.

"A giant metal death trap, definitely the Dauntless version of most romantic place ever," she laughs. But, I can tell by the look in her eyes that she really does think it was romantic.

"Well, that's what we are, right? Dauntless." I say, giving her a sly grin.

She scrunches her nose up and presses her lips together, as if considering what I just said. She looks at her hands as she speaks, "I'm starting to believe that I was once, but now I am not so sure." She looks up at me, giving me a flirtatious smile. "Good thing I have the most intimidating instructor in Dauntless history teaching me how to be again."

"I don't know about that," I stop right outside the door and look down at her, my face completely serious. "The last time I checked, you were the most intimidating instructor in Dauntless history."

Her eyes get wide and she smiles, lighting up her whole face. My whole body tingles. _God, her smile is beautiful._ I lean down and kiss her, taking her face and pressing it between my hands. We break apart and she wipes her lips a little, making sure her lipstick is still in place.

"How do I look?" she says, as I place my hand on the door knob.

"Tough as nails, Tris. You look tough as nails." I reply, taking her hand. And she does. _No matter how hard they try to break her, she will always be tough as nails._


	17. Chapter 17

**AN: Thank you off the wonderful reviews! Also, thank you for all the faves and follows. I hope you are enjoying it. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Divergent or any of its associated characters.**

_Tris_

I squeeze Tobias's hand tightly as we walk into Zeke's apartment. The music is loud and there are people dancing in the living room. There are several more in the kitchen area. I look around trying to find someone I recognize. I see Zeke at the table playing some type of card game. I keep a firm grasp on Tobias's hand, as he pulls me through the crowd.

"Hey guys!" Zeke slurs, a little. "I'm so glad you made it. Tris, what do you think of your 'first' Dauntless party? I mean it is kind of like your first right? Or, did you remember one?"

I see Tobias stiffen a little when he mentions my amnesia. He is so overly protective of me. Normally this would make me feel weak, but somehow when he does it I feel loved. He steps in front of me and the smile fades from his face. I squeeze my hand and then smile at Zeke.

"No, I can't say that one of your parties has made it back from the abyss yet, but I am sure I will never forget this one, that is unless I get kicked in the head again." I laugh and Tobias relaxes a little. "So what do you recommend we do first?"

"Well, I think you, my lady, should try your first drink. If you are going to get a fresh start on life might as well do it right." Zeke grins at me. "I will be happy to make you one, if you would like."

"That's ok, Zeke. I'll get her one." Tobias cuts in, putting a hand on Zeke's shoulder to stop him from getting up.

"Great, when y'all are set up come back over." Zeke says, going back to his game. The game seems to involve him taking shots of some type of clear liquor, frequently.

Tobias drags me through the crowd once again towards the kitchen. When we finally make it the ten feet to the counter where the colors and liquor bottles are sitting, I am starting to think twice about this. I hate the feeling of being out of control enough, I wonder if it is my fear landscape.

"You don't have to drink anything if you don't want to. " Tobias says, noticing my apprehension.

"I know that. But, who says I don't want to?" I say, trying to sound casual.

He just cocks head to the side and looks at me with one eyebrow raised. I grin at him and he turns back around. He fiddles with the bottles and then turns back around with two in his hand. I smell the liquid first it is sweet and sharp. I hesitantly put it my lips. It taste sweet like apples, but has a sharp, slightly bitter after taste. I wrinkle my nose a little when I swallow and Tobias laughs a little at the face I make.

"You don't like it?" He asks still grinning.

I take another drink and consider wether I like it or not. "I could get used to it, but it certainly is not as good as the cake."

"If they made alcohol that tasted like Dauntless cake we wouldn't have a faction anymore." Uriah says walking up to grab himself a beer. "Everyone would be too drunk to function."

Tobias and I both laugh at that. Uriah launches into some story about a Dauntless born initiate. I half way listen as I scan the room looking for Christina. I see her walking off the dance floor dragging Will behind her. I hold my hand up and wave at them. I figure if we can get everyone on a group now we can make the announcement. I start to go grab Zeke and Shauna. Tobias catches my wrist and shakes his head at me.

He leans down close to my ear, "Not tonight. Let's just wait." I look at him confused. _Does he want to take it back?_ "Tris, trust me ok? I love you, it's not what you are thinking so stop thinking it."

He kisses my cheek and straightens up, wrapping his arm around my waist pulling me up to his side. I feel small next to him, but not in the weak way I usually do, in a safe way. I feel a rush of warmth spread through me. It happens all at once, pieces of memories falling together just enough that mind finally agrees with what my heart has been telling it from the time I woke up. I now know in my mind, body, and sole that I love him. The feeling is overwhelming. It makes me feel so brave and so weak at the same time. I squeeze my arm tighter around his lower back. He gives me a look as if to ask if I'm ok.

"Headache, music is loud." I half yell at him. The headache is an excuse to leave but the part about the music is true. I know that if stay here much longer Christina will ask questions about our date today. Questions that I can't answer because he wants to wait.

"Let's go home then." Tobias says.

We say our goodbyes and soon are in the quiet of the hallway again. We walk along in silence until we get to our apartment. Tobias opens the door and immediately I feel his arms wrap around me closing the space between us. I feel his chest against my back and he starts to kiss down my neck. I sigh wrapping my arms over his. I close my eyes and think about us. The thought of marrying him makes me giddy. I imagine what our wedding will be like. I see my family smiling from the front row. I turn around so that I am facing Tobias.

"My parents, we have to tell them, soon. I wonder what my dad will say?" I say looking like I just got doing something wrong, grinning a little.

Tobias swallows hard and looks at me for a moment, his relaxed, happy face is gone. His mouth quivers at the edges. _Does the thought of meeting my dad scare him? Surely not. So what is it?_

"Let's go sit down, Tris." He leads me over to the couch and I sit down, curling myself against him. "It's going to be hard for you to hear, but I can't keep it from you anymore."

I take deep breath and Tobias wraps his arms around me holding me tight, almost like he is trying to protect me from his words. I brace myself for what he is about to tell me.

He clears his throat and I can see tears starting to shine in his eyes. "Tris, your parents...they...during the uprising...their dead." I look at him my eyes growing wide. _No. It's not true, it can't be true. _

"I'm so sorry. They loved you. They both died trying to save you." He says, pulling me tightly to his chest. I press my face into it, as a silent sob passes my lips. I feel like all the air has suddenly been sucked from the room. He strokes my hair and whispers to me, like I am a small child, trying the best way he knows how to comfort me.

I try to wrap my mind around what he told me. "And Caleb? Did he die too?" My voice comes out shaky, muffled against his chest.

He takes a deep breath and I know he is trying to figure out what to say. I look up at him and I can see the trails his tears have made down his cheeks. I know this is as hard for him as it is for me. He looks away from me, fixing his eyes on the windows as he speaks, "No. He isn't dead but he betrayed you. You said he was as good as dead to you after that."

"Betrayed me, how?" I say. I am still looking up at Tobias, I can see his face change from sadness to anger as he thinks about what Caleb did to me. _Would Caleb really do something that horrible to me?_

"He...he sold you out to Jeanine. He traded your life for his. You almost died and I had to watch you almost die..." His voice is bitter and strained, "He used everything he knew about you to trick you into going to Erudite during the uprising and then developed the formula that almost killed you."

I look at him in disbelief. _Its a lie, it has to be a lie._ I know he would never lie to me. I look down at the floor and shift against him. _My family is dead. My whole family._ "My whole family is dead. I'm all alone. That's what your saying. There's no one to tell about our engagement, because I don't have a family to tell."

"Tris, you don't remember, but you said something similar to that on the day your parents died. I told you then and I'll keep telling you over and over, I am your family now. I didn't have a family either, until I met you. We are a family. We are all we ever need. You will never be all alone. I would never let that happen." He smiles down at me and places a gentle kiss on my forehead.

I close my eyes and nod against him. I feel the tears start to silently fall down my cheeks as the gravity of his words sinks in. He picks me up and carries me to our bed, placing me gently down on my pillow, before climbing in and wrapping me up in his arms. He whispers that he loves me in my ear, as he strokes my hair. I cry myself to sleep in his arms, praying I will wake up and everything will have been a bad dream.


	18. Chapter 18

**AN: Thank you for all the love! It makes me so happy every time I get an email from the sight about a favorite, follower, and reviews. Thank you to my continued supporters and reviewers. Please keep reading. I hope you like this chapter. Happy Reading!**

Chapter 18

_Tobias_

I open my eyes and see Tris's blonde head. Her face is pressed into my chest and her hands clutch at my shirt. She is curled up into a tiny ball beside me, her knees pressing into my stomach. I stroke her back and kiss the top of her head. I wish this all could be easier for her. She cried herself to sleep last night. I hope my surprise later will help take her mind off things. I hate to see her upset.

The fear landscapes are not until this afternoon. So, we have sometime to just lay here. I continue to stroke her back and hold her. I imagine being able to do this, forever. I am so happy she said yes this time. I don't want to wait very long to get married. I hope she doesn't either. After everything we've been through I just want to say she is my wife. _Mine. I am hers and she is mine._

She begins to stir and I see her beautiful blue-grey eyes shining back at me. Her eyes are still heavy with sleep when I press my lips to hers. I feel her lips smile against mine and she runs her fingers through the back of my hair. I pull her closer to me, forcing her body to uncurl from the ball to press in line with mine. She continues to run her fingers through my hair, pulling me closer to her. We continue until we both need air.

"Good morning to you too." I say in a husky voice.

"Mmhmm." she mumbles pressing her lips back to mine.

She wraps her arms around me, running her fingers up and down my back. I run my hands over her curves dropping them down to the hem of her shirt. My fingers play with the hem and then I feel her hands tug on mine, attempting to remove it from me. I sit up and oblige her request and she does the same thing to her own, before pushing me back against the bed, straddling me.

"Tris, we don't have to do this, you know, if you're not ready-" I start, but she cuts me off by crashing her lips back to mine, this time there is a hunger to the way she kisses me, and I begin to feel my self-control fading away. It has been over a month since we were together like this.

"I love you. I want this. I want you." She whispers into my ear. It is the final straw and my self-control is lost to her.

I roll over and press my body to hers. My hands slide over her, pressing and kneading. I take one hand and turn her head up, kissing down her jaw, then her neck, to the ravens tattooed on her. I kiss each one before continuing my journey south. I reach her chest and continue to explore further. She moans softly at my touch and I feel my excitement grow stronger. I reach her stomach and blow softly on it. She giggles. My hands run up and down the sides of her thighs. I hitch my thumbs under the waistband of her pants and remove them, taking her underwear too. I slide my hand up her thighs further and watch her eyes grow wide as another moan escapes her lips. I move back up so that I am perfectly positioned on top of her. I begin to kiss her again, hungrily, biting and sucking on her bottom lip. She moves her head and starts to kiss down my neck, sucking on the skin behind my ear. This time I moan. Her hands grope the tops of my pants and I help her remove them. We are both bare and I can see her eyes roam over me, taking me in. She blushes and I can see embarrassment spread over her.

I stare down at her for a moment. _She is so beautiful, so strong._ She stares back up at me, and I see that spark dancing in her eyes, this time I know, I am the reason it is there. I press myself back down to her and kiss her gently on the lips. "Your perfect, absolutely beautiful." I say, against her ear.

"I love you, Tobias." she sighs against my lips, as my hands slide over her once more.

With that I let my body take over, giving into all the urges and pent up feelings of the past month, no, of the past two years. Every emotion I have comes out into my movements and I get lost in the feeling of her and I being one. When we finally emerge from the haze of lust and emotion that surrounded us, we lay side by side on the bed, her head resting on my chest, my arm draped over her bare body, tracing lines up and down her arm. She sighs against me, and I close my eyes. _This is what happy feels like._ We both fall back asleep for a little while.

When we wake up it is nearly eleven. I decide to wake Tris up so that I still have time to get her ring before we go to fear landscapes. I shake her gently and kiss her on the head.

"Time to get up. I have an errand I have to run before lunch and then we have training." I say, not really wanting to remove her from me.

"Ok. I'll get up." she says, still half asleep.

She stumbles into the bathroom and I hear her start the shower. I wait a few minutes, before I go in. I slowly pull the curtain back and she turns around with a surprised look on her face. I just grin at her and step into the shower. After a repeat of this mornings activities and a quick scrub, as the water was getting cold, we get out and dry off. We both dress quickly and rush down to the pit. I tell her to go into the dining hall and I will meet her there. I make up an excuse about needing to take something to Max. Christina looks at me and I wink at her, trying to get her to play along. She nods, a little leery, but still willing to help.

I walk out of the dining hall and as soon as I am out of sight I run to the jewelry store in the pit. I look at the counters and they are all full of sparkling gems and metals. _How the hell am I supposed to know what to get?_ Just as I am about to leave and give up surprising Tris, a sales lady walks up to me.

"Can I help you, Four?" she says.

I look up in surprise that she would know my name. As soon as I see her bright red hair, I know who she is. Annabel, a girl from my initiation class. She never had a thing for me, but was always nice. She said I reminded her of her brother, Hanson. He transferred from Amity the year after her.

I smile at her and fill her in on what is going on. She smiles and leads me over to the engagement rings. I tell her who Tris is and she laughs at me, saying something about how Tris didn't need an introduction or a description, that every Dauntless knew her. _The first jumper, the savior of our faction, the girl who stopped a war. Of course, she knew who she is._ My heart swells with pride that I would soon be able to say she is my wife.

I look at them all and then I see it. _It is perfect._ It is petite and will look good on her small hand. The diamonds are inset so that they lay flush against the band. There are four of them, set in a perfect line against the titanium band. I look at Annabel, and she knows it is the one. Soon, I am walking back towards the dining hall with the small velvet box in my pocket.

My heart is racing as I walk in the room. _Why am I so nervous? She already said yes._ I walk up behind Tris and put my hand on her shoulder. She places hers on top of mine and looks up at me smiling. Christina looks at me curiously and I know I can't wait any longer.

When I don't sit down Tris looks up at me and asks, "What?"

I reach in my pocket and take out the box. I set it down in front of her and she looks down at it. She looks back up at me. "Open it." I say.

Her hand is shaking and I can tell that she is as nervous and excited as I am. Our whole table has fallen quiet and everyone's eyes are trained on the box. Tris flips the lid open and Christina gasps. I take the ring out of the box and sit down beside her. She holds out her shaking hand and I slide it on. Then I feel the same hand slide against my cheek, the cool metal pressed against my skin as her lips brush mine. I run my hand up across her cheek and hook my fingers behind her ear, holding her to me another second.

I feel the table start to shake as Will, Uriah and Zeke pound on it. Christina, Shauna, Marlene, and Lynn begin to clap and yell. Tris turns the color of a tomato and I press my forehead to hers, a wide smile spread across both of our faces.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Zeke climb on top of the table. Then he shouts, "In case you just missed the excitement, my best friend, Four, just did the most Dauntless thing any man can do. He asked his girlfriend, Six, to marry him! And of course, since he is a stud, she said yes."

The whole dinning hall erupts into shouts of congratulations and applause. I feel Tris try to bury her head in my neck. I feel the flush from her cheeks, warm against my skin. I laugh as Uriah and Will pat me on the back. I can see the shocked looks on the initiates faces, some of them I am sure assumed the worst when Tris never returned to training. I don't blame them, I assumed the worst for a while, too.

I lean down and whisper to her, "I love you. Do you like it?"

She looks down at her hand and holds the ring out so that she can see it properly. She studies it for a moment, watching the gems glint in the light. "Its beautiful, just perfect. I love it and you. I love you."

I see the initiates starting to get up and know that it is time to meet them and take them to the fear landscapes. They were supposed to go through Tris's fears, but Christina volunteered in her place. The doctor said it would be fine for her to be under simulations. I didn't ask about the truth serum yet, I have tried to push the investigation out of my mind. Max agreed to wait until after initiation was over and I don't have any plans on reminding him.

"Ready to go, Mrs. Eaton?" I say.

Tris's eyes flash at me and a wide smile spreads across her face. That spark begins to dance and I know she likes the idea of being Mrs. Eaton.

"Mrs. Eaton. I like the sound of that." she says, a lightness to her voice. "I will always be ready with you by my side, Mr. Eaton."

I take her hand and lead her over to the initiates. I lace our fingers together and then begin to explain to them what will happen today.

"Today you will go through the fear landscapes for the first time. You will not go through your own today. Instead you will go through one of the instructors fear landscapes. You will each be assigned a fear and then you will enter the room and try to overcome that fear. The fear landscapes work differently from the simulations. In the fear landscapes, you are aware, in that you know it is a simulation and not real. This gives a slight advantage over a normal simulation, but not much. Everything you see will look and feel real. You will have to find a way to work through your fear, or calm down enough that the program reads a regular, steady heartbeat forcing the program to move on. I will explain more when we are in the fear landscape room. Are there any questions?"

"Whose fears are we going through?" Eden, one of the dauntless born, asks.

"Christina's" I say.

"Why aren't we gong through yours or Six's?" Matt, one of the transfers, asks.

"Because he only has four and she only has six. Why do you think their nick names are four and six, idiot?" Lynn's sister, Serenity, tells him.

"You only have four fears?" Matt says in awe. "How many do you think we have?"

"Most people have ten to fifteen fears." Tris says, before clamping her hand over her mouth. A surprised look evident in her eyes. _How the hell did she know that?_

Before I can ask her, how she knows that, Abby speaks up, "So you got your memories back? That's great. Oooh, is that your engagement ring? It's so pretty."

Tris's removes her hand from her mouth and looks at it, before running her hand through her hair. Then she looks up at me and I smile back at her, furrowing my eyebrows to let her know I am just as confused as the initiates are by her answer.

"I have some of my memories back, but not all of them. Four has filled me in on a lot of my missing pieces, but some of them may always be lost. Most of the ones I have recovered involve Four." she says, squeezing my hand.

I clear my throat. _This is all getting a little too personal_. I know the initiates have been concerned about Tris, but they are still initiates and we are starting to cross a line with them. "Enough talk." I bark, in my best instructor voice. "If there are no more questions about your fear landscapes, then it is time to head up. Everyone follow us."

With that I turn and leave the dinning hall, pulling Tris with me. When we are far enough a head of the initiates that they can't hear us, I ask her how she knew about the fears.

"I don't know, Tobias," she says, shaking her head a little. "I just knew. The words came out of my mouth, before I really even realized I had said them. It was kind of scary, really. Like someone else was talking through me."

"Do think we need to ask the doctor about it." I say, trying to downplay the excitement in my voice. "Maybe you are getting your memories back. Maybe its a sign that the swelling in your brain is almost gone."

"Maybe, but I don't know if I want them all back. We are so happy right now, and I know we went through some very rough times before. I'm not sure I am ready to remember them just yet." Tris bites her bottom lip, and I know she is scared of what her knowing the answer to that question means. I rub small circles on the back of her hand trying to comfort her. Afraid is no way to go through the fear landscapes, even if it is someone else's fears you are watching.

"Tris, you are going to be fine. No matter what you remember or don't remember we are happy now and that is all that matters. Nothing in our past can take me away from you. I put that ring on your finger to remind you I am yours. I will always be by your side."

We reach the top of the ladder that leads into the fear landscape room and I help her up onto the platform. I feel her fingers slide between mine and the cool metal surface of her ring hitches against the back of my fingers. _She will be fine, but even if she is not, I will be by her side, always._


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

_Tris_

We stand in front of the initiates. They all look nervous. Tobias explains to them what will happen and then he leads me to the observation room. I sit in one of the chairs in the back. I see that Christina is hooked up to one of the computers through a series of electrodes connected to her temple. Tobias connects the electrodes to himself and then asks me if I want to be able to watch. I agree, hesitantly. He connects the electrodes to my temple and then tells Christina we are ready to start. She calls the first initiate in and they walk to the middle of the room. The rest of the initiates wait outside. Christina pushes a button on the computer and closes her eyes.

"Close your eyes when you want to watch. If you don't, just open them again. Its kind of like being in a dream." Tobias says.

He grips my hand, lacing his fingers with mine. I feel his thumb start to trace small circles on the top of my hand. I close my eyes and suddenly I am in complete darkness.

I see Jett standing in the middle of a room. The walls are all white marble and the floor is checkered black and white. There is a chair in the middle of the room and he walks over to sit in it. A voice begins speaking to him.

"What is your name?" the voice says.

"Jett Allen." he says, his words a little sluggish.

"What faction are you from?" the voice asks.

"Dauntless." Jett answers.

"Do you believe that you made you the right choice choosing Dauntless?" the voice continues.

Jett squirms in his seat a little. He looks like he is in a battle with himself. He knows the answer, but doesn't want to say it.

"Y-Yes. I think that I made the right choice. I chose Dauntless.'" Jett answers, but he seems unsure.

I open my eyes and can see him in the fear landscape. Beads of sweat are visible along his brow and he is licking his lips frequently. He is scared. He is hiding something. I look over at Christina and she is biting her bottom lip. She is also nervous. Why is she nervous? Then it hits me. Truth serum. Christina was Candor. She told us that Candor initiation involved spilling your darkest secrets under truth serum. It is in her fear landscape. _No wonder she left_. I can't imagine being afraid of the truth and staying in Candor. I continue to watch Jett's mouth answer questions I can't hear. I don't want to know his secrets. I certainly wouldn't want a complete stranger knowing mine. I don't even know mine. After five minutes of questioning, I see Jett's eyes return to normal and he begins to look around the fear landscape room, breathing heavily. Christina pauses the program and disconnects her electrodes. She looks as shaken as he is. She walks out and tells him he did well, then calls the next initiate.

A small girl, almost the same size as me, walks into the center of the room. I recognize her as the girl that spoke to me earlier. She seemed so happy that I was better. I hope that she doesn't have too bad of a fear to face. I see Christina start the program and I close my eyes. I see her standing in the Hub. She is back at school. Suddenly I see her look down. She is completely naked. She reaches down and tries to cover herself. The other students stop where they are and all begin to point and laugh at her. She is frozen, I can see the panic in her eyes. She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, then opens them. She runs for the nearest room, and it is locked. She continues to try every door as the laughing mob bears down on her. Finally she reaches a door and flings herself through it. Suddenly the scene goes blank and I know she has defeated the fear. I open my eyes and see her looking around at the room. She beams triumphantly and Christina goes out to call the next initiate.

"Not too bad, so far." Tobias says in my ear.

"No, not too bad." I say, but I only half way mean it. I don't like watching other people suffer. I want to help them through it, protect them in some way.

Tobias can sense the apprehension in my voice. He wraps his arm around me and pulls me closer to him. Christina comes back in and says something about it getting a little rocky from here. I nod and give her a weak smile. We continue to watch initiate after initiate. Christina looking more shaken after each one. By the fifth initiate, I can no longer watch the whole fear. I have already watched them be threatened at gun point, search through the dark, and watched Christian's sister die. I am not sure how much more of this I can watch.

"Tris, you don't have to watch if you don't want to. You can take the electrodes off." Christina says, noticing my agitation.

"No. I need to do this. It is my job right? I mean I had to go through this. I should at least experience it in someway. Maybe it will help me remember." I say. _I am not weak or fragile. I will do this. I am Dauntless. _

"If your sure. Then, ok." Christina says, but she still seems hesitant. She looks at Tobias and he gives her a stern look, letting her know to respect my decision.

The fears and initiates start to blur into one. Then the next to last one steps in the room. She is a pretty girl with dark hair and bright green eyes. She stands in the middle of the room fist clenched, steeling herself against what is to come. I close my eyes and then I see it. A single delicate moth. _A moth? Really?_ Then a spotlight shines down on her and I see them, hundreds of them, fluttering towards her covering her body. She swats at them at first and they just keep coming. She screams in frustration, and then she realizes it is pointless to fight them. She drops down, curling herself into a ball. She presses her hands to her face to shield herself from them. I see her breathing in and out as steadily as possible. Soon she is no longer visible under the swarm. A tiny ball of fluttering wings. Then the scene fades and I know she has beaten it.

I look over and Christina places a shaky hand to her temple, removing the electrodes. She is absolutely ashen. She takes several deep breaths before exiting the room.

"Moths? One of her biggest fears is moths?" Tobias asks. He has an amused look on his face and I can tell he is trying not laugh.

Suddenly, I get a flash through my mind. I cover my mouth to hide the laugh. He looks at me with an eyebrow raised.

"What?" he asks, curiously.

"Well I just got one of those visions, and I think Christina told me once that she thought your biggest fears were really bright sunrises and marshmallows, like you were overcompensating." I grin. The amusement on his face fades and looks annoyed.

"Well I guess we will have to ask her, you know, so we will know if it is a real memory or not. Wouldn't want you to go around spreading rumors now would we?" he says, a defensive tone to his voice.

"I guess we will." I say.

Christina comes back in and Tobias glares at her. She gives him a confused look and rolls her eyes going back to the computer. I shake my head at him, biting my lip a little. _Hear we go. Last one._

I am standing in the Abnegation sector and I see Jonathan with a gun in his hand. There are crying and huddle Abnegation everywhere, Dauntless are dragging them out of their homes. I want to open my eyes, but I can't. I can't wake up from this. I see Jonathan bring his gun up to the head of an Abnegation man. The man begs for his life, but Jonathan pulls the trigger and then the man slumps to the floor. I hear someone scream. Then a sharp pain threatens to rip my head open. I clutch my hands to my head, pressing firmly to make sure it doesn't split in two, just as the world goes dark around me.

Images swim around me. Voices yell and then I see his face. _He comes back at me pushing me to the ground, knocking the gun from my hand. He will kill me. Not him, but the simulation. I would rather die than kill him. I see his blue eyes, filled with hate and fury. He thinks I am the enemy. I have to convince him I am not the enemy. My voice pleads with him: Tobias, its me. Please wake up. Its not real. Its a simulation. He pins me to the ground and presses the gun to my forehead. I plead with him again: Tobias please see me. I love you! Please see me. His eyes are frantic, They search mine and then look back at the gun. He knows he needs to shoot me, but he can't. He does hear me. I know what I need to do. Press the fear father to force the simulation to move on. I love you, Tobias. Its ok. I love you. I wrap my hand around his, pressing his finger to the trigger. I press the other hand to his heart. I know you know me. I am hear in your heart, forever. I close my eyes and know what will come next. Then I feel his hand gently slide across my cheek._

When I open my eyes again, I am laying on the floor in the observation room. Tobias's jacket is under my head and he is pressing a cold cloth to my forehead. Christina stands over him, she is trying to appear calm, but her eyes betray the clear terror she feels right now. Tobias's eyebrows are furrowed and his eyes search mine, his concern evident.

I try to sit up, but Tobias puts his hand on my shoulder stopping me. He tells Christina to dismiss the initiates and then to go get the doctor. I just stare back up at him. _It can't be true. Is this what broke us? It can't be true. It was a bad dream. It was all a bad dream._

I close my eyes again and press my hands to my face trying to stop the tears that begin to fall from my eyes. Tobias doesn't try to remove them. He just gently strokes the top of my head, making soothing sounds as I cry.

Soon I hear footsteps and Christina enters the room with Dr. Harris. He takes out a stethoscope from a small bag and checks my breathing and pulse. He shines a flashlight in my eyes and examines my ears and nose. He sits me up and asks me a series of questions, then asks me to squeeze his hand and touch my finger to my nose, and various other tasks. He stands up and tells me when I feel steady enough I can stand. I will need to go back home and rest for the rest of the day, but that I should be fine in the morning.

_Fine? How can I be fine? I am pretty sure I just had a flashback in which my fiancé tried to kill me._ He takes Tobias outside to speak with him. After they are done, Tobias comes back in the room and helps me to my feet. I am a little unsteady at first and

Tobias wraps his strong arm around my waist. We slowly make our way back to the apartment. We don't talk aside from the occasional are you ok and watch your step.

As soon I enter the apartment, I go and sit on the couch. I pull one of the small pillows into my lap and hug it against myself like a shield, curling myself into a ball in the corner. He comes over and sits on the other side of the couch. Neither one of us speak. He stares at me with that same scared look from earlier. Finally he speaks.

"What did you see?" he says, his voice is tight.

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"I know you saw something Tris. You were talking, mumbling under your breath. You didn't just pass out. It was like you were having some type of seizure." His face is ashen. He is terrified. _But, is it because he is worried about me or about what he thinks I saw?_

"I saw you...you and me. We were struggling over a gun and then you...you tried to...you tried to..." My bottom lip starts to tremble and I can't finish my sentence. I feel myself start to rock back and forth clutching the pillow tightly against myself.

I see tears start to slowly slide down his cheeks. _It is true. He is crying. He never cries. It has to be true. He did try to kill me. But why?_ I am suddenly angry. I am angry at him for keeping things from me. Angry at the world I can't remember. Angry at the whole situation.

"Oh God, Tris. I am so sorry. I wanted to tell you, I just didn't know how. I am so sorry, please try to understand...I love you. I would never hurt you. I love you." His words come out in a rush and he presses his hands to his head to stop them from shaking.

"Help me understand. I want to understand. If you really love me like you say, help me understand." I say.

He looks up at me and my eyes meet his. His lip quivers and his eyes plead with me not to make him relive this, but he nods back at me.

"Where do you want me to begin?" he says.

"Start at the beginning, from the first time you met me and tell me everything, I mean everything, until the end. If we are going to get married, I deserve to know our story. Our true story." I say, a fierceness in my voice. _He owes me this. If he loves me, he will tell me the truth._

He takes a deep breath and then he begins


	20. Chapter 20

**AN: Sorry it has taken so long to update. I am hoping to be on a more regular schedule now that school is out for the summer. I am going to try and update three times a week. Thanks for sticking with me. Happy Reading!**

Chapter 20

_Tobias_

I stare back into her beautiful blue grey eyes. They are so full of resentment and hurt. I promised myself I would never be the cause of those emotions again. _She is right, I owe her the truth. _ I take a deep breath and say, "Just know, I love you. I will always love you. I choose you. Forever."

"I know." she says. Her face is even and I can tell that she is bracing herself for the story.

"The first time I saw you was when I pulled you from the net. You had this wild spark in your eyes, like you were alive for the first time. It was fascinating and beautiful. You climbed so quickly towards the side you almost fell out of the net. I had to catch you. You felt so small in my arms, but you had this strength too. I couldn't believe this skinny little Stiff was the first jumper. You look up at me and your eyes met mine. I knew you had me. That night at dinner you made a comment about me being so approachable-"

"Like a bed of nails." she finishes.

"Like a bed of nails." I smile at her. "Your sharp tongue made me even more intrigued. You were like this perfect picture of a shy little Abnegation girl on the outside and the perfect Dauntless on the inside. You still are. It is so fascinating. I was so scared you weren't going to make it through initiation. I knew I had to do whatever I could to help you make it through. I was going to leave Dauntless, go live with the factionless, until you came. I knew I could never leave as long as you were here."

She looks at me curiously. She has stopped rocking, but the pillow is still grasped tightly against her. I want to grab her and pull her to me. I need to feel her against me. _I need to protect her from this_. I don't. I have to tell her this. _She is strong. She lived through it once. She can live through it again._

"Training started and you seemed hell bent on giving Eric reasons to hate you. You refused to back down from him, me, anyone really. The more someone pushed you, the more alive you became. It was breathtaking to watch. You were so small, yet so fierce. I had to be so careful not to show that I had feelings for you. When he matched you with Peter in the fights, it was all I could do not to kill him. I knew I wouldn't be able to watch as Peter beat the shit out of you. That's why I left. I couldn't watch anymore. I went to the infirmary to check on you. I made up an excuse about checking on all the initiates so that Christina and the others wouldn't get suspicious. But, I don't think she bought it. The Candor in her I guess."

"I turned Eric into Max for the fight pairing. He got a slap on the wrist from Max, but they did watch him a little more closely after that. We went on our field trip to the fence the next day and I looked up to find you talking to some Amity boy. I was so jealous, especially when he hugged you. I made up some excuse about you talking to him being dangerous, just to have a reason to talk to you alone. You looked like hell, but you didn't back down. You were so angry at me for saying that, I thought you were going to punch me." I chuckle thinking about that wild spark flashing in her eyes that day.

"Amity boy? Oh, Robert Black. He lived next door to me in Abnegation." she says softly. She has relaxed her grip on the pillow and now is just holding it in her lap. she has turned so that she is fully facing me on the couch. She nods at me to continue, waiting intently to know the rest.

I smile at her. I have never told our story before, and I am enjoying this little part of it. It will get hard later, but right now I am falling in love with her all over. Hopefully she is doing the same with me. Her eyes are no longer filled with tears and they are sparkling back at me. The anger and hurt slowly draining from them.

"That night was capture the flag. I picked you first for my team. Not because I was trying to protect you, but because I wanted a reason to spend time with you. You snuck off to climb the wheel when the others were busy arguing. You have a bad habit of sneaking off by yourself, by the way. Please stop doing that. It really has been the cause of more than one near death experience." I pause and look sternly at her, like I am scolding a child. She rolls her eyes at me and nods.

"Well I remember asking you what you thought you were doing and you told me you didn't think you were doing anything. I will never forget that."

"Ok, so what happened after capture the flag. You told me that part the other day when we were there." she says, eager to continue to the parts she doesn't know.

"Well the next day, we took a break from fighting and learned how to throw knives. You were so methodical about it, practicing the stance and the motion over and over before throwing. You were the first to hit the target. I had to look away from you to hide how proud I was of you."

"If you were so proud of me, how did you end up throwing knives at me again?" she asks.

"Well, Al decided that would be the day he grew a backbone." Tris mutters 'oh brother', shaking her head and pressing her face down in the pillow. I roll my eyes thinking about the one time Al stood up for himself, talk about bad timing. "Eric told him to go get his knives while everyone was still throwing and Al refused, admitting in the process that he was indeed scared getting stabbed with an airborne knife. Eric obviously didn't take to well to that, and told Al to go stand in front of the target. He told Al he would stand there until he learned not to flinch, while I threw knives at him. Of course, you had to say something. I wanted to walk over and drag you from the room with my hand clamped over your mouth, but I knew for sure that would give me away, so I just stood there, trying to mentally will you not to speak."

"What did I say?"

"You told Eric that he was being a bully and that bullying is a sign of cowardice. He told you to take Al's place and you did. You stood against the target and your head didn't even come to the shoulders. You looked me dead in the eye. I was so scared I was gong to hurt you. You have no idea how scared I was. You didn't flinch once. I purposefully nicked your ear with the last knife, because I knew Eric wouldn't let you go until he saw blood. You were so mad at me. I tried to check on you, but you just started yelling at me. I had to leave the room to stop from kissing you. You were mesmerizing and infuriating all at the same time. I had never felt anything like it before. You are still the only one that can make me want to hit you and kiss you at the same time. It's absolutely maddening!"

She grins at me and lets out a giggle. I grin back at her biting my lip. Her body is almost completely relaxed now and I scoot over to her, wanting the space between us to be smaller. She doesn't move away, so I reach out and slide her to me. She relaxes into me, resting her head on my chest, and I start to feel better about the situation. She still holds the pillow against her chest. I kiss her lightly on the top of her head as she tells me to keep going.

"Well initiation continued pretty much on schedule. You barely made it threw stage one, but you beat the shit out of Molly and the knife throwing earned you some extra points with Eric."

"Wait, I beat up Molly? How is that possible?" she asks, sitting up and looking at me, Her eyes are wide, like she doesn't really believe what I just said.

"Yeah, I had to pull you off of her actually, you kind of lost it. I don't know what she did to you, but I promise you she and none of the others will ever do it again. You can be pretty scary when you want to be. But, we will get there. I have two years to fill you in on."

"Ok." she says, laying her head back down against me. She has started to relax her legs and they are now stretched out beside me on the couch.

"Anyway, training continued and we started phase two. Your first simulation you were so nervous, I tried to talk to you and calm you down, but I don't think it worked. You came out of the simulation and yelled at me for putting you through that, like I had a choice. You were being attacked by crows. I walked you back to the dorms. I wanted to make sure you were ok. We stood outside in hallway and talked for a while. We kept getting closer and closer to each other. I wanted to kiss you, so bad. I don't think you had a clue that I liked you though. Although, now when I think about it, you certainly weren't backing away."

She smiles and blushes looking down. "I may have had a slight crush on you, but who didn't? I mean look at you. You are like something out of an ancient Greek myth, as if the gods carved your perfectly chiseled form out of stone."

I smirk at her and kiss her, teasingly, "So you enjoy my form, huh? I cant say that I find yours that bad to look at either."

She slaps my chest playfully rolling her eyes, "Just continue with the story. Me yelling at you about the sim."

"You told me you thought you were in the sim for thirty minutes. In reality you were only under for three minutes. That is three times faster than normal. I was suspicious that you were Divergent, but the next simulation you manipulated the program. You broke the glass when you were trapped in a tank of water. I was so scared they would find out about you I couldn't even think straight. I had to delete the footage so that they wouldn't find out."

Tris stiffens against me and I feel her heartbeat speed up. "You know I'm Divergent?"

"Yes, everyone does. They know I am Divergent, also. It's not a dangerous thing anymore, but we will get there. It won't make sense yet. Don't worry, Tris. No one is going to hurt you because of your divergence." I pause and kiss her head to reassure her. "Anyway, by the end of stage two, you were ranked first. This didn't sit well with Peter, Drew, and Al. Peter had already attacked Edward at the end of stage one and now you were the one ranked first. I went to the control room that night to keep an eye on you. You left the dorms to get a drink of water and they followed you, " I squeeze her a little tighter to me, like it will protect her from the words."They attacked you. They touched you, beat you, choked you , and tried to throw you in chasm."

She shudders against me. "Al did those things to me? I thought he was my friend. How did I get away?"

"You didn't. I saw them take you and ran down to the chasm as fast as I could. I stopped them and brought you back to my apartment. You didn't want to go to the infirmary and I didn't want to take you there, because you would have to be in the same room with Drew, and I couldn't keep an eye on you. I spent most of the night watching you sleep. I slept on the floor, by the way."

"Nice of you. Saving me and then sleeping on the floor. A true gentleman." Tris laughs.

I laugh a little too, relaxing at her joke. "Yes, well I'm glad we have a couch now. All I had in my old loft was a bed. The floor was concrete. But, I would have slept there every night, if it meant you were safe."

She laughs and snuggles into me. _The first bad thing wasn't so hard. Maybe the rest won't be either._

"I knew that night that I would never let anything happen to you. Your life would always be worth more than mine, because mine would not be worth living without you in it." I look down at her and pull her tighter to me. _She almost died that night. That was the first time I almost lost her._ I kiss the top of her head and she looks up at me. I brush my lips to hers and she slides her hand over my cheek. Her touch is tender, like she knows how hard it is for me to tell her these things.

"Tobias, its ok. I'm right here. I'm safe." she whispers against my lips. "I love you."

I nod against her and clear my throat. "There's more. Al...Al couldn't take the guilt over attacking you. He...uh...he.."

"He jumped. I already know. Christina told me when we were shopping the other day." Tris says quietly. "I asked about him when I never saw him. I thought he was with the factionless. Christina told me he jumped, but didn't tell me the part about him attacking me."

"Tris, its not your fault. He was depressed. Nothing you could have done would have saved him from that fate. You struggled with your guilt over it for a long time, before you finally came to terms with it. I don't want you to have to do that again. Promise me you will try to understand, he would have done it no matter what." I am practically pleading with her, knowing what it did to her last time. I can't watch her struggle through that again. The nightmares over it had only stopped a few months ago.

She sniffles and I can feel her warm tears as they soak into my shirt. She silently cries against me for a moment and I rub my hands up and down her arms, holding her tightly to me, trying to stop her from shaking as she cries. I know she is mourning the death of her friend in more than one way. She is mourning the loss of his life, but also the loss of her memory of him as someone who cared for her and protected her. After another minute of crying, she settles back into my chest as I continue. "The only thing left in initiation was fear landscapes. I didn't want you to fall back in the pack and at that time, you didn't know my real name. You only knew me as Four. You didn't know anything about really. I wanted to tell you, but I didn't know how, so I decided to take you into my fear landscape with me."

"You took me into your fear landscape? You definitely know how to take a girl on a date." she laughs, the memory of Al fading from her mind.

Looking back on the whole thing, it does seem a little odd now, but at the time it was the only way I knew how to explain it all to her. _I wonder if I should take her through them again. I will have to ask her when she is feeling better. _

"I needed a way to explain to you everything about my past, how we were connected. I wanted you to know the real me, but I didn't know how to start. You only knew me as Four, your instructor. You didn't even know my real name. I thought it would be easier to show you and let you draw your own conclusions from there. Besides, I was afraid that after you found out who I was, you wouldn't want to be with me anymore, that you would see me as someone to feel sorry for. The poor abused boy that fled Abnegation to escape his abusive father."

She looks up at me and runs her hand over my cheek, forcing me to look at her. She stares deeply into my eyes and I stare back at her, "Tobias Eaton, there is nothing you could tell me that would make me not want to be with you. Never forget that." I nod my head at her. She smiles at me, "Now, continue."

I smile back at her and obey, "Well when you went through you saw my fear of heights, and of small spaces, and my fear of killing an innocent. But, the big one was my fear of Marcus and his abuse. You saved me from his belt in the landscape. The moment his belt struck you I was no longer afraid of him, I wanted to hurt him for hurting you. It was the fastest I had ever gotten over that last fear. You helped me get over it. Just like I helped you get over your seventh fear."

I said the last part, because I knew it would peek her interest. I get to have a little fun, if I am the one telling the story. The events of last night proved that she doesn't remember that particular fear anyway.

"Seventh fear? I thought that I only had six fears."

"You do now. You used to be afraid of intimacy, but clearly you no longer have that fear." I say, a devilish hint in my voice.

"Tobias Eaton!" she gasps, slapping me on chest.

"Tris Prior!" I say mockingly. "You asked me one time if I was afraid of you and I told you I was terrified. I was terrified you know, of letting you in. I'm glad I got over that fear."

"So a person's fears can change?" she says, the Erudite in her taking over. "Are yours the same now as they were then?"

"Yes, a persons fears change as the things that are important to them change. Sometimes you can overcome a fear and it is no longer in your landscape. Sometimes fears are added or new fears replace the old ones." She nods at me, but doesn't tell me to go on. I was hoping to bypass her question with my explanation, but it doesn't work.

"That makes sense, but you didn't answer my question. Are your fears the same?" she says, pressing me to answer.

"No. Neither are yours. We both still have the same number, four and six, but now most of mine involve you, and my fear of losing you or hurting you, and yours involve me and the loss of your parents."

We sit there in silence for a moment. I can tell she is thinking over what I have just said. Thinking about what she remembered today, about all of it, trying to make sense of it all. Her eyes are closed and I know she is replaying events in her mind, trying to force the pieces together, but she doesn't have enough of them to make them fit. I wait for her to tell me she is ready before I continue. Finally, after what seems like hours, she looks up at me.

She sighs, "You must really love me. I'm sorry that I control your fears."

"You don't control my fears. The loss of you controls my fears. There is nothing you can do to stop it, so please don't worry about it. Let's just keep going. You are going to like this next part." I say grinning at her. _Our first kiss._ I know I have told her before, but I would tell her a thousands times again, just to watch her face light up. She snuggles back down again and I continue.

"I took you to our spot in the chasm right after my fear landscape. That is where we kissed for the fist time. You looked so beautiful and I was so nervous. I had never really kissed anyone before. You were the first girl I had ever wanted to kiss. Every time I was near you I just wanted the space between us to be smaller. You said something about our age difference, me being too old for you. I am happy to report that I was right about our insurmountable age difference not actual being insurmountable."

"Well, you are too old for me. But, I guess I will just have to be ok with the fact you are an old man." she teases. I kiss her again. She kisses me back and for a moment, and I forget what we were doing. My hands slide down and start to creep under her shirt, when she pulls away.

"Tobias, the story." she says, scolding me.

"What story?" I mumble against her lips, pulling her back against me. I continue to kiss down her neck, nibbling behind her ear. She sighs softly and her hands slide into my hair. I work my way down to her collarbone and my hands start to pull at the hem of her shirt again. I start to slide it up and off her body, but I feel her tug my head up by my hair. I groan in frustration and she laughs.

"Just get through the story, there will be plenty of time for that later." she says, pulling her shirt back down and settling against me.

"So, where was I? Oh yeah, well the fear landscapes went pretty well, except for your practice day. You were assigned kidnapping as a fear from Lauren. Considering what had happened the day before you sort of lost it. I had to manually stop the simulation. I couldn't watch you suffer like that anymore. I ran up to you and pulled you off the floor and almost pulled you too me. I stopped about one second before I kissed you and remembered that Lauren and all the initiates were watching. Not to mention, Eric was monitoring us from the control room. I couldn't let him know about my feelings for you, so I covered by yelling at you. I called you pathetic, which I still feel horrible about, and you slapped me, hard." I rub my cheek remembering the sting of the blow.

She gasps and looks at me. "I did that? What did you do? What did the others do?"

"Well you were the last to go since you were ranked first, so the only person there was Lauren. I just stood there for a moment, in shock. Then Lauren came out and started yelling at me for being such a dick to you and not telling her what had happened. She didn't talk to me for a few days after that." I laugh thinking about how angry Lauren was, her body vibrating in rage. Then, I become annoyed thinking about what Tris did next. "Then you did the stupidest thing on the planet and hopped on a train to Erudite. I spent most of the afternoon in a complete panic in the control room searching the security footage for you. I saw you jump off the train at the back entrance and Eric was waiting for you. All I could think about was him kicking you out to the factionless or worse. I was so scared and angry."

She looks down at her knees, her face is a mix of guilt and embarrassment. She speaks so softly, I barely manage to hear her. "I'm sorry I did that to you. I would never try to scare you. I was angry at you for yelling at me. I thought our kiss meant nothing to you."

"You remember that?" I say. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I just remembered it today. I was hoping it wasn't real. I don't like the bad memories any more than you do."

I think about this for a moment. _What else does she remember she hasn't told me? _ We promised each other after the uprising to stop guessing what the other was thinking and just ask. So, that is exactly what I do. "What else do you remember that you haven't told me?"

She grins a sheepish grin, like a child that has been caught in a lie. "It would be hard to explain, since some of them don't make a lot of sense yet. I only have bits and pieces of things, like a puzzle that is incomplete. I can kind of tell what the whole picture is, but it doesn't all fit together yet. How about you continue and I will tell you when I remember something."

"Ok, but I want to tell you this now. After the uprising, we had betrayed each other's trust a lot, trying to protect each other from pain. We agreed that by doing that we had caused each other more pain. We promised each other we would always be honest no matter the cost. As long as we were there to mend each other, there was no truth to painful." I look her in the eyes, they shine with the tears she is trying to hold back. I press my lips to hers, they are soft and warm, slightly shaking. "I need you to make that promise to me, again, right now, or I won't go on with the story."

She smiles and I wipe the tear that has slid down her cheek with my thumb. She takes a deep breath, "I promise you that I will tell you the truth, no matter how painful, as long as you promise to always mend me when the truth breaks me." she says, tears flowing down her cheeks.

"We will always mend each other." I say pulling her up to me, kissing her with all the passion and love I feel for her. We stay that way for what seems like forever, kissing, wrapped in each other's arms. It is not lustful or hungry, it is warm and comforting like a blanket protectively wrapping around us, shielding us from the truth that threatens to break us. We break apart and I see her eyes still closed, a gentle smile creeps across her lips. I kiss her forehead as she opens her eyes.

"Lets take a break for a moment. I'm hungry and I know you are too." she says, smiling at me as she pulls me up off the couch and towards the kitchen. I follow her without complaint. I would follow her anywhere.


	21. Chapter 21

AN: Thank you all for the wonderful reviews, if it was signed i tried to message you back. To my continuous reviewers, you know who you are, thanks for your love and support. Please hold on through their walk down memory lane. Please keep the reviews coming and thanks for all the follows and faves. Happy Reading!

Chapter 21

_Tobias_

Tris cleans up the small dinner we made of left over pizza and chocolate cake. I watch her as she cleans. I think about her, all of it, and know that we are getting to the hard parts. I still don't know how I am going to tell her about the uprising. But, I guess when we get to that part I will mange to find the words. She turns and catches me watching her, a small smile creeps across her lips. It's moments like these, the small moments, when I think she is the most beautiful, when my love for her is the most pure.

She walks over to me and wraps her arms around my waist. "See something you like?" she teases.

I notice there is a small smudge of icing on her lip and lean down close to her. "I sure do," I murmur, before kissing her, sucking the top of her lip, effectively removing the icing. She pulls back and I grin "Mmm. chocolate icing." She slaps me on the arm and rolls her eyes, breaking away from me.

"That's not what I meant." she says, faining annoyance as she takes my hand, leading me back to the couch.

We sit back down and she curls up against me once more. I lay my head against hers, breathing her in, not wanting this small moment to end. We sit there in silence for another minute or two before she grows impatient and goads me to continue.

"Tobias, the story. I did the stupidest thing ever, remember?" she says, true annoyance in her voice this time over how I chose to describe her little field trip.

"Ok, ok. But just know this where it is going to get a little rough. Please keep our promise and fill in any details you have been holding back." I say, looking down at her. She smiles back up at me and places a soft kiss on my lips as her answer to me to keep her promise. I sigh, and then continue yet again, staring out the window at the now darkening city.

"Then you left and went to visit your brother in Erudite. You weren't supposed to leave the compound and Eric was waiting for you when you got back. You told me later that Jeanine Matthews had questioned you while you were there. I imagine that is why Eric was waiting. Jeanine probably tipped him off. I had been watching the trains from the control room the entire time you were gone. When I finally saw you jump, I went to save you from Eric. You lied very convincingly about me rejecting you. He bought it and let you off with a warning. I was so glad that we only had one more day of hiding before we could just be together."

She closes her eyes, and I see them moving under her lids. She is watching something replay in her mind. I wait before I continue, eager to know if she remembers anything of her visit or the confrontation with Eric.

"I remember my brother saying I couldn't visit him there, or I shouldn't have come or something like that. And, I remember Jeanine asking me if I was truly loyal to my new faction, if I would support Dauntless even if it meant betraying Abnegation. I was terrified that she knew I was Divergent or at least suspected. She said something about my results being inconclusive. Then I remember you and I talking. Did we go on the trains that night? Back to Erudite?"

"Yes." I say. She shifts beneath me, and I move so that my legs are stretched out beside hers, so that we are half siting half laying on the couch. "I took you on the train that night to show you that the Erudite compound had lights on all the time, which you know, at the time was illegal. I had been suspicious of them for a while. There had been a lot of strange visitors to our compound, Jeanine among them and I had intercepted more than a few cryptic emails. I was suspicious and wanted your opinion about it, but I also wanted to warn you. I was so scared for you, your Divergence is so strong, I knew it wouldn't take them long to find you no matter what I did. The fact that Jeanine questioned you scared me even more. I thought Eric might kill you before I had the chance to get there."

I take a deep breath remembering the fear I had then, of course it was nothing compared to the fear I had when I almost killed her, or when I had to watch her walk to her execution. I shudder at the thought of the execution, when I thought she really was dead. My chest becomes tight and I take a deep breath to clear it. She takes the opportunity to continue with her own memories, helping me find the words to go on, making me brave, just like always.

"I think you left out some parts of that little train ride. They may just be wishful thinking, good dreams if you will, but I believe we did more than just spy on the Erudite, Eaton."

There is a temptation in her voice and on her face when I look down at it. She kisses me and there is a hungriness to it this time. I kiss her back, running my tongue against her lips, she opens them and we continue to kiss, our tongues battling like swords. I release her mouth and roll over so that I am halfway on top of her. I kiss down her neck and she sighs at my touch. The fear and anxiety the memories have brought to the surface mix with my love and desire for her into to torrent of lust and passion. _I need to feel her, to have her close to me. I need us to be one._

She runs her hands up my back and run my hands under her shirt, caressing every curve, sliding along her form like it is a rail guiding my hand over her. My kisses continue to her collar bone and I kiss each raven, pausing on the fourth one. She moans as my hands find her breasts, arching up against me, pressing her heart closer to my lips. I pull back and stare down at her. _Beautiful, simply beautiful._ She smiles up at me, a look of confusion on her face as to why I stopped. I brush her hair with my hand, supporting my weight with my elbow. Her arms are still wrapped around my neck and she pulls me back to her, indicating that she needs me as much as I need her.

Our kissing turns more passionate, there is still a hunger, but now it is mixed with passion and need. She pulls at my shirt and I press myself to a sitting position to allow her to slide it from me. She reaches down and does the same to her own. I stand and pick her up. She wraps her legs around me as my lips find hers. I walk us into the bedroom and crash to the bed, taking care to make sure that her small, lithe frame lands on top of mine. My hands find her waist and hers do the same with mine. _We need this. We need each other. We need to be one or we won't survive the story of us. _

Soon she is wrapped in my arms, both of us breathless, our heart-rates beginning to slow. I pull the comforter over our bodies and peck her lips. "I love you Beatrice Grace Prior."

"I love you too, Tobias I don't know your middle name Eaton." she says, laughing at her own joke. I laugh too. I have told her many things, but I guess my middle name wasn't one of them. We can get to the small things later, right now, I have the mountain of our history to climb.

"Well, that was a welcome distraction, I assume that you want me to finish the story now?" I say, more relaxed now than in the beginning.

"I believe you have called me a distraction on more than one occasion." she says.

"Well you are very good at distracting me." I say, with complete honesty. I do tend to forget anything but Tris exists when I am with her.

"The next day was your final test. I was so nervous for you, I knew you would do well, I just hoped you wouldn't manipulate the simulation. I knew when you told me about Jeanine they would be watching you the closest. But, I also didn't want you to completely lose it like you had the day before. I knew that would drop your rank enough to be in jeopardy of being cut. I was a mess. Zeke kept telling me to chill out, I think he even slapped me at one point that morning. But I couldn't. I wanted to hug you and tell you that you were strong and to be brave, but I knew if I even looked at you too long, Eric would notice and know that our little act, was just that, an act. He would find a way to kick you out for sure."

"You worry a lot, you know that?" she says, like it is a random thought that just popped in her head. _You have no idea._

"Well, you give me reasons to worry, always rushing off to save people without question or reason, or even a plan. Most of the time unarmed!" I say back, defensively.

"Calm down there killer, it was just on observation." she says laughing, rubbing small circles on my bare chest to comfort me. "And I do have reason. I love those people. I don't just go off saving random people, only the ones I love."

She must not remember walking into Erudite headquarters to sacrifice herself on the behalf of the whole faction, the city really. I know she can't love all of them. I am just about to come back at her with that little detail. But, then it hits me. _Stupid. I am so stupid._ She didn't do that for the city or to martyr herself, she did it to save me. She did it for the person she loved. I feel a tightness in my throat and cough to clear it.

"Anyway, uh..you got through your fear landscape just fine and then we went to my apartment. We started to you know, uh, kiss and stuff and then you pulled away and started to cry.

She snickers at me. "Kiss and stuff? What are we twelve?"

"Come on Tris, don't make me say it."

"Ok, just continue." she concedes, but she is is still trying to stop herself from giggling at my description.

"Anyway, I thought I had done something wrong, I had never done any of this before. Then, I thought you were beginning to have second thoughts about being with me. That you thought I would become like Marcus if we stayed together. You told me I was in your fear landscape and about your now nonexistent fear of intimacy. But you asked me to take my shirt off in the same conversation, so I don't know how deep that fear really was anyway." I chuckle at the last part.

"That memory is real too I guess," she says, more to herself than me. _What has she been dreaming about?_

"Excuse me? I didn't quite catch that." I tease, seizing my opportunity to get her back for her comments earlier.

I can feel the blush spread across her cheeks as they warm against my bare skin. "I wanted to see your tattoos, you had seen mine...didn't you say were scared of me too?"

"Terrified, actually. You said you wanted me, and then asked if I was scared of you. I guess because you could feel how fast my heart was beating. In my defense however, you were running your hands over my bare chest. Most guys get a little excited when a hot girl is touching them. So, I told you I was terrified and I was. But, not of being with you, not like that at least."

"Then why? Why did I terrify you?" she asks, but I can tell by the way she looks at me, she already knows the answer. She just wants to hear it. Wants me to admit it to her.

"Because, I had already fallen so hard for you that the thought of you rejecting me, leaving me, terrified me. I had never let anyone in before, never allowed myself to be close to anyone."

She sighs against me and presses her lips to the VI on my heart. I squeeze her tightly against me. She squeezes me back and then gets up to put on some clothes and I do the same. I sit up and lean against the headboard, patting the space beside me. She crawls across the bed so that she is next to me and pulls the comforter up to her waist.

"That night at the banquet is when we kissed in public for the first time. I came to congratulate you after the final rankings and asked if you thought hugging you would give away to much. You pulled me up and kissed me. I thought Christina was going to pass out." Tris lets out a small giggle, pressing her hand over her mouth. I laugh at the sight her, knowing this will be the last giggle from this story for a while.

"She really had no clue. But, not because I was good at hiding it, because she was so wrapped up in Will. Still is. She forgets anything and everything when he is around. Its kind of cute really." she says, smiling at the thought of Christina. _Christina and I must have more in common than I thought._

"Do you remember that?" I ask.

"No, but I can imagine the look on her face." she giggles again, "I bet her eyes were about to pop out of her head."

"Something like that," I say. I shift against her uncomfortably knowing what is coming next. She senses my change in mood and her giggles stop, she begins to trace circles on my chest once more.

"After they announced the rankings, Eric came and injected you with what he said was a tracker. The rest of the faction had been injected that morning." Tris eyes grow wide and she presses her hand to her neck, rubbing the spot where the simulation serum had been injected.

"I ...I.." she starts, her hand is shaking when she presses back against my chest, "I was hoping that memory wasn't real either."

"What do you remember, Tris?" I ask tentatively. I don't want to know, but at the same time I need her help to get through this next part.

She presses her body closer to me and I instinctively wrap my arm around her, trying to protect her from the memory. She takes a deep breath and then starts to recall what she remembers. There is nothing that could have prepared me for what she says next.


	22. Chapter 22

AN: I cannot thank you enough for all the support this story has recieved. Sorry the update is late, we have had several close calls with tornados one the past few days. I am ahead in the writing now, so the next update should be out tonight. I promise they will come past all this soon. Please keep reading.

Chapter 22

_Tris_

I close my eyes and press my hand to the spot in my neck. The spot I know is where Eric injected me. The spot I know led to the uprising. Although, the details of that are still sketchy. In my mind, I see us at the banquet. Four standing there beside me, tense and apprehensive as Eric injects me, immediately wrapping his arms back around me when Eric is out of sight. I remember knowing in that moment that it wasn't a tracker that Eric injected me with, knowing how they would get us to fight, and knowing that I had to tell Tobias, but not knowing how to get him alone.

_"Congratulations on your ranking," Eric says. I smile politely back at him. "Now that you are an official member of Dauntless, I need to inject you with this tracker, that way if you ever go missing or anything else, we will have a way of finding you. Standard procedure. Four got his earlier today, didn't ya buddy?"_

_Four grunts back at him and nods, I can't help but notice the way eric looks back and forth between the two of us. He knows. But, I will mention that later. I feel the pinch of the needle as it enters my neck. Then Eric squeezes my shoulder and slaps Tobias on the back, he gives Tobias an evil grin as he walks off. He knows, he definitely knows. I rub my neck where eric injected me, trying to ease the sting of needle. I see the orange on my hand where a little of the serum dripped out before Eric injected me. Orange. simulation serums are orange. Erudite is going to start something. They are going to put us in a simulation to make us fight. I need to get Tobias alone, but how? Zeke grabs Tobias and pulls him into the crowd away from me. I am too small to follow. I will have to find him at his apartment later. I have to tell him. I have to warn him. I love him._

I recount the whole memory to Tobias, never looking him the eye, concentrating on the circles I am drawing on his chest. They become tighter and faster the longer I talk. Tobias doesn't say anything, I know he must not have heard this before. _Did we not talk about the uprising_? He tenses and his breathes are tight and anxious. The skin he has been rubbing on the side of my arm is raw. I finally force myself to look up at him. He is staring resolutely at the wall opposite the bed. I know by the look on his face this is the first time I have told him that I knew what the injection was. _Maybe we didn't talk about any of this. Maybe it would have made it too painful to live through. _

Sometimes when the dreams and memories are overwhelming, I am glad that I can distance myself from them. Like they are pages out of someone else's life. A far off land, a far off time, all of them happening to a character in a made up tale. But, he can't do that. To him, they are very much real. He remembers every part of living through them, and I can only imagine it. Sometimes it's nice to have your memories erased, to be able to pick and choose what parts of your past to keep and what parts to leave behind.

It feels like hours we lay there in silence, once I have finished telling Tobias what I remember about that night. I look over at the clock when I can't stand the deafening silence any more. It has only been three minutes. _Breathe, just breathe._ I can't take it anymore and know I have to break him out of his obsessive thoughts over it all. He will drive himself crazy trying to find the one detail that would have changed this timeline, not that he can go back and do that, but I know that is what he is searching for.

"Tobias, say something." I say, gently. He doesn't respond, he just continues to stare at the wall. "Tobias, please say something. That is all I remember, I swear."

This time he breaks his gaze from the wall. He closes his eyes and squeezes me tighter. I don't know what he was thinking about, but he is not angry and for that I am relieved. I want to know our history, but I don't want to damage our future by forcing him to relive our past.

"I did..walk away from you at the banquet. Zeke wanted me to say high to his Mom and I had to congratulate Uriah. When I made it back over to where you had been, you were gone. You must have walked off with the other transfers. I had no idea you needed to talk to me, so I decided to just let you revel in your victory with your friends." His voice is distant like he is far away from here. Lost in the memory of that night. I try to read his face, but is still and firm.

"Since we could be public now, I knew I could find you in the dorms later and bring you back to my apartment with me, we could talk about it all then. I just went back to Zeke and continued to hang out, I felt so happy that it was all over and that we could be together." He looks down at me and this time the look on his face is obvious. Guilt. He feels guilty about having a good time with his friends when I was trying to warn him. He feels guilty for leaving me alone. _But why would he feel guilty?_

"I didn't find you did I? I never had a chance to warn you did I?" I ask him, trying to get him to move on with the story.

He shakes his head at me and closes his eyes, gritting his teeth.

"Why not? What happened?" I say, coaxing him on.

"By the time I was able to leave the banquet it was late. I went by the dorms to find you and you were already sound asleep. I didn't want to wake you. I knew the landscapes are tiring and with all the other excitement from the day, I thought I could talk to you the next morning at breakfast. I was so happy thinking about it. Thinking about how I could sit with you and talk to you and we wouldn't have to hide. Thinking about how I was going to ask you to move in with me. I went back to my apartment and fell asleep almost instantly."

"So why didn't you? Come and find me the next morning." I say. I think already know why. That must have been when it happened. It makes since. The end of initiation is a holiday in almost all factions. No one would be suspicious of an attack on a holiday. It is classic military strategy. We learned it in school. Ruthless, but effective.

"I woke up early that morning to sounds in the hallway. It was too early for anyone to be up, but I could hear doors shutting and people in the hallway. They seemed to be marching, all walking in the same step and speed. I looked outside and then I saw them. The whole faction was under some type of sim. I knew the only way to get to you was to act like I was under the sim too, so that is exactly what I did. I got dressed and fell in line with the others. I made it all the way to the trains and made sure to stay near the back. I finally saw you and you moved closer to me. We continued to follow the others and jumped on the train. You took my hand on the train and squeezed it. I knew you weren't under the sim, but you had no way of knowing that I wasn't. I hadn't told you I was divergent. I squeezed your hand back and you knew I was awake also. Everyone started to jump off the train in the Abnegation sector. I knew immediately why we were there. We were there to commit murder."

I gasp. These memories must be lost or too painful for my mind to bring out. We learned in school that your mind will separate itself from events to protect you from things. Bottling them up and shutting them off from the rest of you, to keep them from breaking the rest of you. Like a plant shedding a dead leaf in order for a new, healthy one to grow in its place. I tense up knowing that this is just the tip of that painful memory. Just a crack in the lid of Pandora's box.

Tobias looks down at me and I shake my head to his silent question. I can't help him out with this one. I don't remember any of this and don't know if I really want to. There is a reason my brain has locked it away. I am not sure somethings should be set free, but I allow him to continue, knowing it is all a part of what makes us, us.

"We didn't enter the sector immediately, instead we all started to line up in lines, forming military like ranks at the top of the hill that looks down on the sector." he says, his eyes are closed now as he tries to remember it, maybe his mind has shut it out too. But then again, he has memories far more painful, scars left on his soul by his parents, surely this isn't something he would be forced to lock away. I don't think anything can break him. Not, at least, in the way it breaks me.

He starts to speak again, but I interrupt him, "Tobias, I don't remember any of this, so don't feel like you have to go into details, if, you know, you don't want to. I just need enough to understand, ok?"

He nods and takes a deep breath. "These next few parts are going to be hard for me to tell. But, I will do my best to make them easy to understand. If you get confused just ask."

I nod against him to let him know I understand. Then I brace myself for what is to come.

Tobias's voice is low and filled with pain as he speaks, "We didn't know what else to do so we joined in one of the ranks. Max and Eric along with Jeanine and a few Erudite were walking up and down the ranks like they were inspecting the troops. We stood perfectly still not knowing what was coming. They were only a few feet away from us when Jeanine mentioned how perfect her serum was. One of the other members flinched and tried to move to attack her, but Eric and Max were to quick and grabbed him, shooting him before he had a chance to retaliate. When that happened a few of the other members began to move around and I knew they were all like us, Divergent. I had no idea how many of us there actually were, hiding in Dauntless."

He stops and seems to be thinking about something. I don't say anything. I know he is trying to find the right words to tell me. I can't imagine how hard this is for him, how painful it must be to relive it all. I instantly feel guilty for forcing him into this. I shift against him nervously looking around the now dark room, the hints of the setting sun having faded long ago. It must be late, but I am not tired and neither is he. I look over at the clock. It is well after midnight. I should stop him, tell him we can continue another time, or never. But neither one of us would sleep. Not that we ever do, at least well. Whether through his words or through my dreams, these memories will find me.

He senses my apprehension and looks down at me, the guilt replaced with concern, "Tris, are you ok? Do you want to stop? I promise I will tell you everything, but if you are tired we can stop."

_Yes, I want to stop. I want this all to be a bad dream._ It's what I want to say, but I don't. I have to make a choice. Do I want to hear about my life from the person I love, even though it is hurting him to tell me? Or, do I want to find out through the misty shadows of my dreams? I will have to face the truth either way, eventually. Here, in the comfort of his arms, I know I want him to tell me. Facing these things alone in my nightmares is more than I can imagine. I can't do this alone. Together. We will face this together.

"No. I don't want to stop. I need to know. I don't want to dream these things and face the nightmare alone. I want you to tell me. I need you to be the one that tells me." I say, my words are sure and steady. I stare up into the depths of blue, his eyes swim with a mix of emotions and then he kisses me softly. His promise that we will face them together, always together.


	23. Chapter 23

**AN: Sorry it took so long to update. Happy Reading. Still don't own Divergent, still not as cool as Veronica Roth. **

Chapter 23

_Tobias_

I kiss her softly, promising her that I will fight off the nightmares, just like I promised her in Amity after the uprising. She is right, we are stronger together. We didn't face them alone the first time, and she shouldn't have to face them alone now. She wants me to be the one to tell her, and I want to be the one who does. I try to quiet my mind, as it races with a million emotions, regrets, guilt, what-ifs, but it is too late to go back and change them now, all I can do is move forward. And right now, forward means telling her about all of it. All of the pain and betrayal I have tried to hide. All of the times I broke her and didn't mend her. All of the times she broke me and didn't mend me. But, I guess part of that is the reason we are here today. If everything had been fine, been a fairytale, as she put it, would we really love each other the way we do now? Our love is a choice, we continue to choose each other over and over again, if nothing had happened we would never had been given the gift of that choice. I just hope when she knows all of it, she will make that choice again.

"After the man was shot and the other Divergents started to break ranks, everything became chaotic. We took the opportunity to make our move. I was headed back to Dauntless, to the control room, but you stopped and told me you had to warn your parents, to warn the Abnegation, try to get them out before the simulation continued." I stop and look down at her, this is one of the single most painful moments in my entire life. An action so small at the time, but yet so large in scope that it circles me, trapping me in guilt every time I think of it.

"I let go of you. I told you to meet me back at the compound with your parents and any Abnegation you could find." The memory and guilt become to much and I can't press the words through the knot in my throat. I can feel myself tremble, but I can't cry, not now, not in front of her. I knew nothing of tears before I met her. Now sometimes, they are all I know when I think of her.

She gently strokes my cheek, reminding me she is safe and whole, in my arms. I press my lips to hers, needing to feel them on mine, needing to know that the memories are the nightmare and she is real. I rest my forehead on hers, breathing her in, calming myself so that I can continue.

"I regret letting go of you, I just want you to know, before I go on. I regret leaving you, sometimes I think if I would have been there, it would be different. Just know, I will never get over the guilt I feel over letting go of your hand that day, making you face it alone."

She doesn't say anything, she just stares back at my eyes. I see the warmth there, the tenderness and love, but the strength too. That is why I let go, because of her strength. I forget sometimes that she can break. Letting her go the day the uprising began was one of those times.

"You went to warn your parents and I started back to the train. There were Divergent Dauntless and simulation Dauntless everywhere. The way the simulation worked, the people under it where aware and able to make their own decisions, but they saw the other Dauntless and the Abnegation as enemies, it twisted reality so that they were unable to tell what was real and what wasn't. Christina said one time that it was like being in a dream, a nightmare that she couldn't wake up from."

"Tobias, that's...that's horrible." her voice is so quiet, that it is almost inaudible. I hold her too me, knowing that she is imagining what it must have been like to be Christina or any of our friends really, her selflessness over ruling her horror.

I just nod and mumble 'I know,' before I continue, "I was almost to the train when a group of simulation Dauntless saw me. I ran from them, but ended up running directly into Jeanine and her Erudite lackeys. From there, a few of the asleep Dauntless held me. I knew if I tried to fight, they would kill me and I wouldn't be able to make it back to you. I couldn't let that happen, so I quit fighting. They injected me with what must have been the first of Jeanine's perfected serums. My Divergence isn't as strong as yours, so I wasn't able to fight it off. They took me back to the control room to run the simulation. I was aware of what I was doing, but the simulation made me think I was trying to stop the simulation, shut it down, like I was trying to do when I left you, in reality, I as the one thing keeping it going."

I feel her hand slide up to my cheek, somewhere in in the explanation I had stopped looking at her, not looking at anything really, staring blankly at the wall as that day played out in my mind. I don't look back at her, knowing what I say next my be the last time she trusts me like she does. I take her hand from my face and press it to my heart. I want her to know that is where she is, where she always will be, while I tell her the awful things I did to her.

"I don't know all the details of what happened to you when I was not with you." I pause taking a breath trying to force myself to continue, but my voice is shaky and I don't know if I will be able to. _I have to do this for her. _I resolve myself to continue.

"You told me that you made it your parents house and got them out, that you went to as many houses as you could and that some of the awake Dauntless came and started helping you. You told them all to meet you at an abandoned building on the corner of Jefferson and Main. They did as you said, all except your mother. She told your father to take the others, that she would stay with you, help you since she knew how to fire a gun."

"What was happening to you then, were you able to watch us, you know from the control room? Did you know what I was doing?" she asks.

"Yes." I close my eyes not wanting to remember that day's events, but knowing that I need to tell her the truth like I promised. It is the first time I have ever told her the whole truth about that day. "I saw you, in fact you were one of the main things they had me monitoring. I saw what you were doing, but thought the other Dauntless and the Abnegation were trying to harm you, so I sent other Dauntless after you thinking I was sending help, when really I was just sending more people to try and kill you. Your mother was one of the people I thought was trying to harm you and...and...I'm so sorry Tris."

I can't finish. My walls crumble and I can't stop the tears that now flow down my cheeks. I was weak that day, unable to fight the simulation without her, and I am weak now, unable to tell her that I am the reason her parents are dead.

She doesn't press me to continue, she just continues to trace patterns on my chest. I run my hands over her hair and press my face down into it, taking her in, trying to draw strength from her even though I don't deserve to even be near her. She reaches up and pulls me down to her, I press my face into her neck, burying the guilt and the pain of that day in her skin. I clutch her back and she rubs her hands up and down me, soothing me like I am a child. I only allow her to comfort me for a moment, knowing that I have to continue. There is more, so much more I have to tell her. There will be a time for tears later, but now is not that time. I press myself back to a sitting position and pull her hands away from my face, holding them together in front of her. A few moments ago, I needed to feel her near me to go on. Now, I can't feel her at all, or I won't be able to finish. I need to distance myself from her, from all of it, or it will consume me, like it has done some many times in the past.

I harden myself to words I am about to speak, looking anywhere but at her. "The Dauntless I sent after you were in a group with Christina and Will. I thought at the time I was sending your friends to help you. They came up on you and your mother while you were leaving the sector heading for the abandoned wear house. Your mother stepped out and began shooting at them to draw them off of you. She sacrificed herself to save you. You paused for a moment, trying to help her, but you knew it was pointless so you continued. Will and Cristina followed you, but you shot at them and they fell back, allowing you to make it inside the building. I must have thought you were safe, because I didn't send them after you."

Tris tries to speak, but I don't let her. I know that if she stops me I won't be able to finish. "I don't know how long I ran the simulation after that, but the next thing I really remember was you coming in the room. You had a gun and I immediately saw you as a threat. The simulation twisted you so that I recognized you but I didn't. You came at me trying to shut it down, but somehow you realized, I guess after I attacked you, that I was under a sim too. You tried to fight with me, tried to reason with me, but I just kept coming back at you. I know something deep down must have known it was you, because I just kept disarming you when I could have killed you with my bare hands."

"Tobias, I remember the control room. I remember it from here. You don't have to tell me." she says, trying to force me to look at her.

I don't turn my face, I hold my gaze at the wall. I have never told her about that day, but I am going to finish what I started. Finish telling her the truth like I promised, no matter the pain. _I will be brave._ Brave enough to give her the choice of choosing me, brave enough to tear down my walls and let her see me completely for the first time.

"No Tris. I have to do this. I have to tell you my side of things. Please, I need to finish. To get it all out, or I will never be able to tell you again. Please, just let me finish." I beg her. I do finally look at her and there are tears sliding down her cheeks. She looks small and scared in this moment, but underneath it all I know she is strong. I need her to hear how strong she was that day, how she is the reason we still have a faction. How she is the reason we are alive and here in this moment.

"Finally, I knocked you down. I had the gun and had it pointed at you. Everything seemed so jumbled, so confused. I knew I needed to shoot you, but I could hear your voice. Begging m to see you, to hear your voice. it was like it was far away, but it grew louder. You pressed your hand to my lips and then to my heart. You kept saying it as ok and that you loved me. You wrapped your hand around mine and that must have been enough to break me out of it. All I can think is that it worked the same way the fear landscape does. You pressed deep enough to break through into my subconscious. The minute you stopped fighting back, the haze lifted and I could see you, _the real you_, and hear your voice clear in my mind."

She looks at me through tear stained cheeks, barely able to speak, "You whispered my name, you said it like I wasn't really there, like you were waking up from a dream."

"I was but it wasn't a dream, it was a nightmare. My own personal hell. I dropped the gun immediately and pulled you into my arms. Then I realized what I had been doing and shut the simulation down."

She is shaking, and so am I. The truth, the reality of both sides of it, crashing down around us. I look at her and then she looks back at me. I am expecting her to run, run from me and the awful things I have just admitted to her, to myself really for the first time. But she doesn't, she just stares back at me, needing to know the rest.

"What happened next?" she asks.

"We ran."


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24

_Tris_

I wake up next to Tobias, still held tightly in his arms. At some point, we must have changed positions because we are now laying flat agains the bed, him curled around me with my back to his chest. He is still sleeping, but I can tell by the way he flinches, that it is not a restful sleep. He is dreaming, just like I did, reliving it all in his nightmares. I roll over and gently rub my hand to his face, trying to coax him out of his fitful slumber.

His eyes pop open and he stares at me, fear evident in his eyes as consciousness slowly dawns on him. I want to take it all from him. The guilt and fear, all of the pain I forced him to relive yesterday. I want to let him know that I don't blame him for any of it. I want to give him the gift of only hearing about it, not having to relive all of it, like I have. But I can't, in this moment I feel helpless.

He pulls me closer to him as he closes his eyes once more, he breathes in deep like he is trying to breath me in. I do the same, knowing his scent will comfort me, take me away from the bad parts and only let the good remain. It's funny how a scent can be so comforting, like it is the one thing your brain cannot release no matter the damage or the hurt it tries to protect the rest of your body from.

Will said after I woke up that he thought Tobias's scent was what brought me out of the coma. Brought me back to this world and pulled me out of the purgatory I was stuck in. The doctor's wouldn't confirm anything, but I think deep down they are right. It is not him, but his scent that makes me feel safe and loved, like I am home. Even when he is not near me, I breath in his clothing and his pillow, wanting to feel him near me. Maybe that is why I always feel there is too much space between us. I want to crawl into that scent and bathe myself in it. It is safe, it is love, and it is mine.

I open my eyes and look at him again, this time I find his eyes looking back at me, watching me breathe him in as he had done to me, just moments ago. But, there is a question in his eyes, an uncertainty, that I know is a result of last nights events. He is scared, scared that I won't love him the same way, scared that I will leave knowing the truth. But he is wrong. The truth only makes me love him more. _ I choose him. Always._

He tries to speak, but I cut him off, "Tobias, don't. Don't try to apologize for things you can't change, for actions you had no control over. Just don't."

He looks back at me, the question still lingering, but the guilt seems to be subsiding. He isn't convinced by my answer, and presses forward with his question, "Tris...I know what I told you last night changed things. I understand if...if you don't want to-"

I press my hand to his lips to stop the words I know are next. He thinks that because of his confession I will no longer want him, no longer love him. For a moment the idea of this hurts me, like he doesn't truly trust in my love for him. But I shake the thought from myself, knowing that it his guilt and fear driving his thinking right now. It is not a question of my trust or devotion. He is lost in his fear of losing me.

I remove my hand and press my lips to his. It is the only answer he needs. There are not words that can express my feelings like the passion I place into that kiss. Sometimes human touch is the only way to communicate what we feel. It is what makes us human, bonds us in a way our words never could. Words are fleeting and forgotten, but a touch is forever. The feel of another's skin on yours is permanent, it is forever.

"I love you." I say, when our lips finally break apart.

"I love you too." is his only reply

"We can continue the story later. Right now we need to get ready. Fear landscapes are today." I say, getting up and heading into the bathroom. He lays in bed watching me as I disappear. I don't hear him move, so I stick my head back around the corner of the door.

"You are welcome to join me, you know." I disappear back around the door and head to start the shower.

Before I am able to fully step back from the shower, I feel his arms around my waist and his lips pressed against my neck. I lean back against him and feel his hands slide up my body removing his shirt from me as I slide my hands down to my waist, leaving my bare backside to face him. I step into the shower and soon feel him join me in the steam. He waste no time wrapping himself around me, taking the soap from my hands, before using it as an excuse to freely roam my body. The hurt of last night rinses away along with any doubts he had about me leaving. Flowing down the drain with the rest of the water that slides off of his perfect form. Passion over takes us, just like the steam that is now clouding the air around us. Soon the still air is broken by the sounds of passion and love that leave our lips, transforming us from who we were to who we are now.

**Page Break**

We enter the fear landscape room and see that Max, Tori and Harrison are waiting for us. Christina and Uriah are already sitting in the back of the room. Tobias whispers to me, making sure I feel up to this. I nod at him and give a tight lipped smile to the others, who are watching me like I will shatter in front of their eyes. He keeps a steady hand on mine, as we sit in the back next to Christina.

"You feel up to this?" Christina asks cautiously. I can't help but notice, she has brought her first aid bag and pager along with her today. I know it is just a precaution after yesterday, but it still makes me angry, makes me feel weak.

"I'm fine." I snap back. She looks up at Tobias, but he just shakes his head to tell her to let it go. She huffs and rolls her eyes, crossing her arms and turning back around to face the fear landscape room. After Harrison addresses the initiates, Tobias leaves my side to go and work the computer. I cross my arms over my chest, hoping to protect myself from their fears. The first initiate steps in the room. This time I am not connected to electrodes. Instead, the fears are hooked into a large screen in the corner of the room to allow the observers to see what the initiate sees first hand, like we are living through the fear with them.

The landscapes seem to drag on until they are a blur of one nightmare after another. Each time an initiate would finish, Tobias stands and walks into the room with Max to congratulate them for living through the horror, like it is an honor they should be proud of. I start to think about what it was like to go through this, trying to will the memories to the surface of my damaged brain. But, nothing comes.

Tobias looks over at me, watching me as I try to find the parts of me that are lost. I feel his warm hand on my cheek and look over at him. His face is tense with worry as he whispers, "are you ok? Do you want to go? There is only one more, you don't have to stay."

I shake my head at him and give him a weak smile, trying to reassure him that it is not the initiates fears that have captured my thoughts. He doesn't let go of me, leaning forward and giving me a chaste kiss, before nodding at Christina to start the final simulation.

"You will tell me later, right?" He says.

"Of course." I say, but I'm not sure there is anything to tell.

I focus my attention back on the screen. The girl from yesterday, Abby I think, enters the room. She looks nervous, yet determined. She must be pretty fearless to be ranked first. I stand there watching her as she clenches her fist and sets her jaw. Christina plunges the serum into her neck and the screen goes dark.

It remains dark, but I can tell she is moving around, trying to find her barings in the room. She gropes around for a light switch, but no walls are there. _Fear of the dark._ She needs to make it worse to move on. But then to my surprise her hand hits something solid on the ground and she flicks the switch, shining a steady beam of light into the darkness forcing the sim to move on. _Divergent, Abby is Divergent. _

She walks forward with the light in her hand and is soon on a small opening of a field. I recognize the orchards as those of Amity. She drops the flashlight and picks up her pace running through the trees towards the direction she believes is the compound, but no matter how far she goes she doesn't seem to be able to get out of the maze of trees. She turns a corner and the trees seem to stretch on forever no matter the direction she is headed in. This fear is either about her being lost or being trapped, but I can't tell which from the simulation.

Then she suddenly stops. She sits down and curls herself up into a ball, trying not to panic, but the monitors on Christina's screen betray her heartbeat speeding up in her chest as the panic sets in. She begins to talk to herself. Breathe, just breathe, you are fine. She tells herself over and over again. She stands and then begins to climb the tree nearest to her. When she is high enough to see over the trees, she looks out and finds the buildings of the compound. I hear her heartbeat start to slow in the background of the observation room and can't help but smile at her accomplishment of overcoming the panic. She climbs back down and the scenery around her changes as her feet hit the ground.

Immediately I see the walls closing around her, and Tobias seems to shift uncomfortably in his seat. He must be claustrophobic too. She crouches low to the ground and seems to be reaching out for someone, but no one is there.

"You'll be safe in hear," a voice tells her and then the light goes out again trapping her in the ever shrinking box.

She begins to cry and her heart rate picks up again. I feel Tobias's hand tighten around mine and I squeeze back to let him know I'm here, rubbing little circles on his wrist with my thumb. She crouches lower, curling herself into a tiny ball. The edges of the box continue to close in around her until there is no room left, then they fall away and she stands taking in a shaky breath. The lights go dark in the screen once more.

She is standing in the training room looking over at the board. The names are all written for the rankings. She looks over the board and at the bottom is her name. She is factionless. She stares at the board and just shakes her head in disbelief. The other initiates stand around her and they begin pointing and laughing at her.

"You never belonged here little girl," one of them shouts.

Then I see myself and Tobias standing among the initiates. I walk towards her and look at her, "This is pathetic initiate, you should have known this was coming. You will never be Dauntless. Now leave!"

I gasp, shocked that anyone would think I could be that heartless and cold. Tobias leans in and whispers to me, reminding me that it isn't real, it is her fear that generated this image, not anything I have done. I nod against him, but can't take my eyes off the screen. Abby walks up to simulation me and slaps her hard across the face.

"You're wrong! I am Dauntless. I deserve to be here." She says and the scene goes dark once more.

Abby stands motionless in the training room when she looks around again everyone is gone except Joshua. She stands there watching him for a moment and then he approaches her. He walks up and she tries to speak to him but he cuts her off, kissing her roughly, pressing her back against the wall. She pushes him off of her and then looks at him again.

"Josh, I know this isn't real, you don't really like me like that, this is a simulation." She says, but her words and body language are unconvincing.

Simulation Josh advances on her once more and this time her resolve fades and she does kiss him back. _Is this a common fear among Abnegation girls?_ I turn away, slightly embarrassed by what is happening on the screen, like it is private even though it isn't real. I turn my heads and press it into Tobias's shoulder to hide the blush spreading over my cheeks. He chuckles and runs his fingers through my hair.

"I thought you got over that fear" he whispers, the amusement evident in his voice.

"It doesn't mean I want to watch it, Four." I respond, annoyed that he finds my discomfort amusing.

I keep my head turned away from the screen trying to regain my composure after Abby's last fear. She overcomes the next few rather quickly, easily conquering her fear of spiders, drowning, and falling under the train. I have decided that I like being snuggled into Tobias's bicep far more than watching other peoples nightmares, when he tells me I need to look.

I turn and face the screen. Abby is standing in a room, an Abnegation room. She looks around the room and, then, out of the window, I see them appear. A mass of black marching down the streets of Abnegation, guns held tightly in their hands, a blank look on the Dauntless soldiers faces. _The uprising._ _Of course she would have been in Abnegation during the uprising._ She screams and runs from her room grabbing the hand of a young boy and wrenching him down the stairs.

"We have to run, now!" A man, who I assume to be her father, yells. He is followed by her mother, carrying a young girl. They run out of the back of the house as the soldiers bare down on them. Abby runs along, dragging the little boy behind her. Then another man yells for them to follow him, Abby looks up and for a brief moment I see the man's face. My father.

Abby runs faster, pulling the little boy along, but the little boy trips. She stops and scoops him up trying to keep up, but unable to with the weight of the little boy. Her father stops and comes back to them, picking up her brother and forcing Abby forward.

"Daddy no, please..." She begs him, not wanting to leave him and her brother behind.

"Go with Andrew and your mother, she needs you and your sister. We will be fine. The Priors will keep you safe. I love you Abigail. Now go," he says.

Abby begins running again but, she is crying and her heart rate is almost at its peak. I don't know if she will make it out of this one or not. She turns around to check on her father and brother and that's when the gun shot sounds. Her breathing stops as she watches her father fall forward. She runs towards them, but a pair of strong hands pull her away in the direction of the safe house. She looks up at the man holding her tight.

"Let me go! Let me go!" She screams, fighting against him. But he doesn't let her go, he picks her up and carries her.

My father looks down at her, "They're gone now Abigail, there is nothing you can do. Sacrificing yourself won't bring them back."

She closes her eyes and I hear her heart-rate returning to normal. The lights come back on and her landscape is over. I can see her lying on the floor in the landscape room, a huddled mass of tears. Tobias gets up to go and congratulate her on finishing her landscape, but I hold him back. I need to be the one to go out there and he seems to know that. He kisses my cheek as I stand and walk out into the room, heading for the crying girl in the middle.


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25

_Tobias_

I head back to our apartment after the landscapes were done. I would say they were intense, but that is too small of a word for what I feel right now. I can't imagine how Tris feels. She offered to walk Abby back to the dorms. I have a feeling they have a lot to talk about. I know she is starting to remember more of it, even if she isn't ready to hear it. Maybe talking to someone that was with her and her parents that day will help her see her side of it. That is the side I can't give her. That day, that one choice, transformed me, destroyed me, and made us who we are. She loved me enough to risk her life for me and I will spend the rest of my life trying to love her that same way.

She told me that she was going to Christina's to get ready for the banquet, so I will meet her there. I have few hours so I decide to take a nap. I haven't been asleep that long when I hear a knock on the door. I get up from my place one the couch and rub the sleep from my eyes as I look through the peep hole. I am surprised to see Max standing there.

I open the door, "Max, come in."

Max enters the apartment and sits down in the chair by the couch. I return to the couch and ask "How can I help you?"

"Four, now that initiation is finished we need to talk about the inquiry." He says.

The inquiry. I had forgotten all about it with everything that has happened recently. I look at him and try to hide my hesitation. "Ok. What about it?"

"Well we have set the date two days from today. Eric will go first and then Tris. You will be last as you were a third party to the event."

I think about this for a moment. Tris will have to go, but she doesn't remember the attack. I mean, she knows about it, I and the others have told her, but that is one of the things her shattered mind is still keeping from her.

"Max, Tris doesn't remember the attack. She knows it happened, but only what she has been told. She still doesn't have all of her memories from the past two years. I don't want her to have to go through that. She is still too fragile." I say. My words are hard and protective.

"I know you see worried about her, Four. Anyone that has seen you two can see how much you love her. But, I have already told you, you have no say I the matter; the decision is up to Tris and without you two being married you have no legal right to interfere," he says, his face is all business, but his eyes have softened.

"We are engaged. That should count for something. I am the only family she has left. That should give me a say in this." I state firmly.

"That the last part is not entirely true. You are not the only family she has. Her brother, Caleb, is still her closest living relative until you two are married. I was required, by law, to contact him after the attack and he is aware of her medical status and that the doctor has cleared her to undergo the truth serum." Max shifts uncomfortably as he tells me this. I glare at him and my whole body tenses. How dare he contact him; how dare he contact the person that lead her to her own execution.

"You did what?" I say in a low dangerous tone.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier," he says, trying to calm me. "You were already dealing with so much, I didn't want to add to your stress. He made no plans to visit, so I knew it could wait. However, he will have to be here for the inquiry to sign off on her medical status."

"No." I growl. "No. He will not be here. He will not be anywhere near her ever. He doesn't deserve to look her. He is traitor. He delivered her to her own death! He is not her family. I am!" I am practically yelling by the end of it.

"Four, calm down." He says, warningly. "Attacking me won't do you any good, and you know that. However, there is only one way to have a _legal_ say in this, and I think you know what that is. Discuss it with Tris, after all this is about her. You two decide how _united_ you want to be I this."

I nod my head, understanding what he is trying to tell me. I will discuss it with Tris. I just hope she is ready for what I have to tell her. Max stands and shakes my hand, leading himself out. I look at the time and decide I need to get ready and head down to the banquet. After all of this, I still have a job to do.

I head to the shower and my thoughts turn to Tris and the night of her banquet. She looked so beautiful that night. I remember asking her if she thought a hug would give too much away and the way my heart leaped when she kissed me instead. My heart still leaps when she kisses me.

I finish getting dressed and head down to the Pit. The girls aren't here yet, so I find Will and Uriah. I take a seat with them at a table near the dance floor, knowing Tris loves to dance. It also is close to the stage, so that I can easily go and announce the initiates, I mean new members. Uriah hands me a beer and I take it gratefully. I can't get drunk tonight, but I know it will help take the edge off. I look around waiting for Tris to come in. Then, I see Christina. She looks very pretty in her short black dress and heels. Behind her, I see Tris arm in arm with Abby. They are talking and laughing. I am so glad that she has someone who understands what she went through that day. She is in a knee length strapless dress with heels on. I laugh thinking she is probably walking with Abby more to keep herself from falling then out of their new found friendship. She walks up and my breath catches in my throat. She truly is breathtaking.

"Gorgeous." I tell her as she walks up to me. I am still taken back by her beauty, even if she doesn't believe in it.

She blushes and kisses me gently, wiping the lipstick from my lips when she pulls away. "Hi there, handsome. You waiting on someone special?"

"Nah, just you." I tease her. She grins at me and scrunches her nose up.

Abby and Christina give each other a knowing look and giggle. "Alright love birds, let's get this party started." Christina says.

I nod and Tris says tells me good luck, pushing towards the stage.

I grab her hand pulling her up with me, "You were an instructor, too. You have to come." She gives me a look to say 'please, don't make me'. I shake my head at her and place my hand on the small of her back, ushering her forward. I still feel sparks every time I touch her and have to fight hard to harden my face back into instructor mode.

We head up of the stage and I begin my speech, "Good evening, we aren't big on speeches here, so I will keep it short. First, I would like to thank the other trainers for all their hard work during initiation. Lauren Kirkpatrick, Uriah Pedrad," the dauntless born and the rest of the faction give loud cheers and bang on the tables, "and my beautiful fiancé, Tris Prior."

At the mention of Tris's name, the whole faction cheers loudly; most standing and stomping their feet for her. They all know what she did for the faction and of Eric's brutal attack. She beams at the support her new family gives her, but looks down still not comfortable with the attention. _Her Abnegation is showing_.

"Now, without further ado, the rankings will appear on the screen behind me. The top ten initiates will be welcomed as full members of this compound. To those of you who do not see your name among them, you will have the rest of the night to do as you please and tomorrow you will have to leave our ranks. We bid you farewell and good luck. To the rest of you, welcome to Dauntless." With the last words I turn and take Tris's hand leading her off the stage. She grins at me and I kiss her temple.

"You didn't have to say the fiancé part you know." She says.

"I know, but I want everyone to know you are mine." I say. "It will save me from having to hurt someone tonight. I don't want to get blood on my favorite shirt."

She rolls her eyes at me and slaps my arm playfully. We rejoin our table and turn to face the screens. Abby and Josh have joined us and I notice they are holding hands. _Good for them._ They remind me of Tris and I.

When the screen comes to life, Abby has a look of shock on her face and Josh smiles widely at her, clearly proud. Her face and name are at the very top of the list. She has come in first. Josh is third. Emma and Ashley are nine and ten, with a few other transfers and Dauntless born scattered in between. I notice that Lynn's sister Serenity is third. She will make a good faction ambassador I hope she takes that opportunity. She got the best of Lynn's edge and Shauna softness. Joshua and Abby stand up and we congratulate them, Abby hugging Tris tightly and Tris whispering something n her ear. I can't be sure what Tris said, but I think it has to do with Josh, as Abby blushed and looked over at him when Tris was whispering to her. They bid us farewell, before they head off to find the rest of the initiates.

A song comes on that I know Tris loves. I offer her my arm, "Shall we?"

She looks surprised and I can't blame her, it usually takes quite a bit of alcohol to get me to dance. She takes my hand and I lead her out slowly swaying her to the music. "Tobias, you hate to dance. What's up?" She asks.

"I just want to dance with my soon to be wife. Do I need another reason?" I ask her looking offended. She doesn't buy it. I can tell by the questioning look on her face. _Dammit, she knows me too well._

"No, you don't. But, that is not the reason and we both know it." She narrows her eyes at me, studying my face. "You are keeping something for me; trying to butter me up, before you tell me. But, I will let you for right now." She grins. She must be enjoying dancing with me too much to question me further. I smile at her and peck her lips. I am going to talk to her about it later tonight, but for right now, we deserve to just be, well, young and happy.

The night goes by quickly. Tris and I talking, eating, and drinking a little with our friends. Christina has made her dance to several fast songs. I don't join in for those. I like to watch her laughing and being silly with her friends. Abby comes to join them for this one. Soon there is a whole group of girls dancing and just being free. Dauntless, as they should be. She doesn't do it often and when she does, I remember just how young she really is, eighteen. She has faced more in eighteen years, than most people do in an entire lifetime. Josh comes and sits with us. Will, Uriah, Zeke and I are sitting at our table drinking and talking about training and commenting on the girls.

"So, Josh, how does it feel to truly be Dauntless?" Will asks. Of course will would ask, I don't think he will ever really lose his Erudite curiosity.

"Good, man. I was worried during the fights, but when the simulations came I knew I would be ok." he looks around and puts his head closer to ours, to indicate he doesn't want everyone to know the next part, "You know I do have some practice fighting of serums. There is only so much peace serum you can take before you fight back."

I laugh out loud at the mention of peace serum, thinking about Tris. "Yeah, Tris was given peace serum one time. They gave her way too much. She came out of it and said they had poisoned her with happiness."

Uriah chokes on his beer as he laughs. "Tris high on peace serum is something I would love to see. I bet she is a freaking nut."

"We should get some for the next party," Zeke says. "We could trick all the girls into getting high. It would be hysterical."

"I could have some bread sent to me from Amity. I know the baker, Robert, I could ask him to double dose a loaf for me. I was kind of curious to see what Abby would be like." Josh grins.

I am not sure I like the direction this conversation is headed and know Tris would never forgive me if I told the story of her in Amity. So, I decide to change the subject. "Speaking of Abby, what is going on with you two?"

Josh grins at us, "I don't know, we are dating I guess."

"That's cool man. Christina and I started dating during our initiation, so did Six and Four, only it wasn't Four's initiation." Will grins at me and I shoot him a glare. Uriah waggles his eyebrows and Zeke starts laughing.

Josh just looks confused. "So, you mean Six and you weren't in the same year?"

I don't say anything. I just continue to glare at Will, taking a sip of my beer. He must not be as scared of me as he used to be, either that or he has had enough to drink he doesn't care, because he just grins back at me and continues.

"No. He was our instructor. He and Six had to date in secret so that no one would think her rank was because of him." Will finishes.

Josh doesn't act shocked. Age must not be a big deal in Amity either. He looks at me and sees the look I am giving Will. His face is suddenly serious, "So how long have you all been together."

His question is directed more to the whole group than just me. Zeke speaks up first. "Shauna and I have been together almost four years. We started dating shortly after our initiation."

Will is next, "Two years for Christina and I, same for Four and Six."

"Marlene and I have been together for almost two years. We started officially dating right after the uprising." Uriah finishes.

Josh just nods at us and turns his attention back to the dance floor. There is a noticeable tension at the table now, and Will is refusing to meet my stares. The song is ending and the girls are headed back over to grab their drinks. Tris sits down on my lap, wrapping her hands around my neck and kissing my gently on the lips. I don't say anything. I am still mad about the comment Will made, even though I shouldn't be. In my mind, he made it sound as if I had taken advantage of Tris. I know that is not true, but that is how I feel. I wrap my arms around Tris's waist, as she happily chats with our friends. My mind drifts to Max and the conversation about how I am not truly considered her family. But in my heart, I know it isn't true. Her parents may be dead and her brother may be a traitor, but she does have a family. We are sitting with them right now. Anyone of them would give their life to protect her and she has already done the same for them.

A slow song come son and Tris looks into my eyes, "Please?"

I nod at her and she kisses me whispering 'I love you' against my lips. It is all I need to calm my anxiety. _Tonight is about her_. I continue to agree to dance with her whenever she asks, enjoying seeing her so happy for the first time in a long time. I think about how this is what our life will be like. Knowing that as soon as this mess with Eric is finished, we can move on to the life we deserve. God knows we have payed for it in tragedy ten times over in our short time together.

After several hours of relaxing with our friends, Tris says she is getting tired and we decide to head up to the apartment. As we walk, Tris takes off her shoes and carries them over her shoulder, holding firmly to my hand. We talk about how happy the initiates were tonight and how happy we were when we spotted Josh kissing Abby on the dance floor. Abby looked positively mortified when Uriah yelled 'get some' at Josh. Tris said her Abnegation was showing and I laugh at her comment knowing I say that to her a lot.

As we near our door, I know that I will have to tell Tris about what Max said today and discuss how we are going to handle it. I hope the few hours of happiness we just experienced will be enough to carry us through the conversation. We reach the door and I pull out my key, ushering Tris in ahead of me. She heads straight to the bedroom to change out of her dress. I go get a bottle of water and sit down on the couch, getting lost in my thoughts of how to talk to her about all this.

The feeling of her pressing up against me as she sits on the couch breaks me from my thoughts. She is wearing one of my shits and has her hair up in a messy bun. She washed the make up off her face and her eyes sparkle at me from behind her pale skin. I stare at her and all I want to do is press her to me until there is no space left between us. I cup her face in my hands and kiss her passionately. She relaxes into the kiss, but pulls away far too soon for my liking. She presses her hand to my chest and looks me directly in the eyes.

"Alright, spill it." She says, giving me a stern look. I look at her in fake confusion. "Don't give me that look. The truth no matter what, remember?"

I nod. _She is right. I promised._ "Ok...well, Max came to speak with me today about the inquiry." The look on her face tells me she had forgotten about it also. "He said it will be in two days. We will both have to testify under truth serum. I told him you don't remember the attack and that I didn't want you to have to testify."

Tris considers this for a moment. "Tobias, do I get a say?"

"Yes, but the decision isn't completely up to you. With your brain injury, your doctors and your next of kin have to sign off, too."

"Ok, well the doctor has already signed off and you say 'no', so I have the deciding vote. Right now, I haven't made up my mind, but I think I should. Maybe it will help me regain some of my memories." She sits staring out the window for a minute and then grins at me, "Is that why you were trying to butter me up all night, so I would agree not to testify?"

I tense up, knowing I will have to tell her the rest, "Yes...and no. I did want you to have a great time tonight. _Us_ to have a great time. We deserve it after everything that has happened. But the other part of that is," I take a deep breath and my words come out in a rush, "I am not your next of kin. Caleb is."

A look of shock and then fear passes across her face. I pull her closer to me and she rests her head on my chest. When she finally speaks, her voice is a whisper, "Will I have to see him?" I just nod at her. "He will make me, Tobias. He won't consider the emotional aspects of this, only the scientific."

"I know, Tris. I told Max that he isn't your family after what he did to you. I have told you parts of it, but not all of it. I don't want him anywhere near you or this compound. But, Max was required, by law, to contact him when we didn't know if you would wake up. He is aware of the inquiry and your condition. He is required to be present for the inquiry to sign off on the medical papers." I hold her tighter. She has begun to tremble in my arms and my instinct is to protect her, even when I know she doesn't need me to.

"Tobias, what are we going to do? I don't want to see him. I can't see him," she says. "I don't remember anything that happened at the Erudite compound, but just knowing he could do that to me is enough." I can feel the the warm tears as they fall onto my shirt. She is trying so hard to be strong, but this would be enough to break anyone.

"There is a way for me to have a say." I start, cautiously, not knowing how she will react to the next part. "The only way I can have a say, is to truly be your family...your _legal_ family."

She tenses against me and looks up at me, her eyes wide, her cheeks still wet with tears, "You mean get married?"

"Yes." I look at her, searching her eyes for the answer I hope will come. She looks down at her hands, twirling her engagement ring around her finger. We sit for what feels like an eternity, me looking at her, her staring at her ring. She finally looks back up at me.

"When?" She says.

"Tomorrow." I say

She kisses me and I know from the way her lips move against mine that she feels it is right too. _We chose each other. Always._

**AN: Thank you again for all the reviews, faves and follows! I did have a great point brought up by Divergent24. In chapter five, I said Abby was form Amity and Josh was from Abnegation. I have been working on this story so long, I forgot. So, I switched them to better fit the plot line. I am planning on reloading chapter five soon to correct the mistake. **

**Also, if you would be interested in participating in a Divergent role play forum, please PM me. I am currently part of one, By Our Own Way, which anyone is welcome to join. I am planning on starting another with Divergent24, if we can get enough interest. That is all I have or now. Next update in a day or so.**

**Thanks and Happy Reading!**


	26. Chapter 26

**Disclaimer: Matel created Barbie and Ken, Veronica Roth created Tris and Four. I created neither, but will freely admit they are fun to play with.**

Chapter 26

_Tris_

I wake up and immediately feel the cold. I roll over and look for Tobias, but he is not there. I see the covers pushed back on his side of the bed and see a faint light streaming into the dark room from the bathroom door. He left it slightly cracked. He always leaves it sightly cracked. Four fears then, four fears now. I sleepily make my way to the kitchen and start the coffee. I hear him calling my name as I pour two steaming cups.

"In here," I call back, making my way to the couch. I sit down and curl my legs beneath me, leaning into the corner of one side of the couch.

"Morning, Beautiful." he says, taking the cup from my outstretched hand. He sits on the other side and props his feet up on the coffee table. He pecks me on the lips, running his hand down my cheek, making me feel warm and content.

We settle into a comfortable silence as we sip our coffee. It is one of the things I love most about us. The ability to just be. There is no need to over analyze or over think. We know each other so well. We truly do have each other memorized. In the silence, my mind starts to drift. A faint smile appearing on my face when I think about last night. The look of anxiety on his face when he told me his plan for us to get married. _Did he really think I would say no?_ Well, I guess he has a reason to worry. I did say no once; but I don't remember it, so in my mind it doesn't count. The same cannot be said for him. He does remember it. All of it. I need to more selfless when I think about the past. He works on kind. I work on selfless.

He was so determined to protect me from Caleb, from all of it. Christina has told me about how I as after my parents died. EVen going as far as calling me suicidal. I can imagine that is probably how I would be. That is just it, though. I have to _imagine_ it. I don't _remember_ any of it. That life, the life I can't remember, seems like it belongs to someone else. I am not that girl that went running into Erudite. I am the girl that survived all those things, that is how I choose to look at myself now.

In a way, the attack was a blessing, a chance to start over. It really is true that one choice can transform you. The choice Eric made that night did transform us. _All of us._ He was trying to break me, break Tobias, but in the end he only made us stronger. I laugh a little at the irony of it all. I once thought Tobias and I would break each other, I remember that now. Even though I haven't told him. It's not that I don't want him to know, its that I now know how foolish that thought was. We don't break each other, no matter how hard we press. We only make each other stronger.

I feel him watching me and turn to see his handsome face grinning. I blush a little, never comfortable with the fact he watches me.

"What?" I ask.

"You." he says, his voice deep and soft.

"What about me?" I ask, raising my eyebrow at him.

"What were you thinking about just now? You seemed lost in your own little world. You were smiling and laughing about something. What was it?" he says, leaning over and laying his head in my lap.

My fingers lazily fall to his hair and I play with it idly, "Nothing. Everything. _You_." I lean down and kiss him, placing my cup on the coffee table as I do.

"What about me?" he says. Curiosity creeping over his handsome features. I giggle at the sight of him. He looks like a child on Christmas, young and happy, full of excitement.

"I don't know. How lucky I am, I guess." I sigh, and look at the wall in front of me, searching for the words to explain it all. "That no matter what happens to us, no matter what we say or do, we love each other, truly love each other." I say, smiling down at him. His eyes find mine and I am lost in them. They tell me all the things I know he will never find words to say.

"I beg to differ, Tris." He says sitting up so that his face is centimeters form mine. He kisses my cheek, then my nose. Then slowly and gently kisses my lips. "I am the lucky one. You have loved me even when I was unloveable. You didn't pity me when you found out about Marcus, you brought me back form the simulation when I almost-"

I don't let him finish. We are not going down this road again. I press my lips to his and move my hands to his neck, wrapping them into his hair. He doesn't try to fight me. His hands move swiftly to my back and begin to work their way under my shirt. He moves so that I am now sitting on top of him. My hands run their way up his bare chest and his work to make me equally bare. I gasp as the cold air hits me. But the feeling is soon replaced by the warm feeling spreading like honey through my core as Tobias's lips trail down my neck sucking and biting at my most sensitive areas. I sigh against him and feel his warm breath lingering over his favorite spot, the fourth raven over my heart.

"Tobias," I sigh in his ear. He seems to get my message as my hands grope at the top of his sweatpants. He picks me up and carries me back into the bedroom. He drops me unceremoniously onto the bed and rids himself of his remaining clothes as I rid myself of mine. Soon his body is pressed over mine and I feel his warm breaths on my neck as his hands roam my body. I want this, him, all of it. I want this forever and in a few short hours, I will have my wish.

We walk to the cafeteria hand in hand. We make a quick stop by the jewelry store to buy wedding bands. The bands are simple, titanium grey, perfectly identical, except that mine has six small diamonds inlayed on it. Tobias has the girl in the store engrave 4+6 on the inside of each band. Ten.

We leave the store and Tobias puts the rings in his pocket, for safe keeping. We didn't want a bag, we aren't planning on telling everyone our plan just yet. Only Zeke and Christina will know. We have to have two witnesses. We had decided this morning that we would go straight after lunch to Max's office. He would perform the ceremony, I would change my name, and we would sign all the paper work necessary to make Tobias my legal family.

When we do finally make it to the cafeteria for lunch, everyone is already there. They give us some questioning and playful looks as we sit down. We must look a little too happy today.

"You all have dirty minds," I say as I take a sandwich and chips from the tray at the table.

"So do you, if that is what you think we are thinking about," Uriah laughs. My eyes grow big and I blush.

Tobias smirks at him and Zeke nods and says, "Oh yeah, Four, that a boy."

Christina elbows Zeke hard in the ribs and he coughs out the water he was trying to swallow. I nod approvingly at her. We all finish eating, chatting idly about the banquet last night and what jobs we think the initiates will pick today. They aren't picking until dinner, so that should give Tobias and I enough time to complete everything.

When we are finished eating, I grab Christina and Tobias grabs Zeke. We tell them we need to talk to them about the inquiry so they don't ask too many questions in front of the others. We walk towards Max's office, but Christina's Candor side quicks in.

"Wait, this isn't the way to your apartment. Where are we going?" she asks, starting to sound nervous.

Zeke looks around and then says, "Hey, this is the way to the leaders offices, why are we going up here?"

Tobias and I look at each other silently having a conversation over what to do. Tobias looks at them, "You will see soon, no need to worry."

The perfect answer as always, vague and completely unhelpful. I just smile and wrap my arm around Christina's, guiding her forward. We stop in front of Max's office and Tobias knocks. Max opens the door and looks at the four of us standing there. Tobias and I smiling, Chris and Zeke looking utterly confused by all of this. He smiles at the sight of us and nods at Tobias.

"I see you took my advice." he says to Tobias as we enter.

"You could say that," Tobias says.

"Do they know why we are here?" Max asks pointing at zeke and Christina who are completely lost by this point, both with the same bewildered look on their face.

"Not a clue," I say, laughing a little.

"Well I suggest we get started. I take it you two want to keep all of this quiet for now?" Max says. Clearly noticing that we only brought the two required witnesses to today's event.

"That was the plan, at least until after the inquiry." Tobias says.

"You sure you can trust those two?" Max says, gesturing towards an ever impatient Zeke and Christina.

"With our lives, sir." Tobias says.

"Well then, lets get started." Max says. He gestures for Tobias and I to stand in front of him, and then tells Zeke and Christina to come and stand to the side of each of us. I would have expected them to catch on by now, especially with the way Max has us standing, but it is clear that neither one of them had any aptitude for Erudite.

"Would somebody please tell me what the hell is going on?" Zeke says clearly annoyed by all the secrecy.

Tobias pulls the rings out of his pocket and hands mine to Zeke and his to Christina. Christina's mouth falls open and I see tears in her eyes. Zeke looks down at the ring in his hand and then slaps Tobias on the back, smiling form ear to ear.

"Now shut up and don't drop it." Tobias commands in his instructor voice. Max laughs at us and Tobias joins his hands in mine as Max begins the ceremony.

"In Dauntless, we believe in ordinary acts of bravery, in the courage it takes for one person to stand up for another person. By committing yourselves to this faction, you have proven that you too believe in those things. Today, you two have decided to make the brave decision to commit yourselves to each other. No matter the peril, you will bravely stand by each other's side."

Tobias eyes glimmer at mine. He looks as if he may cry, but I know it is my imagination. Tobias doesn't cry. My eyes shine back at him, radiating the love I feel for him, it is almost overwhelming in this moment.

Max turns towards Tobias, "Do you Tobias Daniel Eaton take Beatrice Grace Prior to be your lawfully wedded wife? Will you stand by her side, honor, protect, and love her, have the courage to stand up for her no matter the peril to yourself, as long as you both shall live?"

"I..." he pauses, and my breath catches in my throat. _He changed his mind. _ "...I will." he finishes, but his voice is weak and this time it is not my imagination as I can see the tears clearly formed in his eyes. He blinks them away and turns to take the ring from Zeke. Sliding it on to my finger.

Max then turns to me, "Do you Beatrice Grace Prior take Tobias Daniel Eaton to be your lawfully wedded husband? Will you stand by his side, honor, protect, and love him no matter the peril to yourself, as long as you both shall live?"

I look directly into Tobias's eyes, wanting him to see my commitment to him, "I will."

I take the ring from Christina, who has tears flowing down her cheeks, and place it on his shaking finger. He takes his hand in mine and smiles at me, a genuine happy smile. The smile most people never see.

"By the power vested in me by this faction and the city of Chicago, I now pronounce you man and wife. You may now kiss the-" but I don't hear Max finish. Tobias's lips are on mine as he pulls me to him with such force I fear I will break. We stay that way, lips pressed against each other, hearts beating as one until someone clears their throat behind us.

"We have a few more things to get done today, if you two don't mind. You have your whole lives for that." Zekes says, laughing and shaking his head as we pull apart. Tobias relaxes his grip on me, but his arm never leaves my side.

After a few congratulations and several bone crushing hugs from both Zeke and Christina we begin the paperwork to make all of this legal. The first document I sign is the marriage certificate. Max hands it to Tobias and he places it in the folder Max provided him.

"Now Beatrice," Max says grinning at my full name, my Abnegation name, "It is time to officially make you Mrs. Eaton."

I look down at the paperwork before me and see that it is a standard change of name form. Right now, I could change my name to whatever I wanted. I think back to my first day in Dauntless to when Four asked me my name.

_"Name?" he asked._

_I just stare at him for a moment, Beatrice sounds too Abnegation, I don't say anything._

_"You can pick a new one if you want. But, choose carefully, you don't get to pick again." he says._

_I think for a moment, Tris. I am no longer Beatrice the skinny, weak Abnegation girl. I am Tris, the Dauntless, the brave._

_"Tris," I say._

_"Tris," he says._

One choice really can transform you.

I look up at him and he looks back at me curiously. Beatrice made a choice that day that transformed her. Tris Prior made choices that not only transformed her, but everyone around her. But, the girl I am now doesn't remember most of the choices that Tris Prior made to get here. So, I need to have a name that represents this Tris, the Tris that is here in this moment. I don't want to be tied to that old life, to Caleb, to my parents' deaths, to the war. Once again, I make a choice that will transform me.

I write my name down on the form. _Tris Natalie Eaton._ Tobias looks over my shoulder as I finish the form, I can tell by the look in his eyes that he approves. He doesn't ask, he doesn't have to. He knows I will explain it when I am ready. Beatrice Grace Prior is gone, laid to rest with her parents. Tris Natalie Eaton is all that remains.

About an hour later we leave Max's office. Christina and Zeke head in their own directions to finish whatever they had originally planned to do before we ambushed them with our wedding. I grab his hand and start pulling him down the hallway.

"Tris, where are we going?" He asks, picking up speed as I am practically running now.

I don't answer him. I just keep running.

"Tris, your scaring me," he says. "Please, talk to me."

I still till don't respond. I just pull him into the empty room.

"Oh," he says.

I drop his hand and head to the ladder that will lead me up to the roof. I hear Tobias's footsteps walking slowly across the concrete floor as I reach the top of the ladder, pulling myself up into the afternoon sun. I walk up to the ledge and look down into the gaping hole seven stories below. I close my eyes and silently tell my parents goodbye, I tell Caleb, the Caleb I remember, the Caleb I grew up loving as my brother, goodbye, and then I tell Beatrice goodbye. With that last goodbye, I jump, relishing the feeling of freedom even more than I had the first time.

My body slams against the net. Just like the first time a strong hand reaches out and I take it. He pulls me from the net and his eyes meet mine as he helps me to my feet.

"Name?" He says, his face stern and cold, his voice hard, just like before.

"Tris Natalie Eaton." I say, grinning at him.

He he smiles widely back at me, transforming from Four, back to Tobias. He pulls me tightly to him and kisses me. "Well, Tris Natalie Eaton, welcome to Dauntless."

Tobias and I head back to our apartment. He keeps looking down at the ring on his finger. Spinning it around with his thumb. We reach our door and he unlocks it. I start to step in and he stops me.

"Uh uh uh. Not so fast, Mrs. Eaton." he says. I look up at him to ask what he is talking about, but before I have the chance, I feel myself being swept up into his arms. One strong arm wrapped around my back, the other under me knees. I shriek with laughter kicking my feet in the air.

"Mr. Eaton!" I gasp.

"I know we are no longer Abnegation, but part of us will always remain that way. I have always imagined doing this with you. It is tradition for the man to carry his wife into their new home to start their new life together." he says, smiling down at me.

"I love you," I say.

"I love you, too." he says, stepping across the threshold and into our new life.


	27. Chapter 27

**AN: sorry its been so long since I updated. I have been working on finishing this story. I think it is almost at its end. I have started on the sequel. And will begin posting it as soon as this one is done. Also, I am thinking about writing a modern day version, let me know what you guys think about me doing a modern AU and what you would like to see. Thanks and Happy Reading!**

Chapter 27

_Tobias_

We head down to dinner that night knowing that we will be on display yet again, as we help the initiates pick their new jobs in Dauntless. Tris is at Christina's, of course. Christina insisted that she be able to get Tris ready for tonight. Tris begged me to say, that I was unwilling to let her go on our wedding day. But, in the end, Christina won out, as she always does.

I told her I would meet her at Christina's, so that we could walk down to the dinning hall together. As I walk there, I replay today in my mind. Two years ago, she fell into my life. That one act transforming me in ways she will never know. I woke up the minute her eyes found mine. It was like coming out of a dream, a nightmare really. I think about all the things that happened during her initiation, her fight with Peter, the attack, the knife, and how I felt when she kissed me in front of everyone when she ranked first. Then, I remember going to bed the night of Tris's initiation banquet and waking up to a war. Well what could have been a war. It was stopped before it ever got that far, but things are still tense and the thought that all hell could break lose is never far from anyone's mind.

I knock on the door to Christina's apartment and hear Will's voice yell to come in from behind the door. I walk in and see him sitting on the couch talking to Uriah. Marlene must be here too. I nod at them and Will passes me a beer from the small cooler, that I am sure was meant for after the ceremony. My hand hits the bottle and I immediately tense up when I hear the faint clink of metal against glass as the band around my finger presses against my skin. _Shit. Tris is going to kill me. _I didn't take off my wedding band, even though Tris told me to. Oh well, they would have found out sooner or later.

"What is on your hand?" Uriah asks, "Is that a ring? Did you and Tris..."

I turn around and shoot him an intimidating look, the same look I give the initiates when I want them to stop talking. "Keep your voice down! We weren't telling people yet. I was supposed to take it off."

"You are in so much shit now dude. Married for less than a day and you are already screwing it up." Uriah laughs and so does Will.

I go to take my ring off before Tris sees it. I am just sliding it over my knuckle when I hear her voice.

"Leave it on," she says, smirking at me from the doorway. My eyes grow wide and I start to try to explain, but no words come out. Tris just shakes her head and laughs, "I forgot to take mine off too. You didn't have to be such an ass about it Uriah."

"You already knew?" I growl.

"You should have seen your face," he laughs, "Who knew that one of your four fears was a skinny little girl from Abnegation."

"That skinny little girl happens to be my wife, so watch your mouth. Not to mention, I am pretty sure she could kick your ass and has." I shoot back at him. His laughter subsides a little, but my anger over his comment does not.

Tris walks up to me and wraps her arms around my waist, "Calm down, Four. He was just kidding. No need to kill him just yet."

She pecks my lips and steps back slapping Uriah in the back of the head. Marlene and Christina come in the room.

"Ready to go?" Will says, draining the rest of his beer as Uriah and I do the same. The girls walk a little bit ahead of us, talking and laughing.

I look at her as we head to the cafeteria. She is so beautiful. I don't know what I did, or didn't do for that matter, to make her mine. I certainly don't deserve her, or her love. I look down at the ring on my hand. I wear it proudly as a symbol of everything we have been through. Everything we have endured. The metal ring on my finger tells the world, I chose her. I will always chose her. I catch up to her and grab her hand, pulling her back before we go in. The others walk on ahead of us.

"Are you ready for this? Or should we take them off?" I ask her. I don't want to take it off, but I also don't want to rush her into something she isn't ready for.

"I chose you." she says.

"I will always chose you." I say back.

She laces her hand in mine and we walk into the dinning hall. We sit down at our usual table. Of course, we are having hamburgers and cake. The Dauntless version of a gourmet meal. I take two from the tray in the middle and Tris takes two slices of cake, smiling at me as we complete each other's plates.

We eat in silence, listening to our friends chat over idle gossip from today. She squeezes my hand under the table and I can feel her wedding band sliding against her engagement ring. I reach out to grab the ketchup just as Lauren does.

"What the fuck is _that_, Four?" she says. Her eyes are fixated on my wedding band.

"My wedding band." I state.

"Your _wedding band_?' Shauna says. She enunciates every syllable, almost like she is speaking a foreign language. "Exactly, when did you get married?"

Tris looks at me wide eyed and grins. I press my lips to hers and grin at Shauna, "Why don't you ask Zeke."

Shauna crosses her arms and taps one of her fingers against her elbow, raising her eyebrow. Zeke swallows the bite of cake in his mouth, choking as he tries to answer her. "You see, uh, ...this afternoon when I said we were talking about the initiates...um...well...I was..."

Tris starts to laugh at how uncomfortable Zeke has become. I laugh too, after all it is pretty funny. Now I know why Uriah and Will were laughing earlier. This must have been what I looked like.

"We asked Zeke and Christina to be our witnesses. We didn't want it to be a big deal. I know, how very 'stiff' of us." Tris says, "It is a very long story, that neither one of us feels like telling right now. Just be happy for us. Ok?"

Our group seems to consider this for a moment and I notice that Christina looks relieved that she doesn't have to keep the secret any longer. We are met by congratulations and hugs. Our new family seeming to approve of our choice. Just as I finish my cake, Max speaks up.

"Dauntless, turn it off!" he commands. The crowd immediately falls silent. "Tonight, we are proud to welcome our new members into our ranks. We invite them to the front to pick their careers in Dauntless. Four and Six would you please make your way to the front."

We head to the front of the dinning hall, some of the initiates are already there. We take our place beside Max. I whisper in his ear, so that Tris can't hear me, that our secret is already out. He says something about him being surprised we lasted this long and about how wearing my wedding ring probably didn't help. I just shrug and grab Tris's hand. Max laughs and shakes his head at us. I still don't trust him completely, the only person I trust completely is Tris, but I do trust him more than I used to. He must really love Tris to work so hard to protect her in all of this. She has that effect on people. Some innate ability to knock down their walls and bring out the good in them. That is why I love her. She brings out the good in me.

Max steps to the front once more and Tris looks at me confused, "Before we allow the initiates to select their positions I have two announcements. The first being that there will be an inquiry into the vicious attack of one of our faction members tomorrow at 2' o'clock. The second being that Four is off the market. Sorry ladies, but I had the privilege of marrying him and Six this afternoon."

At the last announcement, almost the entire faction stood and cheered for us. Tris pressed her face into my chest, but I could feel her laughing against me. I wrapped my arms around her and for the first time, laughed out loud, joyously in front of what I now know is my family. I kissed the top of her head and she looked up at me, embarrassment mixed with glee written on her face.

You think a kiss would give away too much?" I tease.

"I think we are way past that." she says.

I kiss her and as my lips move with hers I hear whistles and catcalls from the crowd. I don't care though. I do love her and she loves me. Now, the entire faction knows it. They all know, she is mine and I am hers. They will protect that with their lives. That is what being Dauntless means. We are not a faction, we are a family.

The next morning I wake up after a very restless sleep. Tris woke me up from nightmares several times last night, holding me and calming me until we both fell back asleep each time. Not how most people picture their wedding night, but Tris and I are not most people. The nightmares are part of the package. We both know that.

Tris kisses me as she heads into the bathroom to get ready. Most mornings I would make a some comment about joining her in the shower. Today, however, I refrain. We are both on edge about today's events. Tris still hasn't made up her mind about testifying, even though she knows I don't want her to. I will support her no matter what, but I still think the risks to her still fragile mind are much to great.

She appears from the bathroom only wrapped in a towel. She walks over to the dresser and starts to take out her undergarments. She allows the towel to drop to the floor and then starts to dress again. I stare at her naked form. I mean, I know this is not the first time she has been naked in front of me, but this is the first time she has been this bold about it. I don't say anything, I just continue to stare.

"See something you like?" she teases.

"Well, since you asked..." I say, walking towards her.

"Oh no, mister," she says, "we have got an inquiry to get ready for."

"Tease." I tell her.

She bites her lip and grins. _God, Tris what are you trying to do to me?_ Then she shoves me towards the bathroom. I laugh to myself as I start the shower, I know what she is trying to do. She is trying to distract me, knowing I will drive myself crazy worrying about it all.

When I exit the bathroom Tris is nowhere to be found. I know she is probably in the kitchen, busing herself with breakfast in another attempt to take my mind off of today. I get dressed and go into the living room , only to have my suspicions confirmed.

"Eat up." she says, laying a plate of pancakes in front of me.

"What is all this for?" I ask, as if I didn't now the real reason behind it all.

"Because, I love you." she says, smiling and pecking my lips as she sits in front of me with her plate.

We eat in silence. I steal glances at her and feel her steal glances at me. I want to ask her if she has made up her mind. But neither one of us likes to be pushed into talking about things, so I don't say anything. When we are finished, I take her plate as she finishes her coffee. We continue this way, silently going about our morning, each of us worried about the same thing, neither one of us willing to talk about it, until Tris looks at the clock on the wall.

"8:15, " she says, "We better head to the conference room."

I nod at her and we both place our coffee cups on the counter beside the sink. I take her hand in mine, grabbing the folder that held all of our documents. I feel her fingers idly play with my wedding band. We reach the Pire and start up the stair case to the elevator that leads to the faction offices. Right before we reach the conference room, she stops.

"I love you. I chose you. You are my family now." she says, staring up at me.

"I know," I say, acting as if I don't now the hidden question those words hold.

"You are my husband. As your wife, Abnegation teaches me to do whatever you see as right in this situation." she says.

I look at her. No, I study her. I never just look at her. Her eyes have too much depth to just look at. I close mine, knowing that I can't make this decision for us. I want to run from here, taker her far away from the pain this day will cause. But, at the same time, I know that I can't. I am helpless, too weak to protect her, even though I promised I would. She seems to sense my dilemma, letting out a long sigh as she presses her forehead to mine. I wrap my hands around her waist, hers press to my chest, her fingers tracing the VI over my heart. Even with my shirt on, her fingers seem to trace it perfectly.

"We are not Abnegation, we are Dauntless. This is your decision. I will not make it for you, but I will support you no matter what that decision is." I tell her.

"I am going to testify, Tobias. I know you don't want me to...but I have to do this. I have to face it. I know the risks, but I also know I am strong enough not to break. Your love proves that to me."

I close my eyes and nod. I don't want her to do this. I am so scared that it matter shatter her mind again, taking away the pieces of her we have managed to recover and all the new pieces of us, we have made sense then. Marcus used to be my worst fear, but I got over that fear during the uprising. It was replaced by another fear. The fear of losing Tris. I told Tris once, that when I act in the face of fear, I pretend the fear doesn't exist. So that is what I will have to do for her now. Pretend to be brave for both of us.

I reach out and take her hand in mine. It is not for comfort or for love, it is a statement that we are united no matter what life throws at us. We walk in the room and I expect to see Eric sitting there looking smug. Instead, I am met with Max and the face of a Candor man. I can only assume he is here to administer the truth serum. Max gestures for us to have a seat and I harden my face, becoming Four. Four is fearless and strong. I glare at the Candor man from across the table. Tris rubs circles on my hand trying to calm me, trying to remind me that she is safe.

The door opens and my eyes catch a glimpse of blue as he enters the room. I drop Tris's hand, immediately wrapping my arm around her protectively in his presence.

"Four." Caleb says in an arrogant tone.

"Caleb," I shoot back through clenched teeth. Tris looks down at her hands, not wanting to meet his eyes. I don't blame her. It's hard to look at the man that led you to your execution, especially when that man is your brother.

The door swings open again and Eric limps in. He looks at Tris and then at me. My entire body tenses at the sight of him. He would be dead right now, had Tris not stopped me that night. I think about that night and all the other horrible things he has done. _I will kill him, if it is the last thing I do. _ He sits down in the seat closest to Max. Harrison joins the room shortly after that sitting at the head of the table opposite Max. As soon as Harrison is seated, Max begins.

"I believe we all know why we are here today. There are only a few things I would like to go over with all of you before the inquiries this afternoon." Max says. Tris leans into me more and I can feel her body shake as she presses against me. I look down at her and can tell she is trying to control it, but the stress of being in the room with both Eric and Caleb is too much for her to overcome.

"First off, the inquiries will take place starting at two o'clock this afternoon. The inquiries are open for the public to attend and will be held in the pit. Tris will go first, then Eric, Four will be last. Eric and Four, you have both been accused of very serious crimes. You understand that these crimes, come with very serious consequences. After the council has heard from all three of you, we will meet to decide your fate. Do you all understand?" Max says looking at Eric and me. We both nod at him.

"Good. Secondly, we all know that due to some unfortunate circumstances, Tris as suffered a brain injury. Because of this, we are required, by law, to have her doctors and her next-of-kin sign off on the administration of any substance, including truth serum."

"I am Beatrice's next of kin and I agree to the administration of then truth serum, being that the side effects are not damaging and there seems to be now long lasting detrimental effect. In fact, recent research suggests that there maybe a slight chance of her regaining some her memories in the process." Caleb says in a matter of fact tone, like Tris is some type of lab rat. I begin to stand up and feel Tris pull me back down.

"You heartless son of a bitch!" I growl at him, "Did you every care about her? Huh? Did you? She is your _sister, _not some kind of lab rat!"

"Four!" Tris yells over me. Her tiny fingers tighten around my tensed bicep and I close my eyes, pressing my free hand to the bridge of my nose. Breathing deeply. In though my nose, out through my mouth. Counting to ten, before I open my eyes again.

"Caleb, I am sorry, but you are no longer Tris's next of kin." Max states. "You no longer have a say in whether or not she undergoes the serum."

"What do you mean I am no longer her next of kin?" Caleb says, narrowing his eyes at Max.

"Well I am afraid that particular designation now falls to her husband." Max says, gesturing towards me. Caleb's eyes immediately snap back to mine and then down to my hand. I narrow my eyes and nod at him.

"You married the Stiff?" Eric laughs. "Are you kidding me? I knew there was something not right about you, but come on. The _stiff_?"

I start to stand up and once again Tris's hand pulls me back down. "Don't" she says in a hushed voice.

Caleb looks between Tris and I. She stares back at him, her eyes cold and hard. I stare at him with a similar look on my face. I can see him tense, but I know it is not because he is afraid. He is angry. Angry that she chose someone else as her family. Angry that he no longer has any control over her life.

"What do you mean her 'husband'?" Caleb says, in a low, menacing tone.

Max pretends to take no notice of the tension building in the room. Harrison also acts oblivious to it. The Candor man however, shifts uncomfortably in his chair. "The man she is married to, her husband." He states. Typical Candor, unable to keep his mouth shut even when it clearly is not the time to get involved.

"I know what the _fuck_ 'husband' means!" Caleb yells. "What do you mean _Beatrice_ has a husband?"

This time it is Tris that stands up. It happens so fast that I don't realize I need to pull her back down until it is too late.

"I am married you idiot!" Tris yells at him. "I am married and happy and have a real family. People that love me..that would die for me, just like mom and dad did. But you, Caleb, are not my family. I may not be able to recall the night you betrayed me, but plenty of people can. They remember in _painstaking_ detail how you delivered me to my own death. Including my _husband_. How your cowardice lead to me nearly being killed more than once. You have no right to call me your family. I have cut every tie I have to you, down to my name. Beatrice is dead Caleb, you finally got what you wanted."

No one speaks, including Caleb. He just stares back at Tris as she stares at him with a look of pure hatred on her face. I stand up and pull her back down in the seat beside me. She is shaking and immediately buries her head in my chest. I can feel the tears start to roll down her cheeks and know that she doesn't want them to see her so weak. I wrap my arms around her, sheltering her in my embrace. My eyes glare at Caleb. I will kill him if he makes even the slightest move towards her.

"Her name is Tris Eaton now." I say. My voice is quiet and threatening. "She is _my wife_. And, I promise you that you do not want to step over the line you are treading dangerously near with me. I am her family, Dauntless is her family. And, I can assure you that in this faction, we do not take threats to our family lightly." I look over at Max, "What is it they say Max? Faction before blood, right?"

Max nods. "I believe that is an Erudite saying Four."

Caleb swallows hard. He looks between Max and I and he knows that the only way out of this is through his Erudite love of logic. "I want to see the legal documents." Caleb demands.

I practically throw the folder at him. It has our marriage certificate, the medial papers, and a few other documents. We purposely left out the form with Tris's full name on it, not wanting Caleb to have any tie to her after today. Caleb looks over them. His eyes shift from document to document before they finally settle back on Tris.

"There is no way this can be legal." he says, but the crack in his voice betrays the conviction of his words.

Harrison's voice is calm and firm, "I assure you, it is completely legal. This faction does not recognize age as a factor in decision making. We only require that a person be a full member of this faction at the time the papers are signed. Tris completed Dauntless initiation, ranking first in her class. Therefore, she is entitled to the full benefit of membership, which includes marriage."

"I conducted the ceremony myself." Max says, "I can assure everyone here that it is legal and binding."

I smile at Caleb, "Looks like you have no business in our faction. I think it would be best if you leave."


	28. Chapter 28

**AN: Thank you all for the reviews. I know several of you want Tris to get her memories back and she is slowly. It would be unrealistic for her to just magically remember everything one day. Stick with me and I promise you won't be disappointed. Please keep reading and Reviewing, I really love your feedback. Happy Reading!**

Chapter 28

_Tris_

I sit in the pit with Tobias by my side. Christiana is on the other side of me. All of our friends are here supporting us. I chew my nails and Tobias chews the inside of his cheek. I am sure it is raw and bloody by now. Just like my nails.

"Are you sure about this?" Christina says, she looks just as nervous as we are.

"Yes." I say, with my finger still clenched between my teeth.

Tobias takes my hand and begins rubbing circles on it. I press closer to him and he wraps his arm around me, holding me like he is scared I will disappear. I know it is more to comfort him than me, but it feels nice. I close my eyes trying to forget what is about to happen.

I hear the crowd start to grow silent. I open my eyes and see Max and the Candor man standing on the platform they had set up. There are two chairs in the center of it. The Candor man sits down in one and Max signals for everyone to be quiet.

"We are here today to hear the testimonies of Tris Eaton, Eric Smith, and Four Eaton, in the alleged attack of Mrs. Eaton. The council will consider the testimonies of each party and will render their decision at noon tomorrow. Will Mrs. Eaton please come forward."

Tobias's arm tightens around me, like he refuses to let me go. "It will be ok, I promise. I love you." I say. He nods and kisses me before he releases me. Christina reaches out and squeezes my hand and smiles at me. Then I walk up and take my place in the chair. The Candor man takes a syringe out of a familiar looking black box. He plunges the bright blue serum into my neck and I feel my whole body become heavy, and everything seems to slow down. I look out at Tobias and my friends. I feel safe now. I hear the man speaking and look back over at him.

"What is your full name?" The man says.

"Tris Natalie Eaton," the words flow freely out of my mouth, like I couldn't stop them if I wanted to.

"What was your name before you were married?" He continues.

"Beatrice Grace Prior, but I don't remember her. She is dead." I say, my words sounding a bit slurred.

"Why is it you don't remember her?"

"Because Eric kicked me in the head. He attacked me and I fell and then he kicked me in the head. When I woke up I didn't remember anything from the past two years. Beatrice was one of those things. She died that night."

"Tell us about the night Eric attacked you Tris? How did it start?"

I feel my head start to hurt, like it does when I am getting a migraine. I close my eyes and a million images swirl in front of me. I start to feel dizzy, like I am going to be sick if I continue to watch them. I open my eyes and try to focus. I see Tobias looking at me with fear, this is why he didn't want me to do this. He was afraid it would shatter my mind. Right now, I think he was right. I feel like my brain is being picked apart piece by piece. I continue to stare at him, hoping that the spinning will stop. I grip the arms of the chair and take a deep breath. The pieces start to fall in order while I look at him.

"Mrs. Eaton? Are you able to continue?" The man asks.

"Yes, I am fine, I think. Four and I were broken up at the time. Eric came to me while I was standing by the chasm alone. He made suggestive comments to me and I told him I wasn't interested. He became agitated and angry. He grabbed me and tried to force me to go with him. That's when Four came and saved me."

"What type of suggestive comments?"

"Sexual." I state, my eyes never leaving Tobias. He grimaces and clenches his fist, when I answer. I want to look away from him, but I know he us the only thing keeping my mind together right now.

"Do you believe that had Mr. Eaton had not come Mr. Smith would have forced you to have sexual intercourse with him?"

"Yes, he would have raped me or worse. If Four hadn't come when he did, I think he would have killed me. It was not the first time he has threatened me. It started during my initiation and only increased when my relationship with Four became public."

"Is there anything else you would like to share with us today?" The man asks.

I shake my head and look at him. In the instant my eyes leave Tobias's the room begins to spin and the pain becomes so intense I gasp and clutch my head. My eyes close out of reflex and I clutch my head. The images swirl before my yes and I know I will be sick. I feel arms around mine and I can hear his voice, but it sounds so far away.

"Tris, Tris! Baby, please look at me, please!" Tobias's voice is far away like I am in a dream.

I open my eyes and they find his, "Make it stop." I say. Then the world goes black.

I wake up to the steady beep of a heart monitor. I feel something heavy on my stomach and a calloused hand wrapped tightly around mine. I reach down with the other hand and gently run my fingers over the sleeping head on my stomach. His eyebrows are furrowed and his forehead creased with worry even in his sleep. He begins to stir and his eyes flutter open.

"Hi." I say, my voice is hoarse and weak. I wonder how long I have been out.

"Hey," he says, sitting up from the awkward position he was sleeping in. He strokes my cheek with his hand and studies me like he is trying to decide if I'm real or not.

"How long was I out this time?" I ask giving him a small smile. His hand still hasn't left mine.

"Two days." He says. "You've gotta stop this whole passing out thing. There are better ways to get my attention." He grins at me and I shake my head at him. I feel a sharp pain and a strong need to vomit, so I decide it is best not to do that again.

"Tris you ok? You made a face like you were going to be sick." He says eyeing me.

"It just wasn't the best idea to shake my head is all." I say. We are both quiet for a minute, but I know he is going to ask what happened, and I honestly don't have answer for him. I wish I did but I don't. "Tobias I know you are going to ask and I wish I had something to tell you, but I don't know what happened. The serum kicked in and everything was fine until they started asking me about the attack. Then all of the sudden my head started to hurt and I got dizzy. When I closed my eyes all these images were swirling around in my head and I started to feel sick so I opened my eyes and when I saw you they all made sense somehow. As long as I was looking at you I was ok. The minute I stopped looking at you, the pain came back and I got dizzy again. I heard your voice, but it was like you were far away and then everything went black."

"So you remember the inquiry and everything else that has happened?" He asks me cautiously.

Part of me wants to laugh at him and tell him to stop being stupid. But the other part of me realizes that he is not being stupid, that the fear of me not remembering him, us, is all too real for him, so I don't laugh. Instead, I take my hand and press it to his face.

"Yes, Tobias. I remember you, us, the wedding, all of it. I still choose you. I will always choose you. I love you." I say trying to calm his fears with my eyes.

He doesn't say anything, and he doesn't need to. The look he gives me right before his lips find mine is enough to know it worked.

I sit in the conference room with Max, Harrison, and Tobias. We are all watching the screen that is connected to the camera that has been set up in the other room. The room where Eric, the Candor man and the rest of the council sit. I watch as the needle sinks into Eric's skin. His eyes glaze over and his body becomes lax. Then it begins.

"What is your full name?" The Candor man asks.

"Eric Richard Smith." He replies.

"Eric tells us about when you attacked Tris." The man continues.

"Which time?" Eric asks, he makes a face like he is trying to stop the words, but he can't fight the serum. He isn't Divergent.

"You have attacked her more than once?"

"Yes. During her initiation, during the uprising, and at the chasm." He says in slurred secession. "Actually Peter attacked her during initiation, but I ordered him to."

"Tell us about the night at the chasm."

"I had been drinking, and I saw her there alone. I knew they were not together. I knew it was the best way to get to him. I needed him to be weak, broken and I needed her gone. So I went over to her and made a move on her. She didn't respond and tried to walk away, so I grabbed her. I couldn't let her get away. I was too close to finally finishing what I had started."

"What was it you were trying to do?" The man asks.

"Kill her. Ruin him, like he ruined me, and then kill him." Eric says, an evil sneer pressing across his lips.

Tobias's whole body stiffens beside me. The look of out rage in his eyes is unmistakeable. His breathing is tight and is forced through clenched teeth. I take his hand in mine, rubbing circles on the back of his palm to remind him I'm in the room with him, safe and far away from Eric.

"Tell us why you want to kill them."

"Because they are Divergent, they ruined everything we had worked for. They are a threat to the system. They are the reason our city will fall. I was trying to stop them. It was my job to stop them."

Max and Harrison's eyes never leave the screen. I shudder next to Tobias. What did he mean it was his job to stop us? Who was he working for? My head starts to spin again and I close my eyes. Tobias's hand never leaves mine his eyes resolute on the screen.

"Who gave you the order to kill them?" The candor man asks.

"The ones that control the city. They never told me who they were." Eric says.

"You mean Abnegation ordered you to kill them?" The man says incredulously.

"Not them, the other ones. The ones from outside." Eric says.

"Anything else you would like to tell the council today?" The man says.

"They will come for us. They will come for them. They will stop them, even if I have failed." Eric says.

"Thank you for your honesty." The man says.

I look at Tobias. But, his eyes are still trained on the screen. Max and Harrison don't say anything. They just look at the two of us and then at each other. The screen goes blank, but Tobias still stares at it, tense and alert as if at any second someone is going to burst through it and attack us. Max looks over at us again and without a word, he and Harrison leave the room to go deliberate with the other council members.

I take Tobias's face in my hands and force him to look at me. His eyes frantically search mine. He looks so young and innocent in this moment, something in the way he looks at me makes my head spin once more. I have seen that look before, I know I have. I close my eyes and try to remember. He presses his forehead to mine and can feel that he is trembling. We are so close we are breathing the same air. The images begin to slow down. Then I see it.

_Tobias stands clutching on to me for dear life. I stare at his chest not wanting to meet his eyes. I look up at him._

_"Promise me," he whispers, "that you won't go. For me. Do this one thing for me." _

_His dark eyes are pleading, desperate. Begging me to do this one thing for him. I feel a stab of pain in my chest as I lie to him. "Okay."_

_"Promise," he says, frowning._

The pain becomes an ache, spreads everywhere—all mixed together, guilt and terror and longing. "I promise."

I gasp for air as the memory consumes me. I look up at him. His eyes are still pleading with me, needing me to promise that I won't leave him. Needing me to promise that I choose him and now I understand why. Why he looks at me like I might slip away from him at any moment. It's not that he couldn't protect me, it's that I didn't let him.

"I choose you, no matter what, I won't leave you again. I choose you." I say soothingly.

He just nods and kisses me. Then a weak voice, a scared voice, he whispers "Promise?"

"I promise," I say and this time I mean it.

We walk back to our apartment, Tobias's hand in mine. He hasn't spoken since we left the conference room. I refused to watch Tobias testify. I couldn't watch him go through that. I sat in the hallway with Christina and Will. They had done their best to destract me from my thoughts. I hadn't mention anything to them about the inquiry, or what Eric said, or what I had remembered. We talked about work and the end of training. The new initiates and how Abby had chosen to work under me as a faction ambassador in training. Well really we will be I training together since I don't really remember most of my training from before.

We reach the door and I unlock it. He follows me into the room and sits down the couch. I sit beside him. Not talking, not touching, trying to blend into the room, pulling on my Abnegation training to help me become part of the scenery.

He continues to stare at the wall in front of him for what seems like hours. Then, he reaches out and grasps my hand. He holds it firmly in his, still staring at the wall. His fingers trace circles on my hand and then I feel them slide away from mine as he plays with the rings on my finger.

"Tobias, please say something." I say in a hushed voice. To anyone else, I would sound scared. But, I am not scared. I know that he would never hurt me. My voice is quiet because I know he is scared, terrified even. He is replaying that night over and over in his mind, like he does with so many things, trying to figure out how he could have prevented it from happening. Constantly blaming himself for the misfortunes life throws our way.

He doesn't respond and I start to grow anxious. This is bad, very bad. I want him to yell, or hit things, or do something, anything. His aggression has always worried me less than his passiveness. He is only this stoic when something is truly affecting him, everything else is an act he puts on. Just another one of the walls he puts up between himself and everything else.

"Fine." I huff, "Don't talk. I'm going to bed." I say, treating him like a child throwing a tantrum. I let go of his hand and walk into our bedroom, expecting him to follow me. He doesn't. I change into one of his shirts and climb into bed. I lay there and expect to feel his arms warp around my waist, protecting me form my nightmares. I don't.

After thirty minutes of waiting, I get up and go to the door of our bedroom. He is still on the couch in the same position I left him in. I walk up to him and cup his face in my hands. The contact seems to break the trance he has been in and he closes his eyes as I press my forehead to his.

"Come to bed." I say.

His eyes are clamped shut, like he is trying to stop himself from seeing something.

"Come to bed with your wife." I say again.

He still jut presses his head to mine, breathing deeply trough clenched teeth.

"Tobias, please come to bed with me." I plead.

His eyes snap open and are locked on mine. I study them. Normally, there is love, and hope, and concern all mixed together in his eyes. Tonight, all I see is fear and desperation. What did the serum do to him? What awful truths was he forced to relive?

He presses his lips to mine and I feel his neediness in his kiss. He needs me. He needs to feel that I am here, alive and whole, safe in his arms. I pull away and he desperately tries to pull me back to him.

"Tobias, its ok." I say against his lips. "I am here. I am ok. I am not going anywhere. Remember? I love you, I chose you." I say, in a soothing voice. I press my hand to his chest. My rings pressing into the area of his heart. I know that it is where my tattoo is. I take his left hand in mine and press it directly over the raven that stands for him. I can feel his the metal around his finger through his thin undershirt that I am wearing as a gown.

"Tris, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry that I wasn't..." he starts.

"Tobias, please. Please don't." I say. He tries to pull his hands away from my chest, but I don't let him. I can feel our heartbeats in perfect rhythm with each other. "Do you feel my heartbeat? I am alive and I am here, because we are meant to be together. Our hearts beat as one, because that is how it is supposed to be."

My lips find his again, but this time it isn't needy or hungry. It is simply a kiss. I stand up and he stands with me. I lead him into our bedroom knowing that tonight I will be the one fighting off the nightmares.


End file.
